Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡
I should probably written a bit about midlife crisis before I wrote this text,- because I know in a way why I do have this feelings of a kind of indefensible emptiness and sadness inside me. Like Im a “soggy lemon” now and then without any specific or good reason to be or feel like that 🍋.
I’m not depressed, and I don’t struggle with anxiety. So why this indefinable feeling of emptiness and sadness just out from nowhere?
I think I know why I have this kind of indefinable emptiness and sadness inside me at the moment. Not all the time, but it comes over me now and then. Sometimes its just for some hours, other times a day and two, or maybe even three 😳. And then it’s like it suddenly goes away in the same, strange tempo as it showed up. It’s like it’s “lightning up” inside me again. It’s like the indefinable emptiness and sadness are suddenly just gone.
It’s this “famous” menopause that’s “comes” over me in it’s own invisible way. It’s very difficult to explain this feeling of indefinable emptiness and sadness, and how it exactly is like. It is indefinable and it comes in a way out of nowhere and are there,- just inside me without any specific or good explanation or reason. It’s just “dropping up” inside me. And it doesn’t mean that anything special has happen in my life. Not anything sad, bad or something like that at all. It’s just “pops up”. If I can explain it like that?
I don’t cry or anything like that. I just feel indefinable empty and sad inside me like without no good reason to feel it like that at all. And I really try to shake it of me too, but that’s not easy either 😅.
I need to admit I’m very happy I’m alone at the moment. Live alone and is single as well. And work from home too. And,- yes,- its actually “perfect” for me that we have the different restrictions here in Spain at the moment. Then I don’t need to meet to much people either. For how to explain for and to anyone that I’m actually not sad, nothing is wrong, but still I goes around like a molefonken and soggy lemon 🍋. The only one who actually understand this are the ones who already has been like a soggy lemon them self during the menopause.
It’s like I feel I’m a teenager in the middle of the puberty and just want to say “leave me alone for a while,- nothing is wrong. I’m just confused over something I have not a clue about”. But I’m not a teenager, and Im not in the middle of the puberty, at the same time as I’m going through some hormonal changes in my body. Menopause.
The first days I had this strange indefinable emptiness and sadness inside me I felt a bit confused on top of this indefinable emptiness and sadness. I didn’t understood why I felt the way I did. In general I’m happy in my life and with my life and my situation in most areas in my life too. So why suddenly feel so sad and empty? 😳
I know I work a lot, and I need to work a lot too, and I can get really, really tired too. But it doesn’t bother me. Special since we live with the different restrictions. It’s a good opportunity for me to use so much time to work as much as I manage at the moment. So why this feeling inside me?
I started to eliminate my self, my life situation and my life for what could be the reason for this “soggy lemon” feeling?
It’s not my work or job. I like my job as an customer service agent. And I like my students and I do like to teach. Its actually even more fun to teach now when I can do it by Skype. And I’m okay with the online chatting job as well, even that one can be a bit boring sometimes. But just boring, nothing else or more then that. And I’m happy with my freelance writer job too when there’s textes to write. And I really enjoying to just work from home. So okay,- then I could eliminate away my jobs and work. Non of them makes me feel indefinable sad or empty.
My kids has moved out, and I do miss them every day. But to be honest,- I don’t want them to move back home again either. I’m very happy with them just visiting me, and they are very welcome to sleep over if they want to as well. But I don’t want to live together with them anymore, if I don’t need to. That part in my life is over. And I’m fine with that. I know all my three children are happy in their life, and I know they manage life and the different changes and challenges the life gives them. So I could eliminate that one too.
Then it was this “relationship/ boyfriend”- thing. I don’t miss any boyfriend, and I don’t feel ready for any relationship. I feel my heart, soul and mind needs to rest a bit, in a way actually even heal a bit before I “move back” to that area in life. And I also feel I don’t have any time for something like that at the moment. I have some work to do in my own life first. Okay,- then I could eliminate away that one too.
I miss my friends and I miss my family in Norway, but not more or less then before. And,- I really don’t like to live with the different restrictions or in this strange life situation we all live in at the moment. But at the same time I’m fine with that as well. In my own way I have found “peace” with this restrictions situation, and also see the possibility for me and myself to live this way at the moment. So it was actually not the corona- situation either that gave me this feeling of indefinable emptiness and sadness. Then what’s left? Then way feel like a “soggy lemon”?
It could be because I need to move my and my children’s things and stuffs from Norway to Spain during January/ February next year (2021), and it costs a bit, so I work as much as I can to earn money for that. But I actually don’t feel any sadness over it, just very tired for working so much as I do….and never feel like I reach “the save up goal”. But not a feeling of this kind of emptiness that just suddenly jumps up from nowhere.
I don’t feel like I’m in the midlife crisis either, because I think I had that one when I was around 40. That was a heavy bit of a shit, to be honest. But I can tell you more about that one another day. But that was a crisis in my life for real,- not like this “nice” feeling of indefinable emptiness and sadness. That crisis was painful all over my mind and body.
I still have my dreams, goals and wishes in my life,- and I do my best to work the reach them as well. To bad it’s only 24 hours in a day, because I could really need some more hours to just do my different plans, try to reach them. But okay,- maybe it’s a reason why I should use the time I have to reach my different goals, wishes and dreams then?
I don’t feel my life is over because Im in the age I’m. But I have not a tiny little clue where “my road” in my life is yet. The new road in my life, my area in life.
I have my thoughts about life and death too, but not in a struggling and sad way. It is just different thoughts. But, yes, more thoughts now then when I was younger.
So after reading a bit about menopause, and also asking different women that’s already has been through menopause,- my conclusion is very simple,- this indefinable feeling of emptiness and sadness is “just” because of the menopause. It’s “just” because of the changes my mind and body goes through. And of course also some thoughts about the future, what to do, where to go? How will this new area in my life be like? What can I expect?
Easy to live with,- well ,- actually not. This indefinable feeling of emptiness and sadness slows down my working process. And that irritates me a bit. Because it’s not easy to work hard and effective when your mind and soul are a “soggy lemon” you just want to shake and tell to behave. But its something I just need to accept even it’s a bit hard. And as long as I know why and what’s the reason for this “soggy lemo” feelings I also know it will go over, be finish one day. Just not exactly what day yet 😅.
And,- as long as I m more and less just sourrende by my self during this period it is okay too. I don’t let my indefinable emptiness and sadness goes out over other people around me. And that’s good to know 😊. And I take a walk when this indefinable feeling of emptiness and sadness is coming over me, or I do knit a bit or paint. I do my customer support job at time a well as my teaching- job because I have a schedule to follow. But its not easy to do the freelance online job when I just want to “soggy” a bit as a “soggy lemon ” “😅. Its difficult to motivate my self to work when Im in “the soggy lemon corner”. Then I need to take a break, and try again a bit later.
Are you familiar with this indefinable feeling of emptiness and sadness? If so,- then you know it’s not easy to explain why this feeling just drops up and out of nowhere. Or how it feels like either.
I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡.
See you soon 😊
I don’t feel my life is empty and sad at all actually 😊, but still this indefinable feeling of emptiness and sadness comes creeping into me out of nowhere in a way. It’s feels a bit like a “soggy lemon” that’s just “jumping” into me, inside me for no reason at all 😳🍋. And I feel like a teenager in the puberty and just want to say “leave me alone for a while,- nothing is wrong. I’m just confused over something I have not a clue about”😅.
#mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #Norwegian #emptiness #sadness #livinginspain #lifeis #menopause #midlife #changes #challenges #hormones #feelings #midlifecrise #positivefocus 🍋🍀