I will probably do it again and again… 😊

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

My three baby ducks are young adults children now and in general also live on their own,- but now and then they still need to live in my home for a period and more. And I’m starting to wonder if that’s a part of my new “era” and epoch in my life? To not live totally “on my own” for to long …. at least not yet 😊.

“My three baby” ducks on their way out in the world,- but now and then they turn back home to their mammi 🥰

I’m on my own again now, my home is “empty” and it’s just me in the house, and I need to admit it’s nice and quiet, just the way I like to have it now at days in my home, in my life. But this time I think I’m not going to “brag” to much over my new epoch and era in my life,- this “part” where I think I’m going to live alone in my home because my children has moved out …. again 😅. I have already done that one a couple of times,- and it wasn’t quite “correct”.

I also need to admit that I’m going to do this over and over and over again,- let my kids live in my home for a while, for a period when ever they need this kind of help from me. No matter how tired I’m or how “needy” I’m with this focus on my self, my life and my time. And my children know that- I’m here and I will be here as long as they need me – no matter how, why, when and what 🧡.

And I know I’m incredibly lucky that have this possibility to help my children in this way,- let them have a bed to sleep in, food on the table now and then when they need it, and need this kind of help from me 🧡.

And I know I’m incredibly lucky that have this three children that obviously feel in their own a kind of safty and comfort with coming back and back and back again to their mammi’s home when they need this kind of help ❤. And I’m incredibly grateful for exactly this,- that my children actually feel in a way safe and comfortable around me, and loved by me- if not I don’t think they have come back home again as they do now and then ❤.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

My three “baby ducks” needs now and then to be back in the home with their mammi- and even I’m finish with all “this” my children will always be welcome to stay in my home whenever they need it ❤.

#mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #Norwegian #livinginspain #lifeis #menopause #midlife #movingout #movingin #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #mychildren #happiness #joy #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky

I’m not ready for this …. again 😳😅

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

During the two last years I have had some kind of “moving in and moving out” process mostly every second or third month in my home. Then it has been to reorganize the home as best as possible to get room and space for both the people and their things and stuffs, as well as my own.

This last moving situation was my own, and that’s around 3 months ago.

My plans changes every time in a situation like this, this “moving out and moving in”- situation, and its delays my plans too….. and unfortunately, I use time to “get back in business” again as well, to “find” my routines again. Or even find a new routine. I don’t know if this is “normal” for “all and everyone”,- but for me it takes a bit time to get back in my “normal” routines after a “moving in and moving out” situation.

In general it’s my children that’s move in and out, and now and then some friends of them too. So “here we go again” 😅.

I manage to live “on my own” for around 10 weeks this time before I got a “child” dropping by with bags and boxes, and a dog and a friend too.

And I got 2 weeks “notice” before they just come “rumbling” into my home with all their stuffs.

Some of ny oldest son’s bags stable in the livingroom at the moment

I need to admit a couple of things when it comes to this last “moving in” – situation,- I did actually cry a bit, for myself, alone in my bed, because I wasn’t and I’m not ready for this again- reorganize my home, live inbetween boxes and bags, “put my life” as well as plans “on hold” for a tiny while….again, and Im not ready to live together with anyone at the moment, to be honest, closely not even my children at the moment.

I know it sounds awful, and I feel awful too, because I feel it like this. But unfortunately it’s still the truth.

And I didn’t see it’s coming either, this “moving in”. I actually thought I was more and less finish with this “moving in and out” situation for a very long time. But obviously not.

It’s my oldest son, his dog and a friend of him that “moved” into my home for around 2 weeks ago.

I know that wasn’t their plan either, and it was really not my plan,- that’s for sure. But of course I’m helping my child, my children as best as I can with the possibility I can and have. But I told them they could just stay a couple of weeks this time, and use this weeks to find another “living” solutions.

And my oldest son knows I’m not to happy with this “solution” and situation, at the same time he knows I really, really love him, unconditional ❤. I just don’t want to live together with him any more 😅. And my son knows about this text, it’s not a secret for him that I actually wasn’t overwhelmed  by happiness for living  together with him again 😅- and he is also looking forward to not live together with me,- but it was and is necessary at the moment for him to do this 🧡.

