Nr.10 in line…πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜‰

Hi 😊 Nice to see you,- I hope all is fine with you 😊

What part of this sentence is difficult to understand? “Im not interested in you?” Or “I’m not going to get any #romantic feelings for you?” πŸ˜‰ Aren’t this a bit clear? Or not?

It maybe sounds rude,- but it seems that sometimes some men need to have things in with a spoon πŸ˜‰….(yes,- some women too, but Im in “the best to possision” to pronounce me about men in this case πŸ˜‰. ) And I m not interested of having this feeling to be nr.10 in line anymore πŸ˜….

Its a spanish man I did spend some time with a bit in last December and a bit in this January. And then he did get “disappointed” in the end of January because I didn’t invite him for a birthday-cake to my birthday, (my birthday is in the of January).

Its was actually not natural to invite him- but okay,- if that was “hurtful” , be my guest. He started to act with distance, didnt answare my messages or phonecalls, and cxl our meetings.

Even our “valentines-date” did he cxlπŸ˜…. So I just did “rest my case” and lost my interested for him. He did even blocked me on what’s up, and invited me for a date on a fancy resturant and did not showed up,- just blocked me one more time insted πŸ˜…. Well,- this is the “short version”. All in all,- after this birthday-cake-“session” I did not invited him too he was not very “nice” to me.

But suddenly he did contact me againg in the Easter 🐣. I didnt answare him then. In May he was on my door with apologies and “sorrys”. I did ignore that too. And now he is invited me out again- and I have give him the answare “Im not interested in you”! But ge sending me a text now and then still,- and now I rude,- because now I dont answare him, just ignore the textes.

All my interested for this man is gone- mostly because of the way he did act,- and also the not to good feeling he did gave me,- and this feeling that he didnt have met anyone else, another woman, during this months,- so then I really did get this feeling of be “nr. 10 in line” , a “solution” for his “loneliness”.

Well,- I dont want to be that! And if I m going spend my time with a man, a date or what ever it is,- is going to be worth it, and I want to be nr. 1 in that line, and actually the only one that are in that line tooπŸ˜‹. And he need to act and behave good, give me a “good feeling”.

It was the same with a french man (he lives in France). I did meet him 3 years ago. We did have some great weeks together during the summer, and he did visit me in the autum,- and the plan was that he was going to spend new years- weekend or celebrate my birthday together with me in January. Well ,- he didnt come. The “explanation” was to much work to do at his job. But 2 weeks before my birthday he did travel on holiday to Bali for 3 weeks. Hmmm…..what about all the work at his job? πŸ€”

He was also a bit “lazy” to answer my textes. Anyway he did come back to Spain that spring on holiday. But he did not lived in my home. He did lived at a hotel. We did meet up a couple of times,- but he also did gave me this feeling that I was “a solution”, “nr.10 in line”, and the time we was togheter he did spend a lots of time in his phone.

So I didnt use more energy at him rather. He has been here in Spain 2 times after, and both times contact me,- but I did choose to not use any of my time at him. One time I actually did choose to paint our living-room insted. Its was actually more fun to do that, then spend time with him πŸ˜….

I know he is coming back to Spain in September,- but I m not going to spend time with him then rather.

Yoins day,up to 80% off

And then we have this american man I did meet last #summer. We also did spend some great weeks together before he did travel back to USA. He have an apartment in the area here in Spain , and are in Spain now and then during the year, when his tourist- visa “allowed” it.

His plan was to come back in September-October,- and he did very nicely asked me to wait for him. So I did.

Stupid of me,- but okay,- I actually did think it was “something” between us. We did have regular contact during this months, until October. Then he stop answare me, and I didn’t hear anything more from him before around Christmas. And insted of travel to Spain he did travel to a friend in Singapore in October.


He did come back to Spain in January,- but didnt have any time to use together with me,- except from his last day. The day before he was going to travel back to USA. Then he wanted to meet me – but I didnt wanted to use any time on him then. I did get this ferling that he havent “get anything” (yes, sex), and did hope I would come and “take care of ” that. I didnt meet him, I didnt wanted to.

He did also at this point give me the feeling of beeing “nr.10 in line”.

So I m actually a bit tired of this “nr.10 in line”- feeling πŸ˜….

For some reason hecis contacting ne again. He has now got is spanish visa, tgat meabs he can move to Spain, and are going to move to Spain in September or October. I don’t know whats going to happen then,- but at the moment my interested for him is not even close to where it was one year ago. Last summer.

To be honest,- I should wish I did have this “I don’t care”- feeling 10 years ago,- then I had never entered a relationship with my Norwegian ex-boyfriend. That one was a really, seriously destroying relationship in different areas in my life.

But,- like I told you before,- my “thought about myself” was different before, not very “high” or to good. So maybe I should meet this #norwegian ex-boyfriend I did have a relationship with 9 years ago? So I could find “myself ” and meet someone that actually care for me, all if me? And treat me well?

If I havent met this norwegian one I have probably not been where I m in my emotional life now. At that place where I actually dont want to be “nr.10 in line” any more 😊. And dont want to be treated like “shit” anymore, or “a solution” because its no one else around. To be ignored and to be cxl, to be just “someone” and not that one special.

Before….not to long ago…..I did think I was lucky when someone actually was interested in my. Little me. When someone did show me a bit interested, wanted to spend or use his preachers time on me.

But,- maybe it is the opposite? That the man I want to spend my time together with are the lucky one ? πŸ˜‰

Anyway,- I’m getting older, and hopefully a bit wiser,- and I dont have any interest of spending my time on some one thats give me this feeling that I m nr. line, and that I should be grateful because he is actually using his preachers time on me. And ,- Im never ever going to allow any man to treat me like my norwegian ex-boyfriend did.

I m to nice, I give a man to many chances,- but I m learning,- slowly, and step by step πŸ˜‰. I know I have “allowed” men to treat me not to good,- because I didnt think I did “deserved” to be treated to good. Im glad I have got a bit different and new thoughts about that πŸ˜‹ 😊.

Of course I miss “a special one” in my life. That one that make me feel special, feel like nr. 1 😊. But not for every price anymore – I can do fine on my own, even though it’s nice to be two. But that man must be worth it- worth to use time on too,- give me this “special” feeling that I hopefully will give him 😊.

And when I m waiting for “my prince” its a lots of nice men on my job I can rest my eyes on in the meantime 😊. Thats nice too, to have someting nice to rest the eyes on during the day πŸ˜‰.

Im not using my time on men anymore that “put” me as nr 10. in line πŸ˜‰. Selfish? Nope,- not at all πŸ’›. Just taking care of my self and my heart πŸ’—

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