One evening 25 years ago….

Dear Diary ๐Ÿ’™

One raining Friday 25 years ago I became a mammi for the first time, to a lovely little babyboy ๐Ÿ’™. He was 49 cm long and around 3, 5 kilos,- and so totally perfect๐Ÿ˜. Now he is 25 years old, and over 190 cm long I m not sure how much his weight is- but as his mammi I think it should be a bit higher than I think it is- but still- in my eyes- he is still perfect in his own way๐Ÿ’™

At the time and moment, 25 years ago, I didnt think very much about the future, I was not very much with worries- I just enjoyed to hold him, hug him, kiss him, sing for him- be with him๐Ÿ’™

To day I still want to do the same- but he dont like me singing for him any more (imagen that๐Ÿ˜…), and he is to big for me to hold in my arms at the same way, but I can still kiss him and hug him,- and enjoying beeing with him, and love him๐Ÿ’™. But after he became an teenager the worries and thoughts about the future did “pop-up”. So fare- so good,- but the teenagers was and is a difficult age….for both parents and the teenagers- I will write more about that topic in other posts- today is more or less just about this special day for me- 25 years ago, and today๐Ÿ’™

I still remember the day I gave birth to him. I cant say I remeber it “like yesterday “- but that day is still very fresh in my mind๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜

It was a very raining Friday evening, at the same time it felt like the sun was sparkling and the moon was shining when I did hold him in my arms for the first time. I did fall so deeply in love with that little babyboy that it felt like my heart was going to explode ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’–

To get my babyboy in my arms was an amazing feeling- a feeling that is so difficult to explain with “simple” words. It so special and fantastic ๐Ÿ’–

The first photos of my babyboy- after beeing in my stomach in 3 months and his first day after the birth๐Ÿ’™

But to be honest, the hours before, and the time before he was “jumping out”- was not very amazing ๐Ÿ˜”it was actually a bit painful ๐Ÿ˜ฅ.

He did “jumped” around a bit before he did decide to show his head “down there in the opening”๐Ÿ˜…, and start taking a look “at the world”๐Ÿ˜Ž. So,- I did got a bit sore and needed to ” be fixed a bit” (read: sewn ๐Ÿ’‰โœ‚๏ธ๐Ÿคค).

Like I did mention- it was a bit painful to give birth to him, actually very, very painful- so painful that I did “promise” my mammi (- she was with me under the birth, my dad too- but I did sent him out in the hallway๐Ÿ˜…), and I “promise” the nurse and the midwife that I was never, ever, never going to have sex again if this was the “result ” of it๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿคค…..well….I didnt manage to keep that “promise” of different reasons ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜….

Any way I needed to be sewn, and the midwife did promise to make it nice and sew something called “Hardangersรธm/ seam”. It is a really nice seam we use in Norway at our “bunad”- the national dress/ suit we use, and also at very nice canvases. I told her that it was not necessary- because I was not going to have sex again- ever- and NO ONE was ever going to get a “visit” “down there” any more!!!๐Ÿ˜…

Hardangerseam- a Norwegian type of seam๐Ÿ˜Š

Well,- things changes after a time,- and I m very happy for that ๐Ÿ’–. Because now I m a mammi for 3 beautiful children ๐Ÿ˜

Your mind forget the pain after the birth, because the absolutely amazing and unconditional love you feel for your child is worth mostly everything โฃ

For a while it was just me and my son. His biological father did disappeared, and suddenly showed up 3 years later. I did never went back to him in a relationship,- but I did thought at that time, that it was good for father and son did get to know eachother- Im not so sure that was very clever of me- but okay- thats an other story that not will be told an other day ๐Ÿ˜Š.

I really did like, and still do, to be a mammi for Johan. I did gave him that name after ny dad, and also after my granddad.

It has been some bumps and a lots if shine during this 25 years๐Ÿ’™.