My oldest son and his friend had actually a house they should move into, but suddenly the owner changed his mind. Not to let them rent, he chose to but put up the deposit from 2 months to 3 months 😳. And of course that’s not okay. And expensive too,- and the changes and possibilities for getting the 3 months deposit back when you are moving out is more and less, and unfortunately, a “lost case” here in Spain. And maybe even more now at days in this corona- situation and the economic situation the pandemi has “created”, then it was before.

The house or apartment you are moving out from can be in perfect order, but still the owner will find “something”, some kind if reason to not pay back the deposit. Of course there are rules and rights for this, to get back the deposit,- but it can be a long and struggling way to go.

I don’t say this is the way for all and everyone, but yes, in general when you are renting a place to live here in Spain you can just say “Goodbye” to the deposit you did pay. Like I mention,- there are rules and rights also for the one who is renting,- but the process can be long and difficult,- and yes,- we live in Spain 😉. To have rules and rights and to practice the rules and rights can be two very different things.

Anyway,- my oldest son, his lovely dog, Zorro and his friend are “camping” over in my home now at days, and I’m not to happy with the situation at all. At the same time as I struggling with feelings like being a bad and selfish mammi who want to live her own life now. I feel on guilt because I’m not very happy over this “moving in”, and it’s my child too. But for my children I try to do as best as I can to help them out, even when I’m not to happy for the situation.

I think the “worst” thing this time is that I live together with someone I don’t want to live together with anymore,- my son’s friend. I have lived together with him before, twice…..and it went okay,- and he is an okay guy,- but not “my kind of guy” or my kind of friend or my kind of living together partner.

Short summary,- he doesn’t do very much, but still except to be “served”. And have even a tiny challenge to say “Thank you” when he gets served.

Some people it’s just like they have a straw into your soul and just “drinking” out the energy. I don’t know if you have any experience with that kind of people?

I understand my oldest son and his friend’s friendship, and why they are friends, but still it’s not my kind of friend or friendship. And I actually think this is more “hard and heavy” for me to live together with this friend then to live just with my son and his dog. Maybe things has felt a bit more easier if it was just thise two that moved in? I think so.

Zorro,- my son’s dog is a very happy and easy dog- so he is actually not the biggest “challenge” now at days 😊. Probably I’m the biggest challenge to be honest 😅. A grumpy mammi 😅

They are all three moving out next week . I feel and felt bad for giving them a “time limit” to find another living solution then to stay in my home “forever”. But I have also plans and things I want to do,- kind of life where I m not just a mammi anymore……a life on my own, without any responsibility for someone else.

I need to admit I don’t have the energy for this at the moment, this living together with my children, and even more together with someone I really don’t want to live together with, and I don’t want it like this either. I need a bit of time on my own now, do my things, live my life, be just me, not the mammi- me. “Fille up” with some other kind of energies for awhile so I probably can “handle” a situation like this a bit better next time then I did and do this time.

A colleague of my told me that my children obviously and probably likes to live with me, and enjoys being around me a bit.  And that I am lucky to have children who come home, and home and home again. It’s not for all parents to actually have this kind of “opportunity” to spend this kind of time together with their children, or even be liked so much by their children. And I see and understand what she mean, and of course feel even more bad then, and a bit shameful too,- just because I actually it’s and wasn’t to happy with this “moving in” situation this time.

I’m actually incredibly lucky, I know that ❤. So there has been a lots of mixed feelings around my “living together situation” this time. Guilt, shame, feeling as a bad mammi, feeling selfish at the same time as I also want to help my child and my children ❤.

And this menopause doesn’t make the situation better or easier either to be honest. I really like and want to be alone when that one is “fucking up” with my brain. And I told my son that too. I know he doesn’t understand, but okay,- it is what it is.

I think maybe if you are a parent with grown up children, or young adults children, you know and understand why I feel the way I feel when it comes to this “moving in” again situation? Or is it just me?

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡.

See you soon 😊

A bit stuffs and things here and there,- and the friend need to camp on the sofa. I didn’t had or have any other solutions at the moment. I can’t reorganize “all an everything” either.

