Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡
Like I did mention in my last post I did meet a “captivating gentleman” some years ago in Norway, and was in a not very mental healthy relationship. At least it wasn’t very healthy for me and my mind. And it’s not easy to explain to people around me either,- this mental destroying I felt inside me. People in general can’t see it. And it’s difficult to understand something you can’t see.
I have been thinking and working and tried to “process” my experiences, thoughts and feelings after being in a not very healthy mental relationship. The shame, the feeling of weakness, disappointments over myself,- and that I “allowed” it to happen, to be treated like something that felt like “nothing”.
I also mention in my last post that “the captivating gentleman” thought I needed different kinds of treatments to be “fixed”. It was different things that was wrong with me,- like for example if I had a heart my heart was filled up with black wholes, I didn’t put enough love in the food when I made food to him, I didn’t know what love was, special not unconditional love or how a relationship did function, I didn’t dressed correctly, I was too nice on the phone when I spoke with other people in the phone, I didn’t show the correct happiness when something went well for him, I should work less, and more things that I don’t remember- and this things needed to be fixed. So I went to different kinds of treatments to be “fixed”- and as more treatments I went to as more confused I became. I don’t remember all the different treatments either anymore,- but one of them was to be healed by some healed water in two blue glassbottles.
I’m actually not sure how this blue glassbottle ended up on our home in Spain, I have always liked the bottle, how it looks like- because it’s actually a nice bottle, but I have also never been able to use it, even I have tried many times. I just see myself sitting in the kitchen in Norway, with the glassbottles in front of me and wonder what would happen, what would and should be healed inside me, fixed this time? And would it be fixed? Would I be fixed?
So I chose “Breaking free” instead.
I remember I did sit with the glassbottles in front of me, and listen to a healer during the phone. The water should be healed and I should be healed, and we all should drink the healed water. The glassbottles must never be totally empty, because then the healed water was gone. That was a bit stress to remember to never let the glassbottles be empty for the healed water. Maybe I did forget it sometimes and that’s why I never was “fixed”, healed?
So one day here in Spain I found a hammer and broke the glassbottle and to be honest it was a fantastic feeling.
And “suddenly” (not so suddenly as it can seems when I write about it- it took bit more time then “suddenly”- but still it felt like “suddenly”) ,things felt much better and easier inside me,- special when I was able to forgive myself for choose to be together with a “captivating gentleman”.
I did made some art of the glassbottle too. I like the art,- “Breaking free”. Because that’s the way it feels- it feels like I’m breaking free from the past. And that’s actually a bit cool, and in it’s own way deserve to be some cool art 🎨.
It has been a long process,- special to start believe again, forgive myself and accept that “life is”, the past is the past- unfortunately, it all is what it is- and I need to try to do the best of it all, try to do the best of my experiences 😊. And I’m “on my way” much more then I have been for a very long time 😊.
I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 😊
See you soon 😊.
To “breaking free” from a past that’s have been a bit mental challenge in life it’s not easiest thing to do ⚒. It’s a process- the mind and soul needs to be healed in their own tempo (and not by healed water in a blue glassbottle), but hopefully with some kind of other help and processes. I have painted and broken – and created- and I’m in the more “correct direction” in my life then I have been for a very long time 🧡.
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