Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡
April is already a finish “capital” and May has already started. And like I feel the other months so fare this year went a bit fast, April did too.
In April we, or more correctly, Mathilde had the first roof terrace party in my, or again more correctly at that time, our home. A party thst went very well 🎉😊. But still I’m not going to have a party like that on the terrace.
It was Easter as well in April, and Mathilde did “leave the building” straight after and started on her new adventures in Bali 🏖. And so fare so very well, she is enjoying her new life in a new and very different place from Spain, and Norway too. She is very good to put out different posts both on Instagram as well as Snap chat. And it’s nice, funny and exciting to follow her and in a way be a part of her daily life. A tiny part, but still a part 😊.
I got some painting orders too in April, something I think are both exciting, a funny creative challenge as well as it gives me a bit ” performance anxiety”. Something that’s also good because I get more aware of how I paint and not least the customer’s wishes, as well as do my best to create the performance and illustrations that the customer wants to have painted 🎨. It’s a very new challenge for me, but a challenge I really like, a creative demanding challenge. Demanding in a positive way 😊.
And my oldest son became 28 years old too during April, and he also got a new job, a job he wanted 💛🙏. I’m incredibly grateful and happy for that 🙏💛.
I have used my time after Mathilde moved to organize the home in a way I like it and want to have it. I have also baked some cakes to have in my fridge for guests that’s dropping by 😊.
I’m in general not bored 😅. A creative soul have in general always something to do 😅.
Last Saturday, that means two days ago, I got a text from one of my colleagues. He needed a place to stay for 3 nights, until we get our salary into our bank accounts. I said yes to that question, but I was also very clear- it’s just then for three nights, because I knew the question would come- to stay here longer when he was “well installed” in the guests room. But that’s not a option for me now, not at all.
I can’t and I don’t want to live together with anyone now. Not even for money. I choose rather to work more hours every day then live together with someone. I really need this time on my own now. To get to know “me”. Some will both think and say I’m selfish,- I actually don’t care very much about that. It’s not correct for me to live together with anyone at the moment. I’m not there in my life now. I need to find my place in my life, and I can just do that when I’m just with my self.
So why did he, this colleague, need a place to stay for just some nights? Because our salary get paid out the 1.every month. And yesterday was both a Sunday and 1. May. So the salary button will not be pressed before today. And then some will have their salary into their bank account today, others tomorrow. I will probably have my salary into my bank account tomorrow.
He is inbetween apartments, but couldn’t move into the other apartment before he have paid for the deposit, and he needed to be out of the other apartment because someone else was going to move in there yesterday, the 1.of the month.
Who is this colleague of mine? He is a nice young man, about the same age as my eldest son. He is originally from Somalia. moved to Norway with his siblings and mother when he was 11 years old. And moved to Spain this Autumn to try some new adventures in life.
And why did I say yes to have a more and less foreign person in my home? My first thought was that as a mother I would have greatly appreciated if someone had helped my child in such a situation. My second thought was that I myself have received so much help from other people when I have been in a difficult situation. So of course,- if I can help for some few days I do that.
Of course the question did came to rent the guests room, but my answer was and still is no. It’s not going to change. It’s not a option for me now,- then I prefer to work more hours every day. I need this time to just be me, find out who am I when I’m not in the mammi- role, and to be honest,- I need to handle this new period in my life too that’s “knocking on my door” called menopause, without to many people around me.
To setting boundaries and saying no was and is a good and liberated experience for me, and something I will do more in the future, and a word that I will become better at using. It made me actually happy to learn to be able to use “no” without feeling guilty 😊.
I’m very grateful for what April have “teaceh” me,- like it’s possible to have a kind of big party in my home, but that’s nothing for me. My daughter handle her new life in Bali so fare very well,- something I’m incredibly grateful for 💛. My oldest son got a new job he wanted, and Im so happy for that 🙏💛 . I have got some creative challenges, something that’s a new and exciting experience for me, and I know very well that I can’t live together with anyone at the moment, but I can help out for a tiny little while 😊. To be more clear about this last one,- I did say no because that’s correct for me, but it’s very new for me to say no to someone else because it’s actually correct for me to say no. In general I say yes,- even when I don’t want to say yes. I’m actually learning to say no to things I don’t want or can do. Things that is not correct and don’t feel correct for me to do. I’m not use to that- but it feels not to bad at all to actually say no, and do something that’s just for me and myself, and feels good and correct for just me. (Obviously I’m growing up too, and learning to use the word no 😅).
It is my kind of freedom to be able to live alone now. And I have family and friends I want use time together with in my home the way I want to use the time. That’s the way it is for me at the moment 😊.
May is very welcome,- even I don’t know very much what this new month will bring me 😊. I know I have a week holiday next week, and I’m going to use that week, that days to do what suits me best- no one else then me 🥰, just me, except from a couple of days when I’m going to look after Zorro,- my eldest son’s dog, but that will be a nice 😊. To have Zorro will be a nice relaxation in the days, and Zorro does not require much other than food and water in his bowls and some airing 🐕.
I’m going to continue painting in May, and do my work as well when I’m “back” from my holiday. And I’m actually going to deliver a basket with oilpainted glassbottles to Natasja and the Cafe Casa Barella in Mijas- glassbottles for sale with solar lights inside, a little more environmentally friendly light in other words than what I use now 💡🌞. And I know I’m going to spend some very nice and cozy time together with family as well as friends 💛. So yes,- I’m looking forward to meet, explore and experience May 🥰.
I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡
See you soon 😊
I’m grateful for the different experiences April gave me 💛. They was nice and gentle 😊,- and I learned to use the word “no” more for myself and more consciously than ever before. A very liberated experience for me 💛. May has already started, and I know I looking forward with pleasure to meet what May has to offer 💛🌹 .
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