Hi ❣ it’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡
I’m not to fine today 🙄. Sometimes the world is just to small 🙄.
“Someone” contacted me today,- and it felt not good or okay at all. This “someone” I think maybe you know who it was. I think I’m going to a) continue call it “the bump” from now, and b) not write to much more about “the bump”, just a tiny bit so I can in my own way, try to “relieve” “the bump” as best as I can from my life.
I’m not worried, yet, I just feel and felt a bit sick 😳.
“The bump” was in “the area” and wanted to meet me for a coffee and with smiley- faces 😳. I did got an email this morning- after peaceful silent for some years. I dont drink coffee, and I have no reasons to meet “the bump” again.
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And I don’t think “the bump” actually understand what “the bump” did to me and my life, and how that relation affected me and my life in a negative way and direction.
And I got this really bad feeling again that I’m just a big failure in every area in life- special in the “relation- and emotional, and financial area”,- because “the bump” was a close connected to that part of my life some years ago, as you know, and “the bump” broke me so down. Emotional, mental, physical and materialistic / financial.
“The bump” I think miss a couple of “magic” words and understandings in the life, like for example the word “self- knowledge”🙄. I don’t think “the bump” have any understanding for that word….and a couple of more.
Why, for any reason in the world, why should I want to meet “the bump” again? Don’t “the bump” see or understand that at all? 😳 Dont “the bump” remember anything at all? I haven’t any reasons at all to want to see or meet “the bump” again, at the same time I have- but not for any good reasons.
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I just sat down for one hour this morning, and didnt do a thing, just felt like an big ice- statue, at the same time like I got the coldest shower in the world with ice- cubes felt up with memories from “the past” 😳.
Lucky for me,- Natasja did send me a text, and “woke me up”. She didn’t know about the email, she just send me a text “How are you?” And then something in a way loosened in me. I got the possibility to put some words about how I was,- and actually manage to start my day 😊. And I did started my day,- and I’m a bit proud too, that I did manage this day without feeling to much “bumpy” and like an ice- statue. Just like an a lump of jelly for a few hours. Little by little the day got a bit “normal” and I got distance to “the bump”. I went to work, I did my job- even good too, and feel a bit like it all has been a bad dream, a kind of a nightmare.
I did choose to not answer “the bump”. Why should I answer? I have not a good word to say to “the bump”,- and then it’s better to just say nothing.
Today the world felt a bit small,- at least my world. I felt a bit like I was going to be “choked”. I felt I couldn’t breath for a while. It’s no room for “the bump” and me in the same world, not ” in my world, and my life”.
It’s like the past never goes away- let me go, let me rest, let me “get back on business “. It’s knocking on the door when I least expect it, and in situations I haven’t thought about 😳.
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The last 6- 8 years has been so fucking shit hard, challenging and difficult,- but at least in their own way- the 6 last years has at least been peaceful. Maybe difficult to understand. But yes, they has been very peaceful even different challenginges has “popped up”….to much “popping up”.
But yes I’m a bit proud too today,- I didn’t answer. I went to my job, I did my work, I didn’t cry, not one single tear, and I even was available to work 2, 5 extra hours this evening in my home with my extra job 😊. I haven’t eat to much today, my stomach is still a bit “strange”. But I still stand on my feet,- even I felt pretty small this morning,- I did manage the day 😊.
My eyes are normally blue, but for some reason I don’t know, they changed to grey/green when I’m not feeling to good emotional, like today. They can even be black, but then I’m pretty angry- and most of the time I’m not that 🥰. And you know,- “the eyes are the mirror of the soul” ,- so maybe that’s why they are changing colour? The saying means a bit more then a color- change I think,- at least for me,- it means a bit more then just a change of colours in the eyes 😊. I think I’m going to “research” why one day, why my eyes are changing colour, – but not today 😊.
Does your colour on your eyes changes in different emotional situations?
Anyway,- I hope your day has been a bit better then mine 😊.
I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for dropping by my blog today too 🧡.
I did my best to day,- even the world felt pretty small this morning 😊. My eyes are normally blue,- but today,- for some reason they change to grey/ green 😳. They do that sometimes when emotional “bumps” shows up in my life 🙄. But it’s a saying like “The eyes are the mirror of the soul”,- and my soul has been a bit “down” today, a bit “grey” 🧡.
JustLailaS.❤ 