I need to admit that I wasn’t ready or to happy for this “moving in” situation a couple of weeks ago, and unfortunately I’m still not. At the same time I feel on guilt and shame and being a bad mammi. At the same time as I of course want to help my child, and i do feel grateful too. So you can say,- it is a bit of mixed feelings at the moment 😳😅.

#children #mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #movingout #movingin #lifeis #livinginspain #Norwegian #feelingshameful #feelingbad #feelinggrateful #changes #challenges #menopause #midlife #lifeexperiences

A year ago ❤🛫

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Today it’s a year since my middle son did moved to Norway 🧡. A year since I have hugged him and kissed him.

I’m not the only mammi that haven’t been able to kiss and hug my child, my young adult child, in a year. And that’s because of this corona- situation.

I really miss him. Miss to have him around me, not live together, but just be able to see him now and then, like I did when he was living in Spain. To hug him, kiss him.

I’m very grateful for the possibility to text him, talk with him and see him on “facetime” like WhatsUp and Messenger. And I know all is fine with him up there in Norway ❤.

He have a job, he is soon finish with the driving license, he is training football and exercises, he is spending time together with family and friends, and has even found an apartment he wants to buy 😊.

His plan was to visit me, us, here in Spain during this summer, but it became a bit difficult because of different restrictions during travelling to Spain from Norway. Special Spain. Because Spain has, and in a way still is, a very “red” country for Norway when it’s comes to the corona- situation.

Hopefully he will be able to visit me in Spain during this Autumn, but I don’t know yet, we don’t know yet.

A year goes fast and still so slow, and we do manage to “put in” all kind of different experiences during a year. In one way this year has went fast, in another when it comes to my middle son, I feel it’s like forever since I hugged him ❤.

I’m very grateful all is fine with him, he is healthy and he is enjoying his life, he is a young adult and it’s natural that he lives his own life, but sometimes it’s a bit to fare away. I’m a bit to fare away from him, he is a bit to fare away from me ❤. But this is life, special during this corona- situation.

I miss my middle son, I think of him every day, I text him, and I’m so lucky that I’m able to “see” him and at least give him some “air” – kisses and “air” hugs during Messenger or What’s Up ❤. It’s not for all mammi’s to be able to do that.

And I’m incredibly grateful he is doing well up there in Norway ❤. He is happy in his life, he is enjoying his life ❤. And I’m incredibly proud of him and proud he is my son and proud to be his mammi ❤.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

This photo was taken one year ago at the airport in Malaga/ Spain- my middle son and me ❤ A photo that tells more then any words can say ❤

One year ago my middle son did moved to Norway, and I haven’t been able to see him, hug him or kiss him during this year ❤. I really miss him, but at the same time I’m very grateful he is doing well and is happy in his life❤. And I’m very grateful for things like What’s Up and Messenger too ❤.

#mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #Norwegian #Norway #mychildren #mymiddleson #proudmammi #coronasituation #mysoninthemiddle #feelinggrateful #unconditionallove

Goodbye August 👋🌻,- and Hello September 🤞🥀

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

The best is to try to focus on the good moments and memories, even when you “crashing” out of one month, or a happening in your life and “crashing” straight into a new one 😳. But easy? No. But possible? Yes 😊.

We are already closely a week into September, but I actually did “crashing” out of August and just continue “crashing” into September. So I needed a couple of days to just sort out a couple of things before I was ready to write, to say Goodbye to August, and Hello to September 🥀.

At the moment I’m not quite ready to “welcoming” September, but I probably will be there, little by little, but I can at least say Hello September 😊.

August was a very warm month, “touched” up with some great moments worth keep in my mind and soul with happiness and a smile 😊.

I started in a new job, and I’m very grateful for having a job 🧡. I’m back in my home office, something I’m also very grateful for 💻🎧☎️. Pleasant guests has dropped by during August, and I even managed to do some baking too 🥨. I have try to enjoyed the sun as best as I can, but I need to admit it was a bit difficult under a sun with 43 +++ degree ( Celsius) 🌞. Then it’s good to live so close to the beach and ocean 🏖. And Natasja did dropped by too, it was so nice to see her again 🥰.

