Dear Diary ☀️
I dont know where the road goes now,- but I know,- if I dont walk it, try it,- I will not find out it rather. It is a bit scary- belive me. I have been walking some roads alone, been out “a winterday and two”, and yes it is scary, heavy and lonely,- and its not always even any kind of usefull to do it- go the road or handle the winterdays. ❄ Sometimes it has been a painfull and hard walk and process with experience I probably could live a happy life without, but for reason I don’t know and understand- I should probably learn something on thise “walks”and road-trips 🤔.
Other times its a walk on a road with joy and happiness. But I dont know that before Im starting the walk😊,- and its the best way to have some movement in my life- it is to walk. I feel in a way my life is standing still at the moment,- totally still. To still. At the same times its not still at all- more like a roller coaster……
So to get some changes and movement in my life is just to start walking and try to do the best of it. But I have no idea where the roads will take me or what I will meet on my way,- and maybe it will be a walk with out to much new to learn at all, just nice experience 😊or a walk with new challenges 🤤 (and thats the thing thats keeping me back from starting walking- I m not sure how many more challenges I can manage to handle😔).
What I can try to do is to make the walk as smoothie as possible, avoid as many negative bumps as possible too. To create a good plan as possible is a challenge,- because of different unexpected event thats happen in life,- in my life and with people around me,- and those things of course changes the plans, and the direction.
This time Im going to try something new,- 21/90. It takes 21 days to change a habit, it takes 90 days to change a lifestyle. Lifestyle is different things- its just not necessary fitness- as many think lifestyle is. A habit in life is also different things,- and at the moment I keep the habits Im going to try to change “close to my heart” (but maybe I take my self out for a glass of wine one day….or do something else …just to try to change some habits in my life😊) ,- and I will tell you little by little,- and then we see when we are / Im in my life in the beginning of September. If habit- changes also did effect my lifestyle and life changes in my life- to something positive 😉😊💛.
Follow your dreams, work with your plan- but thats not just easy 🤔
Work for your dreams to happen, make good plans to reach your goals, create possibilitie,- and work, work , work. Sounds so easy, at the same time not so much.
I have made different plans in my life, but unexpected things happen and change my plans, my goals and also the road Im walking. Unforeseen challenges can be different things,- but one thing I have learned is to have a kind of “back-up-plan”. Why? Because it doesn’t matter HOW good my plan is planned as long as Im not alone on this planet (and if I have been alone- it has been very, very boring-thats for sure😅).
It will always comes unexpected events and extrenal events that will change my whole plan or parts of it,- in one or another direction. Then I need to create plans for how I m going to reach my goals, what kind of distraction will “pop-up” in the way? How can I find a solution to the unexpected event? How will it effect my plans in on or an other way? How will it effect me? What kind of “in-case-solution” can I have?
My dream- my dream job- my dreamlife 💙
How can I create my dreamlife and my dream job ? My dreamlufe us nit very “big”- but a umpirten part of ut, and to create it us called money.
I have already told you that my dream job is to work with textes, to write and live by that, earn more than enough to live by just writing. But its not easy at all, and it is a couple of times in my life I actually did think I had in a way reach that goal- my dream job. But then it all falls apart.
Like last summer,- I actually could start living of just be a freenlance writer. I did write for 3 different companies,- very busy sometimes, and a bit quiet other times. But in the total and general,- I did earn enough to pay all the bills and also had some extra money lef, and could even do things- like go out for a dinner 😊.
And I felt happy and lucky,- until November 2018. Suddenly there was no tasks in no companies, no work- not to me, not to any other freenlance writer. And its still like this,- for over 6 months it has not been very much work at all. So,- what do I do? How can I continue to work with my dream job when its no work to get? I dont know why it is like this at the moment,- I have asked the companies Im a freelancer for,- but they dont know why there aren’t any kind of work.
So what do I do then? Try to get other jobs of course. In one way Im very lucky because I have my students every Wednesday, I get a tiny extra-shift now and then in the homenursery, and I have this online “social-worker” job. I earn enough to pay the bills and we have food on the table- so thats at least good. But I work every day, some days I earn 4 euro pr hour, other 20 euro. And some days nothing at all,- even Im working.
So,- then I did create you- my online Diary…..and hope you and me togheter can step by step create this to my dream job that I can live by, earn a bit money- to live the life Im dreaming about 💞.
But it is a lots of work to “put” my self “out there”,- not because I don’t have anything to write about- I have a lots of things to write about 😊. But I use many hours to create you/ my diary/ my blogg as good as possible, at the same time I also should be online and actually earn a income to house- hold.
Another thing,- I dont like thise online “social-worker” job very much. I use a lots of mental energy to do it. (more then I use in the homenursery-job, as a teacher and writer, even as a teenager- mammi). Thats also one of the reason why I work out,- so my mind not go crazy 😅.
So my plan at the moment and for the next 3 months is to work “you” “up and go” the way I wanted. Try 21 days to change habits and 90 days to chsnge lifestyle. Still have my students and still to work as best as I can as an online “social-worker”. At the same time I also sending out my CV to different jobs in the area. What can go wrong? Many things.
No one needs to chat about theier “special needs” anymore. My students are going on holiday in July and August. And no one reads my diary, and I will not get any other job. So a lots of things can go wrong. But I cant focus on that,- at the same time I need to try to find a solution if……if things goes wrong. Sounds dramatic? Its not,- I just need to find solutions 😊…..and today I need to learn to use affilate and also take care of some “needy ” males that are “hanging around ” in my online “social-work” job.
But I m actually really really tired. I havent have a holiday since summer 2013,- then I was 2 weeks at Majorca. After that the life has been like a roller coaster,- manly to get the get money to the rent, bills and food. And 2019 as been a very big challenge so fare. I have been very close to give up every thing, and I mean every thing,- but if I give up,- one thing is for sure,- I will not be able to reach my goals in one or another way.
So its just to start,- the walk on a new road an see if this one is different, with joy and happiness, and some very pleasant surprises in different areas in life 💞….and try to keep my plans, goals and wishes fresh, and solutions ready 😊.