Getting a bit more ready for just “my self”, to be “on my own” πŸ˜Š

Hi ❣Its so nice to see you,- like always 😊I hope all is fine with you πŸ’›

I need to edmite that I m getting more and more ready to “live alone”, to just live my life- no children to take care of, no children to have the daily responsibility for or be avable for,- just be me- Laila 😊. Just take care of me and myself, just have the responsibility for me in the daily life 😁. With that means,- Im getting more and more ready for Mathilde to move out.

I didn’t think I was going to come to “that day” where I was actually ready for my children to move out 😊. But I am 😊.

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She is probably getting more and more ready to- to #move out from me as well πŸ˜….

I didnt felt it like that with my sons. I was not ready at all when they moved out, and it was so hard when they did. I did actually #cry for days β˜”πŸ’§.

Maybe because they was the first once that moved out? Or maybe because I was younger and was not come to this “place in my life” yet ? I dont know,- but I was not ready at all at that time,’ thats for sure 😊.

But,- its a time for everything,- and I think the time is just around the corner now,- to start our own life soon, be a bit more a part from each other ,- and not live “side by side” under the same #roof 😊.

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Its nothing bad or wrong that has happen at all. She is a very nice #daughter and #teenager,- but we live two different lifes under the same roof. Something thats natural since we are in two very different “places in life”. And I m actually a bit tired of living “side by side” with a teenagers life πŸ˜…. And maybe,- but just maybe,- she is a bit tired of living “side by side” with a tired mammi too πŸ˜….

Im looking forward to “be able to” invite my friends here in #Spain over when its “suits” me, and maybe too could invite this American man over as well one day, and to write in the afternoons with out getting to much “disruptions” , to paint , to do what ever I want to do, when ever I want to do it, with out taking any consideration to someone or anyone else for a while 😊.

Its actually a bit ” disruptions” in life, the #afternoons and #evenings, and #weekends too, to live with a active and social teenager. Disruptions Im starting to feel and get a bit finish with 😊.

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Sounds #rude or selfish ? I dont mean to be rude in any way, or selfish,- I just feel in a strange way that my “part” as an “responsible and avable” mammi is a bit over. Now its soon time for Mathilde to take some more “adults” #responsibility in her life ,- and for me to take a bit more care of “just me” 😊.

At the moment I m still taking condensations to Mathilde and her life,- and its difficult for me to not do it as long as we live together. Probably because I m a #mammi 😊.

She dont see it or understand it. She think its just for me “to do my things”,- at the same time she has this “silent” and “invisible” “#expectations” that “mammi is here and there, mammi is home, mammi is fixing and mixing, mammi is “always” avable” 😊.

I will always be my childrens #mammi, and always be avable for them,- but with some bigger space around me and them 😊. I will always love them, my unconventional love will never disappear or ends, ❀ they will always come first in my life,- but it could be nice with a tiny bit “distance” too 😊.

I think this “feeling” I have to “live my life” is a part of getting older at the same time as my children getting older too 😊. Its a part of the life πŸ’›. And like I did mention,- its a time in life for everything πŸ’› 😊. Soon its “my time” 😊.

I have more or less always been there for my #children in different areas of their life. All from following up at school to drive them to football, ballett, carate or what ever they did. Pick them up at friends, fixing things and stuff ect ect. More or less always in one or an other way I has been, and still are, available for them 😊.

They know Im here, they know they can call me any time and I m coming. If there are any “#challenges” in their life they need my help for, they know I will do my best for them ❣ But now its a soon time for a bit more “#space” 😊.

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At the moment ist actually two young girls in the home to take #condensations too,- but that just for maybe a month. And all in all,- it goes very well so fare 😊. The plan is that Mathilde’s friend will be “back on track” before my family is coming over,- if not there are a “back up”-plan for her for the time and days my family are here 😊.

In my imagination I also think some things in my #life will be easier when its just “me”, and not so many “disruptions” at home from others. When its Just my own “disruptions” around me πŸ˜…. And belive it or not,- I actually think my work/ job will be a bit easier too πŸ˜….

And I think it could be nice to come #home to an empty home,- and just take care of my self after a long day at work – do “my stuff ” 😁. We see,- its an imagination 😊. And I dont know yet how anything will be when “I m on my own” 😊. Its not sure it will be like my imagination at all πŸ˜…. An imagination is an imagination untill it has been trying out in the real life 😊.

I have a lots of great #imaginations in my head, #mind and #soul 😍,- and I think that if I can “#imagen” something strong enough it can be a bit #real too πŸ’›.

Its just to wait and see whats happen,- and in the meantime try to do the best of it 😊❣…..and start looking for a #nice, tiny #studio for Mathilde to #rent and #live in, be just Mathilde 😊and for me,- to just be me 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening where ever in the world you are πŸ’›Thank you so much for reading my blogg and dropping by to day too πŸ’›.

See you soon 😊

Im getting ready for “my life”, “my time”, and to be living in my own,- and to be honest,- Im actually looking forward to it too,- to just be “me” πŸ’›

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