My daughter’s story: The physical or the mental? 🤔

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Is there any differences between being exposed for physical violence and mental violence? Some will say yes and some will say no- but that’s because we have different experiences. And it happens in different ways too, and of course there’s also a time issue about how long the violence has been going on as well.

My daughter say “yes” it’s a different, a big one too,- and she have probably the best experiences to have an opinion about this because she has experienced both during a year. But of course- both types of violence destroy you in one or another way.

I don’t know- because I have “just” experienced the mental one.

What I do know about the mental one is that it’s very difficult to “prove” to other people around you. Family, close friends. In general they recognize changes with you, but at the same time it’s also difficult for them to “catch up” the changes, put a finger on it, and also “get through” to you with different questions. It’s also “easy” for the one who is exposed for the mental violence and abuse to “hide” it,- and it’s so difficult to explain it as well. Explain to people around what actually happens. Because you can’t “prove” it.

And little by little, slowly, step by step it’s like you losing your self, your life, your mind, your identity, who you actually are or was before you met this “mental violence” guy.

You get confused and shameful, unsure and in a way losing the direction in your life. It’s a bit like being “poisoned” in your brain, heart and soul- little by little, and in a way you don’t recognize the poison before it’s “to late”- before you are “sick”- mentally.

You can try to “explain” the mental with using different “examples”- but still it’s difficult, and some of the examples can even sound strange or be difficult for others to understand.

But when someone beat you up,- you actually have proff that “all and everyone” can see. At the same time as you can “excuse” and “explain” the blue, yellow and purple- colours on your body. Fallen down the stairs, walked on a door, and things like that.

The physical and the mental violence- one you can see and feel, the other one you can feel- but still both destroys the soul in one or another way.

My daughter didn’t go to the police station to report, when she was exposed for the physical violence- but everyone around her reccomend her to do it. But she felt on guilt that maybe Simon was correct? That it was her own mistake? Maybe she had used a bit to much time then necessary together with another man? Just talking with a friend, but still? Or could she had sent out some “wrong” signals to someone?

The wounds, bruises and swelling healed over time and in a way my daughter did too.  But she was afraid to go out on the street alone.  Afraid to meet Simon.  Maybe he was going to hit her again?  Because she ended the relationship?  Because she told what had happened to the management at work?  Because she started considering going to the police ?

But after a while, little by little, slowly she wasn’t so worried anymore. And the physical marks on her body was gone too.

Just some few photos from the day my daughter was beaten up: bumps several places in her head, hand grips mark on her arms and legs after Simon holding her and dragging her around in the apartment, swollen hand, cigarette mark in her face.

“Everyone” had a kind of understanding and did support my daughter in so many ways after the physical violence. Everyone could see the different marks Simon had left in her body. They could understand why she was worried.

And during this Spring she also met Nathaniel Caprino Engbråten. And he did show even more “understanding” for my daughter’s story and the physical violence that Simon had exposed her for, because his “story” was even more “teardropping ” then hers.

He told her, and like I mention, me as well, about a childhood with a lots of violence, drugs- and alcohol by his parents, no Christmas celebrations, no birthday parties, no money to food and so on- just so, so sad. And his dad did beat him and his mom so much that both was very close to die.

Of course this can be true- I don’t know- I haven’t checked it up with his mom- yet. I have got the contact information to his mom now- but not from NC- I manage that in an other way. But I’m not sure if I should contact her or not- the relation between her son and my daughter is over,- even it’s still a bit more to “take care of ” because of the relation they had.

My daughter has nightmares now, she didn’t had any nightmares after Simon- she “just” didn’t felt very safe when she was walking on the street- but in general she did sleep during the nights.

Now she had nightmares- they actually did started before she moved away from NC. They started when she was sick with Covid19 and have just continued following her.

