A bit mixed feelings today … about this day … 🎁 πŸŽ€

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧑 I’m fine,- but I have a bit mixed feelings today, about this day 😊. That’s life- and I m not going to whine too much about, just a little bit 😊.

Early in the morning around 07.00, the 27. January many years ago I was born. So today is actually my birthday 🎁. I’m not going to celebrate it,- and it’s a couple of years since I actually did celebrate my birthday too.

I did have a kind of celebration when I became 40. “The bump” gave me and “the bump” a hotel- weekend in one of the bigger city in Norway. And my two sisters did visit me in our home. The only time they actually did visit me when I was living together with “the bump”. And,- that was not their mistake, – it was just not easy to visit me when I did live together with “the bump”πŸ˜”. But when I became 40 it was okay to have a tiny bit visit / guests 🎁. The years I did live together with “the bump” I had totally 3 guests all in all. At my 40 years birthday it was my two sisters, and one time a friend of me did visit me. That’s it πŸ™„. And my birthdays after that I have been living in Spain,- and there hasn’t been any celebration 😊.

Well,- in away I had a tiny celebration last year at my birthday 😊. Fabian, my son in the middle, and Millie, his ex- girlfriend visit me and did bring cakes with them πŸ₯°. And in the afternoon I was visiting Natasja, and she did make dinner to me. It was a nice day, a nice celebration of my birthday 🎁.

So why do I have this mixed feelings today? Well,- it’s a couple of different thoughts that “jumps” into my head,- about the life, the age, expectations, dreams, wishes, goals, experiences in life, what have I manage- what can I manage- what will I manage? “Where does the road goes further” ? I’m in “my age”, but still not “come” any longer in life …. single, renting a home, always empty bank account, working as best as I can … So it is my age and my lifesituation together that’s bother me most today.

I have in one way been able to “put” a lots of different things in my life so fare,- so many different experiences, education, work, children, marriage, divorce, travels, relationship, friendship,- and Spain 🌞.

It’s more and less the last 6 years that’s feels like has been “stomped” ,- there has somehow been no development – or has it?πŸ€”

I have many nice, great and good experiences during this years 🧑. At the same time as it all can be “cut down to”- surviving, to working, to pay the bills πŸ’°. It has not been to much various in my life here in Spain,- and in some way that’s good, I don’t like to much challenge variation either πŸ˜…. But in an other way, – I should wish I had have the possibility to travel a bit more in the area, as well as visiting both Norway and other countries too, go to a concert or at the cinema, out for a dinner and a bit more then that too😊. Actually “do a bit more things” 😊. But in general it cost a tiny bit 😊.

At the same time, – I have learn different things about myself as well as the life. I have met a lots of great people. Got some incredible good friends too during this years 🧑.

If I start thinking to much, special about my age, and my life/ lifesituation I don’t feel very okay πŸ˜”. I feel a bit old and “out of fashion “, “out of order”, kind of “gone out of date”, or something like that,- to be honest 😳. And then my focus get over to this in general a bit “scary” “getting older,- process”, wrinkles, grey hair, where did the life went, the scary menopause, what have I manage in my life, my singl- status, “am I going to be single for the rest of my life?”, my bank- account- status, “will that one always end in zero when the bills are payed and the food are bought in, will there never be any extra left?, my livingsituation, and so on 😳.

And what can I do myself with the different things I don’t like in my life, my life situation, and the getting older process? πŸ€”. I feel I have tried so much, and are still trying my best to “turn the situations” around, the situations I’m not to happy with in my life. But it changes soooooo slowly that I closely can’t even see or feel it 😳. But maybe this is the way my life should be? πŸ€” I know I need to work and focus on my thoughts too πŸ˜…. But that one is not easy when there’s a couple of mixed feelings “rumbling” around in my “system” πŸ˜….

I think most about “what have I manage in my life so fare” and “what’s in front of me”? The “same” at has been for the last 6 years? Is that what I can “expect” in the future too? Work to survive? And that’s it? Get more different kinds of experiences in life for what? How to use them? What to use them for? Or will I be able to actually “do a bit more things” to? Travelling? And a couple of other things? πŸ€”

But,- I’m on my way to change somethings in my life,- like my working situation and my income 😊. I have got some regular online shift for some kind of support, a kind of health support. I have got 4 hours shift 6 days a week during all February 😁. That means regular work at the office as well as regular work at home 😁. I’m very grateful for that 🧑. I know February will be hard, really hard, – and March as well. In April the online company can be more flexible with my hours,- but now I need to “show off” and show the company that I can work, accept the hours I get, even it’s late evening shifts, and do a good job too during the next two months before I can ask for “better” shifts 😊. As well as I also need to “show off” at my great office job too😊. Because I really want to keep that job as well. Any way,- it’s makes thing so much easier to have regular working hours online as well as at the office,- a kind of regular working schedule,- even I have 10 and 12 hours working days to look forward too in February πŸ˜….