But August wasn’t just joy and happiness. I did find out that a person who I thought was a very good and trustworthy person was not that at all. I thought this person was a good friend I could trust, but it was just a person who used a friendship for it’s owns benefits.

I need to admit that to find out this was not to good, but at the same time it’s better to know then not know. But I have used a bit time to “get over it”. Get over that this person is not worth my time, energies or tears, but yes, I have used both times, energies and tears on this person, or more correctly, on the way this person did “treated” me. I know it is not worth it, but still it wasn’t so easy to control my tears or my disappointment.

I have choose to not use to much more time on “why”, or this person, or what happen. I have already use to much time, so I just leave it to that. Must of us has been there,- had people in our life that wasn’t the friends or people we thought they was. It’s not the first time for me either to meet a person like this, but hopefully I will meet less and less.

Then my bank account became closed again and I didn’t have any access to my money. Of course this happen on a Friday too, just in case. So I couldn’t reach the bank or any other office before after the weekend. And also I needed to get permission from my job to go to the bank as well.

And just in case,- this time when I went to the bank they couldn’t open it. I need help from some a bit “higher” up in the “system” 😳. Something that’s not to easy to do when “all and everyone” = all kind of office are open when I’m at work. But after a week with no access to my bank account, and actually no money either then, except from the money in my bank account that was “locked” and I couldn’t use, I was “allowed” to get money to pay the different expenses and buy some food. But that’s it.

Just in case I also got my period that week I hadn’t any money, and of course I didn’t have any tampons or something like that in my home either. Because my plan was to buy all this stuff that Friday my bank account was closed. And also just in case I was empty for shower soap too 🧽🧼. Fun? No, not at all.

Lucky for me I was at least working from my home so I didn’t need to go any office in my “condition”.

Solution for my period, – well I used toalett papir, but that wasn’t quite the best. Then I used washcloths,- not to comfortable, but better then the toalett papir or nothing at all. And I had shampoo, so I washed my body as best as I could with shampoo, and my hair too. And of course I manage to bleed during a couple of clothes too. Still very happy I was working from my home 😅.

My bank account is still not up and running as it should be, but I have got some days off from my job in the end of September to fix different kinds of things. Go to the different offices and a that kind of stuff.

As some of you know I was exposed to financial crime / financial fraud in Norway in 2012. Something that I’m probably going to struggle with for the rest of my life,- obviously no matter how hard I’m working to get back in my feet again 👣.

And of course I’m the one who get the “punishment” even it wasn’t me that did the economic fraud. The people who did it will probably never get any punishment if not karma kick their as one day.

It’s not any kind of financial crime that’s happen in my bank account at the moment,- that’s what my bank actually trying to avoid. That’s why even I haven’t any access,- but to get the access I need to visit offices and lawyers- phuha! That will be fun 😳. At least it will be fun, I hope, when I can use my bank account and my bank card normal again. But it’s a process that will take s bit of time and energy. And it has already took a lots of time and energy. Not just this last week, but the economic fraud has taken many years of my thoughts, feelings and energies. And I probably just need to start to accept the facts that this will probably following me and affect my life for the rest of my life.

All here Im telling you are very short version of what actually happened. It’s takes a bit of time to take the long version 😊. And it did took a big more then just a couple of days to been “through” this different things. The last week in August and the first one in September has been a bit challenging to be honest. I feel I crashed out of August and straight into September with out any control over my life, my time, my money.

But in the beginning of September I was able to pay my bills and buy some food, soap, and of course some tampons too, but then my period was over 😅.

And just in case,- when I feel I have a bit more then enough with my own things and stuffs in my life to sort out and fix, my oldest son is knocking on my door and need a place to sleep in between apartments 😳. And it was not just him, but of course his dog, Zorro and his friend too.

And just to “top it all”,- this French man I meet some years ago is back in Spain again 😅. As some of you know, – he was in Spain in the middle of my moving process this June, and now his back again and texting and texting and want to meet up. Well,- I’m not exactly “there” now at days to meet up for a “date”- and I also know what kind of “date” he wants to have. I don’t want to have that kind of date at the moment. It has been to much for me during the lasts weeks.

