Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡
Both men and women goes through menopause,- but differently. And both can also deal with a kind of midlife crisis too, but also differently. And it’s not all and everyone that have a midlife crisis when they go through menopause. Some have midlife problems, issues and thoughts instead.
I’m probably there in that “area” where I have different thoughts about my life, my midlife. I don’t feel I have any kind of personal crisis . I think I had my personal or life crisis from I was around 39/ 40 years old, and probably until a year ago. Because it was long before menopause, my personal crisis was. I think the best word for what I went through during those years is a personal or life crisis, not midlife crisis. At least it felt like that for me. Like a personal crisis, like a stone in my stomach and a claw in my heart and soul. Not constantly, but very often. Closely every day. And of course that’s also exhausting.
A very short summary and version of my personal / life crisis: My economy was to just cry of, something I also did now and then too. I was in a very bad relationship for me, lucky that one actually ended, but not because I manage to end it. I was to confused and had to little believe in my self at that point to end it. I think the desteny took care of that for me, to help me “out” from something I was “blocked” into.
I was in a new country. I was so unsure and had so little confidence and believe in my self. Our Prairie in Norway was “long gone”. I didn’t have any money to move back to Norway even if I wanted too, and I didn’t knew what I wanted to work with either, and felt very miserable in my teaching job in Norway ( not because of the job, because of my life), and later my customer service agent on the phone job in Spain (it’s not the same job/ product I’m working with now). But I needed the salary so badly. And in a way I also did “lost” someone close to me in Norway during this time. Something I did struggle with for many years- and now and then I still feel on pain, but I have more accepted the situation.
It took me closely 10 years to get distance, to accept the situation as well as be able to find myself again, the person I did like before I met this man in Norway that in his own way “created” me to a person I didn’t like, didn’t knew and was to uncomfortable in the situation to be able to do something with it.
Now I’m not there anymore,- slowly, very slowly during the last 10 years I’m in an other inner place in my mind and soul,- special when it comes to my self and my own comfortably with my self, and the believe and trust in my self.
When this personal crisis, or life crisis, if you will, finally let go, I felt free inside me. A very reliving feeling.
So I don’t feel on any kind of midlife crisis now at days- I think that one is over for me, but I have some midlife thoughts. And most of them are about my future, my job, where to live. (Nope,- still no boyfriend thoughts about my future- 😅) What to do when I’m going to continue now? And I don’t know yet,- to be honest, and I think it will take a bit of time before I know, but hopefully not 10 years this time 😅🤞🙏.
At the moment I have a okay job as customer service agent on the phone and the online freelance job. The costumer service agent on the phone job is stable, the salary is stable and my working hours are stable too. I’m also working from my home,- something I prefer, and the tasks and costumers are not to bad at all. But do I want to work as a costumer service agent on the phone for the rest of my life? I don’t know. There’s no possibility to “grow” in the job or get knew knowledge, or new working challenges. It is what it is,- a costumer service agent job on the phone,- nothing more and nothing less.
And then it is this pension. I’m not getting any younger. And how will the pension question be for me if I’m moving to another country and starting working there? In Norway I know how it is as well as here in Spain,- but in Norway I’m going to have big economic challenges- and how will I manage to go through something like that again? And like I mention,- I’m not getting any younger.
And because I’m not getting any younger I’m also more and more invisible in the work market. Not so attractive at all. In Norway I could probably get a job in a store for the same company I’m working as a costumer service agent on the phone. And that’s okay,- but again- my economy in Norway is at this point a very lost case. So at the point to move to Norway for me will be challenging, special because of my Norwegian economic situation. ( something I can “thank” the stupid, stupid ex boyfriend in Norway for). But yes,- I do still actually consider Norway as a potential to stay “for the rest of my life”. But I need to find a couple more “solutions” on that one, that’s for sure.
Can I move back to the place in Norway where I’m actually born in and from? Or will I be lonely there?
I have also considered Ireland and Canada as well, or just continue stay in Spain. But Canada is very fare away,- so I think I let that one “go”. Ireland? I need to do more research then. Or just stay in Spain, have and do my job and,- until I die one day? Because that’s what’s going to happen to the end,- but what will I do in the meantime? What will I fill my life up with before I’m 101 years old?
Of course my dream is to be able to have my paintings as my main job,- and I do try to find a way to manage that. But as we all know,- a job as a artist is in general not a very good income economic job. It’s hard, hard work to manage success and also survive economic. And maybe even harder for me because of my age.
So at the moment and probably some years forward I’m going to be thinking about this,- my job, economy, where to live and be old. And how to live inbetween. And try to find a solution that suits me.
I’m also of course thinking about my children. I have one son in Norway, one son in Spain and a daughter in Bali. I want to live a place where it’s easy for me to be able to see and meet all three of them as much as possible. And then I’m thinking as least it will be possible to travel and visit them now and then during a year. I don’t think Canada is the best solution for that,- that’s for sure 😊.
I’m very happy and grateful for my living situation and the home I’m living in now. I enjoy to stay here, and I think I can stay here for a while too, if I understood Natasja correctly? But that’s also something that can’t last “forever”, one day I need to move out,- and I don’t like to move and move and move,- so after a while I need to find a home I can stay in for a long, long time. Hopefully to the day my children are sending me to the sky.
So no,- I’m not in any midlife crisis, but I do think a lot about what I want and where to go in my future. The good thing is,- I’m not stressing about to find a solution for it “all” now,- but hopefully I have some solutions when I’m maybe at age 55? (I have some few years to think and find a solution and two,- – I’m still “just” 49 😊).
I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡
See you soon 😊
I’m not in a midlife crisis, even the menopause is “knocking on my door”. I think I went through my kind of personal crisis instead in a period for closely 10 years 😳. But I have some midlife thoughts, and I do think a bit about them. Actually a lot. Norway? Spain? Costumer service agent job on the phone? Or maybe painting? Or something else, somewhere else? I don’t know yet.
#midlife #midlifecrise #midlifethoughts #changes #challenges #work #workingsituation #thougths #feelings #choices #menopause #mylife #gettingolder