But I think and believe it’s worth it, all this hard, long working days I have in front of me,- and I will also see some results after the hard working too 🀩. At least I hope so. And that’s feels actually good πŸ’š. It’s going to be busy with so many hours and also keep my blog “up and running “,- but it doesn’t matter as long as I’m one step closer to one of my goals πŸ₯°.

When it comes to this nice wrinkles and the grey hair that’s slowly “shows up”, and “all” the other physical changes to be older, I’m going to put the focus on “all that” little by little, post by post when I’m starting writing more about “getting older” 😊. Not today,- today it’s more then enough for me to just think about my lifesituation I’m in, in my age 😬 😳.

Some says that getting older is “the best age”,- I’m still not so sure about that one. But I can try to do it my best age? 😊

From 0- 10, and from 11 to 20 – it’s my childhood and teenagers,- and in general I will say these 10 years are pretty much full of good memories. As a child as well as a teenager 😊. From 21 to 30 I did manage to get 3 children, be married and also divorced πŸ˜…. And even started on my last education, as a teacher 😊. My 30’s was not to bad either,- very busy, but not to bad at all. It was work and studies, children and football, karate and ballet. And even some “secret” and funny “relations” that was more and less just “my” relations 😁 πŸ˜‰. It was travels, family and friends,- it was some celebration and parties too, and even a bit it cinema and concerts,- it was incredible busy,- at the same time a good time 😊. Until I met “the bump” in the end of my 30′ s πŸ™„ …. that’s actually 9 years ago 😳.

Then it was the 40’s,- and I’m still “there” actually in the 40′ s,- and have more then a couple of year left to “stay” in the 40’s 😊. But this “10” years has so fare been hard. Like I have already mention,- it has been a lot of “work to survive”,- and that’s it. Of course “spiced up” with many nice holiday guests, and friends, and a kind of relationship with my neighbour for some years. And some very mistaken dates πŸ˜… and different changes in work- situations 😊. And new great friendships too 😊. But there has been a lots focus on work, earn enough money to pay the normal expenses as rent food, electricity and water. I hope that can change a bit,- and that my more then 10 hours working days / working shift now will “pay off” and with that I mean literary pay off too 😊.

And, yes,- a very nice and sweet boyfriend hasn’t been to bad either πŸ₯°. Maybe there’s one around “the corner” in close future? πŸ₯°

I know this year will be fine,- I just need to work very much,- not just physically working, but also with my brain, my mind, my head, my thoughts. Because I have a tiny little ( much more then little to be honest) believe in “thoughts becomes things” 🧑. So it is “mindset therapy” and focus on “Law of attractions” for me too 🧑. Then it is very important to have a positive focus and a positive imagination as well,- that’s for sure πŸ’› – even that’s not always easy to do 😊.

So, yes it is my birthday today,- and it will be “celebrate” more and less like most of my normal days, and my last birthdays during the last years has been celebrated, – not at all 🎁. Or I can say it will be celebrated with work 😊.

You have probably manage to find out how old I’m to day? I know I haven’t mention my age in my post, just different numbers 😊. Well,- I have done that on purpose, – not mention my age,- I’m not use to that number yet,- and I still don’t like “the number” either πŸ˜….

Anyway,- I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧑. Thank you so much for dropping by my blog today too 🧑.

See you soon 😊

It’s my birthday today 🎁. And I don’t feel very comfortable with my “new” age yet,- it will probably come after a while ,- “the comfortably ” πŸ˜…. Ps- photo was taken 11. January 2020.

Well,- it’s my birthday today,- and, honestly, I have a bit mixed feelings about that today 🎁. About “getting older”. In general it doesn’t bother me,- but this year, this time, this birthday has actually bother me a bit πŸŽ€. It’s not so much my ages that’s bothers me, just a tiny little bit πŸ˜…. It’s more my age together with my life situation,- but maybe that will take a new turn this year? πŸ˜ŠπŸ’šπŸ’›πŸ§‘.

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