Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡
The Christmas-time has for real started, it’s 1. December and also 1. Sunday in Advent today,- and time for the first candle too🕯. And there are lovely Christmas creations everywhere 😊 . Its really nice- but also for many- not the best season in the year.
It’s a good time for many, and a hard time for others. Probably one of the heaviest season and yearly celebrations many goes through.
It’s a difficult time for so many. That’s not a secret at all,- but the ones who have a difficult time during this season prefer to not talk to much about how difficult it’s actually are. What’s very understandable 🧡. Because this time can be really hard and very difficult, both emotionally, economical and also in different materials ways for many.
To be honest, – I prefer actually to just jump over December and Christmas- and go straight to January. But that’s not a possibility 😅.
We people in general don’t like to talk to much about the difficult time we are going through in our life. And special not about the difficult time Christmas can be- because it is a very great and good celebration too, at the same time for so many 🥰.
Christmas is about “be together”, “giving”, “peace and harmony”- at the same time a “painful” “celebration” for some. And for many it’s not a celebration at all,- just a big reminder about what they actually “don’t have” or “don’t can give”, or “be a part of”.
It’s a difficult time for some children in different life situations, as well as for grownups in their different life situations.
There are children that will get Christmas- gifts and Christmas-food on the table. Children that don’t miss a material thing in the world,- but still will have a big, big ice cube in their stomach,- because they know the adults, the parents are going to be drunk, to drunk, to many times during this month.
There are children who will not get any Christmas-gifts or Christmas- food on the table. Even the parents really wish and want to give them both. There will be no Christmas- tree or any Advent- calendar.
There are families, parents that’s working every single day during the year- just to give their children a home and food on the table every day, but still there will be no money left for any kind of Christmas- celebration.
There are people, even families who maybe don’t even have a home to be in.
There are people that will be alone during this celebration, the Christmas time. For some it’s fine to be alone, it’s not a challenge or problem, and for other this can be the loneliest time and month in the year.
I have myself mixed feelings for this time of the year. I have had that during the lasts years. I’m in general not looking forward to Christmas, but I’m trying my best to do exactly the opposite, – do look forward to Christmas 😊 . And I m going to take you with me, during some posts, and tell you a bit about some Norwegian Christmas traditions, and my and my family Christmas time as well 😊.
It hasn’t always been like this- it started “in the small” when I was in the relation with Mr. Ex,- and it has been a bit more challenging bit by bit during the years after. Before- I really did look forward to the Christmas- time 🥰.
Now it will bit on the sidelines – but that’s just the way it needed to be for me in today’s post.
The story about when I was dropped of in Spain was in a way “the end” on the story about my relation to Mr. Ex- and a start on a other story in my life. But the “consequences” that that relation had for myself and my life does still “follows” me and effects me. And it’s difficult to tell the different “stories” from the relation in a chronology way. I even don’t remember everything anymore. Something I think is a good thing. And then there are other things I do remember to well.
I did started to tell you the end of that story- and after that I m not sure how to continue to tell you what was before “the end” in the relation ,- how and why this relation did ( and still in it’s own way, does) “mess” me up, myself and my life so much. Also when it comes to the Christmas- time.
I need a bit time for that one- the stories, just to be ready to tell you some of the parts of the story so you maybe can get a tiny bit “picture” one day about why there are some tiny challenges for me in some areas in my life. But they/ the stories will probably not come chronology- and it will probably not be stories either, just parts from the past “here and there” 😊.
The last Christmas I do remember with really joy, happiness and “Christmas- spirit” was 24. December 2010,- and we did celebrate it on our “prairie” in Norway- together with my children, my parents and both of my sisters and their families 💜. It was a really great Christmas 😊.
After that- the Christmas has been a bit “comsi-comsa”.
When that’s said,- we have had some nice Christmas celebrations in Spain too, thanks to good friends as well as my childrens great attitude 💜.
Straight after the Christmas, in 2010, I did meet Mr Ex,- and the life, my life, changed, I changed, everything changed. And not to the best.