Its not easy to be a single mammi for a baby and child- you are alone with it all! I was very lucky- my 2 little sisters did help me out with Johan, and my parents too๐Ÿ’–.

Johan was not a difficult child, but he was very active and creative- and he loved Winnie the Pooh ๐Ÿ˜. He had Winnie the Pooh teddybear with him every where๐Ÿ˜Š. He was his “buddy” for many, many years๐Ÿ˜Š

He loved to entertain- and his dream, and it still is,- is to work with entertainment.

Johan didnt sleep very much. It was like he was “afraid” to miss something “out there in the world “๐Ÿ˜Š. He was a very kind and smiley child, and he did talk a lot๐Ÿ˜…. He loved to play with legos, cars, dinosaurs , and all kind of technical things ๐Ÿ’ป๐Ÿ”Œ๐Ÿ“ฝ. And he still means that he is a bit “traumatised ” because I actually needed to take some of his computers things with me in my bed in the nights, so he could sleep- and me too๐Ÿ˜… ๐Ÿ–ฑโŒจ.

He also did enjoyed the nature and could climb in trees all day long, or build tree “cottages” with his friends ๐Ÿก.

Paintings from me to Johan- as an reminder of my love to him, and the colour I did dress him in, and a “memorie” from the nature๐ŸŒณ๐ŸŒฒ

We have a lots of sunshine and great memories together ๐ŸŒž

Johan became a teenager, he got different goals in life and strong opinions about different things. I need to admit- I was not always agree with him, and in some “areas” in his life Im still not agree about different choices he takes- but he is now a young adult man, age 25๐Ÿ˜Š. Its actually his life – not mine๐Ÿ˜Š

I have try to do my best and raise him as good as I could- and the results is – my Johan- a young, nice, creative/ entertainer man with strong opinions , and with a lovely Spanish girlfriend and a sweet dog ๐Ÿ’–

Im still his mammi, but he dont need me at the same way any more. That is a part of the life- in one way it’s good, in an other way, its very strange ๐Ÿ˜Š

I have done my mistakes as a mammi – this children- are for some reasons- not born with “an receipt “,- but I hope I have done more “correct” than “wrong ” as his mammi๐Ÿ’– I have tryed to do my best and raise him as good as I could โฃ

The teenager was not the easiest “periode “. It was a period fulled up with a lots of worries. He was a good teenager, I didnt have many challenges with him. But still- this long, long nights when I didnt knew where he was, or if everything was fine with him. Worries if he was drinking or maybe have got to much to drink….and the worst worries- drugs- ….worries that felt like was going to make my body fall apart……but normally all went well,- in some or another way ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’–

So in my own way- to keep him warm and put my arms around him,- now when he is a young adult man,- I also did knitting a blanket to him- to keep him warm “during cold wintetdays in life “๐Ÿ’–

The blanket I did give Johan- to keep him warm๐Ÿ’–

Today we did celebrate Johan with a nice and cozy family party ๐ŸŽ‰. With tacos – one of his favourite ๐Ÿ˜Šand chocolate cake- an other one of his favourite ๐ŸŽ‚. And of course some gifts๐ŸŽ. Me and Emma, Fabian and Millie, Sally- his girlfriend, and one of my friend from Norway who are visiting us this week- did have a party for him today๐Ÿ˜Š

My homemade chocolate cake- Johan ‘s favourite cake๐ŸŽ‚

It feels strange- he is now 25 years old and a young adult man with his own life๐Ÿ’™

One of my “first step” out of “mammi and me” to just be “me”- in the process to getting adult children ๐Ÿ˜Š

He is my first sunshine and moonlight, my first star โ˜„๐ŸŒ™โ˜€๏ธ. I wish him all the best in lifeโค I hope he one day will continue to work for and follow his dream as an entertainer. Even it means he need to move to Canada ๐Ÿ™„. The entertainment industry is very hard – but I hope he will reach his goals๐Ÿ’–

My gifts to him today- memories from his mammiโค

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