Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡
I need to travel to Madrid next week for an errand, and the ticket is now booked. I was actually not looking forward to this trip, at the same time as I do. I’m special looking forward to be safe back home after this trip 😅.
It’s not my errand in Madrid I’m worried about, that’s just something I need to do. And that’s actually fine. It’s the trip to Madrid I’m not looking forward to, the trip,- and to be alone on the trip 😳. Travel alone to a place I’m not very familiar in, and I don’t know anyone in Madrid either.
I did hope to the very last I could manage to do this errand in one of the cities around in my area, a bit closer then Madrid is. But that was, unfortunately, not possible 😳. It’s 546 km from my home to Madrid. Not to fare, but it feel still a bit to fare away when you don’t feel very comfortable for travelling alone. And I did hope to the very last I could travel together with someone or someone could travel together with me. But not this time.
I’m actually not looking forward to travel alone ….. When I got the information that I needed to travel to Madrid for my errand I felt like I a kind if a bit froze inside my for a tiny little while ❄. Why? Suddenly it dawned on me that there will now eventually be many things I have to do alone in the future 😳.
That sounds maybe very strange, because I have been travelling to many different places in the world. And it also maybe sounds strange because I’m actually looking forward to live alone now. But it hasn’t dropped my mind so much that there’s a bit more “around” my soon “new life situation” then just be living alone in my home. It’s a bit more “connected” to this new life situation now when the kids are moving (again 🤭) out from the home and starting their own life.
I have been in Vancouver/ Canada and Seattle/ USA. I have been in Havana/ Cuba and also visit different places in Egypt. I have even been in Cairo, also inside one of the pyramids together with my two youngest children. That was actually a bit scary. My oldest son climb into the biggest pyramid on his own, but me and my two youngest was “happy” enough to try to take a look inside the smallest one 🗻.
I have visit different places in Spain also the islands that belongs to Spain. I have been in London/ UK and København/ Denmark and also visit some other cities in both Denmark and UK.
I have been in Turkey, Bulgaria, Polen, Greece, Croatia and Italy too, and some more places as well. I have even moved to Spain together with my children,- so why do I worrying so much for this trip to Madrid…..?
But I have closely never travel alone. And I have never felt frozen inside me because of a trip before either.
And if I have travel alone there has always been someone I knew at the destination for my travel, and then I didn’t felt alone, not even on the trip to the destination.
In general I have been travelling a lot together with my children. And even it was me that has arranged our travels, booked hotels and was “the boss” for our trips, I have never given a travel tiny little worried thought. I have never felt a tiny bit of frozen inside because of a trip. Just joy, happiness and exciting.
Imagine I was in Cairo with my three children from the age of 7, 10 and 14 years old. Just me and my children on a long travel to Egypt. And I wasn’t scared or worried for the trip at all. Just a bit scared when we was inside the pyramids. Actually so scared that I took both of my kids out from the pyramids long before we came into the farao’s room. But that’s the only time I have felt uncomfortable in a travel situation together with my children. No, that was tiny little lie. On a trip to Tenerife too, when my two sons suddenly disappeared for me. But this was things on and in the travel- not before the travel.
But this time, for this tiny trip to Madrid, I felt on worries actually days, closely a week and two before the travel, even before the travel was booked and started 😳.
What am I worried for actually? To miss the train? Loose my ticket? Be on the wrong train? Travel in the wrong direction? Do different mistakes? A accident? Yes,- a bit of all of this to be honest. But that’s is actually not the main reason. Because in general this things has more and less never happen for me. I’m not use to think about this things before a travel. The main reason for me is then,- why?
So why did I felt this, this time when I’m going to Madrid? Frozen inside me, worried? I needed to take a tiny dive inside my head and mind to find out why. And the “explanation” is my children and the safety net they actually has been for me for so many years – they still are and will continue to be- but in a very different way then before ❤.
My children probably think that only I have held them in their hand, but they have actually held me in their hands just as much, maybe even more 🧡. And this “hand- holding” is now changing. It’s has changed a bit for a while, step by step, little by little when my kids grew up to young adults and slowly started to live their own life. But suddenly I felt I was standing “face to face” with this “unexpected” changing, that actually are not very unexpected at all. But for me it felt different this time, because I haven’t give it to many other thoughts this new changes in my life- it hasn’t actually crossed my mind, to be honest, that to live alone, be home alone is a bit more, it’s a bit more then just live alone 😊. A bit very much more, actually, then just be alone in my home 😅.
And suddenly it’s my time to start to live my life a bit more in my own that I has been awared of. Though of. My children will still be there, in my life, but in a very different way then before 😊.
People around me has told me I’m so brave, and that I have manage so many things in my life- and yes that’s true. But I have been brave and manage different kinds of things in my life because of my children ❤. My children has done me brave and given me the courage to manage different things in my life. I have been brave and manage things in my life because of them, not because of me 😊.
Now I need to learn how to be brave and manage things in my life because of myself. And that’s a really big different for me. Maybe even a challenge how to manage that one. And I’m not sure how I do that either.
So when I had went a “couple of rounds with myself “,- I started to think about this trip to Madrid as a tiny little start and step to how to learn to be brave and manage things, on my own, in my life and just for myself. But,- one new step of the time 😊.
So yes,- I’m going to Madrid next week,- and I will probably manage that trip very well on my own. It’s “just” a new setting in my life I need to get use to 😊. In it’s own way this trip to Madrid is my first step in my life to be brave and manage things in my life for myself. Only myself 😊.
In one way I’m actually looking forward for this new, unknown and different “travels” in my life, on the other hand, it’s a bit scary too, to be honest , because I have not a clue where the new and different destinations are in my life, neither the physical nor the mental destinations , just this first one to Madrid😊.
I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡
See you soon 😊
I’m going to Madrid next week, a trip I need to take, but hoped to manage to avoid. But I didn’t 😳. Well,- I will probably manage Madrid when I have manage Egypt and a bit more then that too 🗻. And the trip to Madrid is maybe also a kind of “symbol” for the different changes and new “travels” in my life, both for the physical as well as the mental destinations 🧡.
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