I did met a personality that I have not any professional skills to describe and no professional qualifications to describe. And therefore no right to describe it either.
I can only use my own, private and personal experiences and words to describe this “experiences/ personality”.
My best description of such a personality is a scary “control freak” , in every area in life. You know the expression – “Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing”. But enough about that for today 😊.
After the divorce between me and my children’s dad, 17 years ago, my children has more and less celebrate Christmas every second year with me, and every second year with their dad. So I had my first Christmas totally alone in my whole life, in Spain in 2013. I’m going to tell you about that one an other day.
This year- , this Christmas, the plan, my plan, is to celebrate in my home together with my children and some friends 😊. And I really hope I will manage to create a very good time with hopefully good and tasty food, a nice and relaxing atmosphere, maybe we can play some table- games together too? 😊. But there will be no gifts …… – this year either. And I did write “my plan” and “I hope”,- because I still don’t know.
I did read an article one of the recent days in a norwegian newspaper online. The article was about Christmas. The tittle was “Feel unsuccessful as parents”. And I did recognized myself as the parent in that article. The painful and unpleasant feeling of failure as a parent during the Christmas- time. And not at least,- the shame.
The article was about how to not be able to create the Christmas you as parents, mammi or daddy wants to create and give to your children. It was not just the Christmas-gifts, but the Christmas- atmosphere. The food, the cakes, the candles.
The feelings this gives you as a parent, when you don’t have the possibility to give your children the Christmas you really want to give them,- it’s not a very good feeling at all. It’s like your heart gets a bit to pieces for a while. And you feel as a totally failure as an parent. An fiasco. And it’s so shameful too, to not be able to create a nice Christmas celebration for your children.
So,- it’s parents too, out there, that’s actually are not looking forward to the Christmas- time, just because they can’t give their children any kind of Christmas.
There are parents out there that don’t like the question “What are you going to give to your children this Christmas?” And also “Where are you going to celebrate the Christmas?” “What are you going to have for Christmas dinner?” Ect.
How to answer questions like this? When you know you don’t feel for being honest. Not because you want to lie, but because it’s actually more then enough to feel unsuccessful as a parent already, without also read it in someone else’s eyes too.
Most parents want to give their children a Christmas with a lots of good memories, joy, love and happiness. And when you’re not able to do this- give this celebration that’s actually are everywhere, it is also like a big reminder too, everywhere, about how much you are a failure as a parent- even when you try to do your very best.
I know there are some online group in Norway now, where parents can ask for some help- help to just create a tiny bit of a Christmas- celebration and atmosphere for their children. This parents are anonymous,- something that’s really understandable. Like I did mention in the beginning of my post, – in general we don’t like to tell about our not to good situations in life. But this parents are also so brave- and I can just imagine how much this has actually cost them, to just ask this questions, to ask for this help for Christmas, for their children.
So my candle today, the first Advent light, I do light up to these parents who are braver than many. And who actually dares ask for help in creating a Christmas for their children. I know it has cost them a lot, but their children means everything for them- and you go fare for your children 🧡. It’s not just about try to get ride of the feeling of being a unsuccessful parent.
Some will probably judge these parents too,- it’s always someone that’s needs to be a bit judgemental,- but then I just want to say,- life have obviously be very nice to you, and you have never been in a situation like this- not even close. So be happy for that instead of judging.
These parents deserve respect for their guts to ask for some help. And I really hope they will get the help they ask for, and be able to create a nice and good Christmas- time to remember with a big smile, and grateful hearts 🧡.
And I really hope you too, can look forward to the different Christmas- celebration during this month with a lots of joy, love and happiness 🎋🧡.
I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for dropping by today too and for reading my blog 🧡. ( even it was a bit long today with some sidelines too 😊).
The first Advent candle I do light up to these parents who are braver than many🕯. And who actually dares ask for help in creating a Christmas for their children 🧡. I know it has cost them a lot, for just asking, but their children means everything for them- and you go fare for your children 🧡.