Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡
Like I mention in my last post I probably had my first experience with “the empty nest syndrome” for around 10- 11 years ago when Marius moved out. At that time I didn’t knew it was “the empty nest syndrome” I did struggled with. And I can promise you I did really struggle too.
If I had knew it was “the empty nest syndrome” I had probably taken some other choices in my life- but I can’t do anything with that now. I actually just need to do my very best to try to forgive my self for that choice- the worst choice I have done in my life.
I was confused and in a way very vulnerable, special over all this strange and new feelings and mammi thoughts that dropped and popped up and into my head, mind and heart. I was not prepared for that at all.
I, in a way, did “replace” the fact that Marius moved out with moving in together with a man I should never moved in together with. But before I did that, I did cry for days after Marius moved out 😭.
I did cry because he was in a way “finish” with me, he didn’t “need” me anymore. I did cry because I did miss him, missed to have him around me. I did cry because I was worried for him. I did cry because I felt I haven’t been a good enough mammi for him. I did cry because I remember the times I had been mad and angry with no good reasons, but just because I was tired- and I regret it so badly that I had been unfairly angry and mad 😔. I was worried I had “destroyed” him because of that. And I thought I had in a way “lost” him- but of course I haven’t. He was just growing up and out of the nest. And I was struggling through my first experience with “the empty nest syndrome”. But I didn’t know it was “the empty nest syndrome” at that point 🐣. But it was hard, so hard and so confusing.
But as many of you know, my children have a habit to move out and back in again to the nest. So I have been through this “empty nest syndrome” a couple of times now. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing. But I’m getting better and better to handle and understand what’s happen with me as a mammi now then before. Special after the first time my oldest child moved out.
I had the same reaction when Ruben moved out too. Tears and crying, feeling of regret. Feeling of lost and emptiness, and all this thoughts about being not the best mammi in the world for him. Thinking about that I should holdt him more, hugged him more, kissed him more. More and less the same emotions, feelings and thoughts “ritual” as with Marius. The same sad and bad “empty nest” feelings and thoughts.
It was a bit easier the first time Mathilde moved out because I knew it was just for a period. I knew that her rental contract was for around 8 months. And it’s not the easiest thing to find a long term rental contract during the summertime here in Spain. So she was going to move back home to me for a tiny period.
And I didn’t live alone for so many months before Marius and Andreas moved back home. And whoops- then the corona- situation showed up in our society and world too 😳.
During the two and a half last years I have in general lived alone for around maximum 3 months at the time, before one of my children moves back into the nest for a while 🐣.
So you can say I’m in a way starting to get use to “the empty nest syndrome”, and also handle it a bit better then just with tears and crying. But I need to admit I’m also a bit tired of not “getting” any longer then 3 months in this “learn to live on my own”- process.
But yes,- there’s still days I’m crying. And I cry for the time that’s over. My children have been my life for 27 years. They will still be my life, but just in a bit different way then before. But most of all I’m actually crying because I feel I haven’t been a good enough mammi for my children. They deserve the best of everything- and I’m not quite sure I was the best mammi for them.
The days and periods when I’m very into “the empty nest syndrome” I like to be alone. I like to sort out my feelings, emotions and thoughts before I can speak or talk or tell anyone about how I’m. Not who I’m, but how. Who I’m when I’m not a mammi living together with my children I don’t know yet. I think I need to live alone a bit longer then 3 months to find out “who”.
I know that when Mathilde moves to Bali I need to be alone for a while, not socialize to much or anything. Do what I need to do- like my job and things like that,- and just use the time on “me”. This can be difficult for some to understand, I know that, special for those who haven’t been through “the empty nest syndrome”. And like I mention in my last post,- we all do handle things in life differently. This is my way to handle it- use time alone for a tiny little while to “sort me out”. I have needed that every time my children moved out from the nest- and I know my self so good that I know it will probably be the same this time too.
And I’m tried too. I need a bit of time to just take care of my self, and no one else. Sounds maybe selfish,- but in general I take care of the ones who is around me and not very much myself, and there’s not to many around me that takes care of me- so I really need to use some time on that.
I haven’t “replaced” my kids with a man all this times, (but unfortunately I did it the first time- and learned my lesson), after their “moving out from the nest”- but with painting, writing, work, knitting, and just sit “up side down” and watch TV. And my next step, my plan at least, is to “put in” exercises and workout, and to learn the Spanish language in a proper way. And last, but not at least,- learn to live with myself. Take care of myself and just have the responsibility for myself. No one else.
I can’t have to many changes and challenges at the same time and to fast at the moment,- so I’m incredibly grateful that I don’t need to move for a while 🧡. That one had been really challenging now 😳.
I’m not going to “replace” my children with a animal either,- cat or dog or something like that. I’m finish with “taking care” of and “have the responsibility for”. And if I get a animal of any kind I will have a responsibility and need to take care of,- and I’m not there in my life. It’s just more and less my children that have “access” to that part of me now. No man, no animal.
And of course on top of the empty nest syndrome the menopause is also “tumbling” around in my mind, my head, my body, and is also something I want to “deal” a bit with on my own, alone. It’s not just always “easy days” with menopause either 😳.
But to be honest,- I haven’t still had the best possibility to “feel” to much around the empty nest syndrome yet,- because I in general have got 3 months now and then to be just me in my empty nest- so how things will be for real one day I don’t know, I can just have a kind of imagination.
An other thing,- if I have been the bad mammi for my children, something I think now and then, special for my two boys, they had probably never come back to the nest over and over again, and not on a suprise visit to the mammi either 🥰❤💙.
This is my experiences and thoughts, emotions and feelings when it comes to “the empty nest syndrome”,- and it’s not sure an other mammi or daddy have the same one.
I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡
See you soon 😊
I have been through “the empty nest syndrome” a couple of times now 🐣. It’s not the best “feeling in the world”- but it’s a kind of comfort to know I’m not the only mammi or parent that goes through this “emotional syndrome” 🧡. And it will be better, the emotions will change, take a new and better form and shape- like the life is changing, get new forms and shapes 😊.
#theemptynest #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #beingamammi #mammi #parent #mychildren #experiences #differences #emotions #feelings #thenest #challenges #changes #thougths #thedailylife #replacement #confusing