I don’t know what to say πŸ˜”πŸ’”

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧑

I’ve had a restless feeling inside me the last few days.  A feeling that I have not been able to explain, but which has made me very uneasy. And my body has been in a kind of physical pain too, without any specific explanations. I have had a strange feeling about that something is wrong, but I don’t know what is wrong.

But a couple of days ago I probably got the answer. I got my daughter home in a “circumstance” I think and believe no parents, no mammi want to see their child in. I’m not going to write to much about “the situation” around all this, or the “circumstances” , just try to keep my text as general as possible. Because it is about my daughter. And this text is about being a mammi.

She was in pain, physical pain that her, now ex-boyfriend, had inflicted on her. Do I need to explain this more and better? I hope not.

We needed to go to the emergency. Her body has different damages. They will all heal. Little by little. I know her mind will heal too. But I also know we have some heavy emotional weeks, or maybe even months, in front of us now.

She was so in love with this man. I had never seen her in love like that before. But he didn’t deserve anything of this love from her – nothing, nada!! I had a “bell” plinging behind my ear before she moved together with him, and I can explain why I did had this bell plinging behind my ear,- but still, because it is my daughter, I choose to just leave it without any explanations today. And I did told her before she moved out from my (now again our) home that if he only just one time put a hand on her she needed to come straight back home,- and he did and she did. She did come straight back home. But in general I don’t think a mammi or a daddy actually tells their children this, when their children move together with their boyfriend (or girlfriend) ,- “if he so much as put one hand on you, you’re coming straight home”. It was a reason why I felt it was necessary to tell her this. And to clarify this several times.

Some will maybe wonder why I let my daughter move together with him if I had some kind of issues. But I have also my own experiences when it comes to very bad relationships, and I know I can sometimes see ghosts that are not there. And in general I choose to believe that it’s just a ghost, something that in this case was, unfortunately, not correct πŸ˜”. An other thing,- my daughter is a young adult woman, she is able to take her own choices, and it’s not always you know it’s the wrong choice before you stand there with both of your feet πŸ‘£.

I have manage to keep my self together during the days. Tried my best to be there for my daughter. But I just feel so incredibly empty and so sad and so helpless and so so tired. I don’t cry before I’m in my bed,- and then it feels like the Niagara Falls just overflowed my eyes 😭 and I feel my heart goes to pieces πŸ’”. I had and have so much pain inside me for what my daughter has been through, I have problem with describe it. I wish so hard that I could remove her pain. I wish so hard that I could remove this experience from her life. But I can’t. And I don’t know what I can do for her. I want to do it all.

I know there’s always more then two pages in a story, and I know my daughter can be a stubborn and particular young lady. Something that in general is a very good thing. It’s me that has raised up her to be like this, and Im so grateful she is a stubborn and particular young lady. But of course she also have the mistakes and lack as we all people have. At the same time I also know she has the biggest heart for both people and animals.

But with or without human mistakes…..to hurt someone so much that we need to go to the emergency? πŸ€• She doesn’t deserve to be in this pain, she doesn’t deserve to be handle and treated like this. She didn’t deserve this experience in her life. And no matter how many pages I turn upside down, forward and backwards I still can’t find any good explanations or excuses for hurt someone in this way my daughter has been hurt.

I’m not angry….yet... But my oldest son, her big brother, is angry, my oldest son’s friend is angry, my good male friend is angry,- all three are men and they are angry. Angry because someone treated my daughter this way. Angry because someone treated the little sister like this. Angry because someone treated a young woman like this. My daughter is not angry …. yet….but her friends are angry. I know my daughter will be angry after a while, and I know I will be angry too. But at the moment I think we both are in a kind of shock.

I know a bit about “the emotional road” she and we have in front of us now, but I also know we have people around us that in some or another way will be there, and also walk some steps together with my daughter during this period she have in front of her. Something I’m so incredibly grateful for 🧑. And I will be here all the time as long as she needs me. Every tiny little step on the road ❀.

I feel sorry for this person, this man, because of what he did to my daughter. I feel sorry for him because I think, I don’t know, it’s just my thoughts, but a person who does something like this, needs to have some mental problem, mental challenges and mental issues he is struggling with. In my mind there is something from the past, some kind of issues that this person struggles with and put out in a act like this. In my mind this person needs help to handle his own challenges and issues. The solution is not to hit an other person.

I can’t find any other reasons or explanations for why else do something like this to another person.

I feel sorry for my daughter and that she got this experience in life. I feel sorry for my daughter because she is in both physical pain, and I know it’s only a matter of time before the mental and emotional pain comes.  And the grief of love over what she thought was her great love, the love of her heart and life. What she believed, thought and felt was the love of her life. And I know there will be days when she will defend him, explain him, miss the good times, think that it might be possible to fix this, fix him.  But he has received all her love and he could not take care of it, appreciate it, handle it. And to treat a person like this is not love. Like my daughter has been treated is not love.

I know we have some days in front of us now with different practical things that needs do be done in situation like this. And we have people to help us. Help us during the paperwork and the moving back to mammi- process. Help to pick up her things and stuffs and move them back home.

I have been “saying” (writing) a lot today in my text, at the same time I still feel I don’t know what to say.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧑. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧑.

See you soon 😊

I don’t know what to say. I have a lots of words at the same time as I feel there’s no words to find in the situation and circumstances that has happen during the last few days.

#mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #Norwegian #livinginspain #lifeis #mydaugther #beingamammi #unconditionallove #feelings #choices #challenges #changes #relationship #pain #tears #heartbroken #experiences #positivefocus πŸ€β€

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