It’s difficult for her to explain concretely how she feels and what’s happen in her mind during the days and weeks. But like I did mention in another text- she feel very strongly on this “stolen life”- her life was stolen from her. NC in a mysterious way did manage to not just steal physical from her like her money and some of her things- but also something inside her- something that she in the best way can describe as “he stole my whole life”. She did never felt Simon stole her whole life- he “just” created a worrying that slowly went over.

And like I mention- my daughter is struggling with long Covid19 and then it’s not so easy to “take care” of all and everything, or get a kind of overview over the situation. A very confusing situation because he did lie so much that it is so difficult to find out what’s true or not.

Even it was “easier” for my daughter to “show” the police the physical violence Simon did, because they was on her body as well as she had an emergency report, and also neighbours that could confirm that “things had happened” in that apartment. Neighbours could confirm sounds of crying and yelling, glass that’s broke and so on- she didn’t went to the police. Even there was so many evidence that she had the law on her page.

But she did go to the police this time- even the evidence are so much differently and more difficult to “show”, and needs to be “collected” in an other way as well. Thing takes more time to “prove” this time. And there’s so much too.

One thing was that all her money was gone- but I think this really awful feelings NC has left inside her was and is so much worse then the wounds, bruises and swelling Simon left on her body.

And the police has been great- they did meet her in a so nice and confident way. They showed her that they believed her, they took her seriously- and she was also lucky with the police translator- in a situation like this she needed to have a translator so “all and everything” was reported in a correct manner and way.

We have been here a couple of times during the last month- and the police is doing a great job for my daughter- that’s for sure.

NC had actually run of from the NIE bill and the police translator. He haven’t payed for anything- just ran off when he got his legal number. (NIE is the Spanish personal number we need to have here in Spain so we can live and work in a legal way).

The police translator had even more information that my daughter had about different things when it came to NC. And you can say the police translator also want to “take him down”.

I know it sounds awful to want to “take someone down” – but sometimes it’s, unfortunately, like that.

For some reasons it was easier for my daughter to report mental abuse than physical abuse.

And I’m so glad she did, and I’m so grateful for the way the police has met her, how they follow her up, her case and situation. And I know- if someone do anything to my daughter in the future it’s so much easier for her to report it now, because of the experiences she have with the police and the report, the whole situation.

It will be so much easier for her to go to the police another time. Well,- to be honest,- I really hope there will not be “another time”- it feels like this last 12 months with this kind of experiences are enough for a while.

I’m so grateful for that my daughter is taken so good care of from the police as well as family and friends during this time and situation. I lost friends and family when I went through something similar many years ago, and the police closed my case.  They reopened it in again in September 2014 – but after that I have not heard much more. I try to not think very much about “my situation- my case” in all this- but yes- I need to admit I have had a couple of “relapse in my mind” during this period. But that’s my story and it’s not much to use my time on or to tell about anymore. Life goes on 😊.

My daughter’s got wounds, bruises and swelling colour in blue, red, purple and yellow- outside on her body as well as inside of her body. The wounds, bruises and swelling outside her body is healed,- but the wounds, bruises and swelling inside her heart, soul and brain will take a bit longer time before the will heal.

This is her experiences from physical violence and mental violence, and how she did “deal” and “feel” with them- but experiences from this and the way out from the experiences is different from person to person. How to handle things is different from person to person.

A person who have been beaten physically the abuser goes to jail, but not the one who has beaten up someone mentally. Because of the “evidence situation”.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

A “palette” can also be on your body as well as I your soul- coloured up with different colours. Different colours for different experiences.

My daughter’s got wounds, bruises and swelling colour in blue, red, purple and yellow- outside on her body as well as inside of her body. The wounds, bruises and swelling outside her body is healed,- but the wounds, bruises and swelling  inside her heart, soul and brain will take a bit longer time before the will heal.

#mammi #beingamammi #mydaugther #mydaugthersstory #physical #mental #abuse #violence #hurt #healing #challenges #lifeis #NathanielCaprinoEngbråten #caprinomusic #Nathanielcaprino #destroying #nofilter

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