And yes, I have been praying and crying a lot, and asked for solutions, and at the same time tried to be grateful for everything that’s good in my life too 🧡. I need to admit I was very close to just give up all and everything a couple of days ( not suicidal- I’m not there anymore). But then I became a bit more “No, what the fuck- I’m not going to let this break me, I’m going to find solutions and do all the best I can with my “situation” and my life”.

softies home pajamas

I could have told you all this with a bit more dramatic, the real dramatic I have felt and experienced during the last 2 weeks, but it would take to much time,- and it’s probably not to much of interest for you either 😊. But that’s why I have been a bit “silent” on my blog and not quite ready to “Thanks August” or wish September welcome- because I felt more like a ” big crash” than something I wanted to say “Thank you for” or wish welcome to. I know I have a lots of things to be Thankful for during August, and I think I will have a lots of good things to welcome in September too. But at the moment I’m really not sure what it is. In that “place” I’m now I just see a lots of challenges and then not good challenges. But of course that can, and hopefully, will change 😊.

I don’t want to much drama in my life, or negative challenges. I just want my life to be nice, peaceful and quiet. Hopefully it will be like that too, soon 😊.

I’m sending you a lots of good thoughts and hope the life is good to you 🧡.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog 🧡

See you soon 😊

I felt and still feel a bit like this- a bit “broken” inside after “crashing” out of August and “crashing” into September.

The best is to try to focus on the good moments and memories, even when you “crashing” out one situation in your life and “crashing” straight into a new one 😳. Easy? No. Possible? Yes 😊. We are already closely a week into September, but I actually did “crashing” out of August and just continue “crashing” into September. So I needed a couple of days to sort things out a bit before I could both say Goodbye and Hello 😊.

#changes #challenges #lifeis #happeningsinlife #economicfraud #lifesituation #solutions #work #positivefocus

A cozy evening in my “backyard cafe” 😊

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

As some of you know I have “created” my private backyard “cafe”. It’s not a real cafe, because I don’t sell anything, I don’t even have a menu,- it’s just a cozy place in my backyard to spend nice afternoons, or even some evenings alone or together with my family and friends 😊. I actually spend most of the time in my backyard together with someone, not very often alone 😊.

I’m, obviously, not the only one that think this place is cozy because I have family and friends dropping by here now and then during the week as well as weekends 😊.

I have put up some lights and candles in my backyard too, something that’s creates it’s to a even nicer place with a good atmosphere during the evenings 🕯💡.

And it’s good to have something to offer from my freezer like homemade muffins or cinnamon rolls or something else to offer my guests that’s dropping by 🥯.

Enjoying a cozy the evening in the backyard with good food and cozy lights 😊

But it’s not always it’s “suits” to serve cakes and cookies, special not after a warm summer day 🌞. So baked potatoes are a tasty and delicious meal too make, easy too, and “spiced” up with some ingredients like bacon, corn, some salad, dressing, butter, it’s actually a tiny meal.

So last time I had guests in my backyard I actually served baked potatoes together with different ingredients 🥔. Of course it takes a bit time to bake the potatoes in the oven, and even longer in my mini oven 😅. But then it’s just to enjoy for example the beach and the ocean in the meantime, or just the good company from family or friends 😊.

Baked potatoes with different ingredients I served to some of my guests one evening last week 😊.

Like I mention in an other text, it’s a bit of mosquitos in my backyard, and that can be a challenge. I have tried different kinds of things to keep the mosquitos away, and in general it helps for a tiny while. But then they are back again 😳🦟.

So I used Google, because I don’t like the company of the mosquitoes to much, I don’t think anyone actually do,- and there I did find something that, some “tips and advice” so fare, has kept the mosquitos away for more then just a tiny while 🦟.

It’s a very easy tips and tricks,- it’s coffee that is used in a coffee maker and barbecue chips that are used on the grill.  Put the coffee grounds in foil and put it in an ovenproof dish, place the tray on top, and light it.  The mosquito flies away because it does not like the smell. And they are not coming back before the coffee ground is burned up either. And it’s burn for a while too. Of course it’s depends of how big the “mix” is 😊.

I can’t say the smell from this “mix” is the most “flattering” smell I know, at the same time as it reminds me about Norway and barbecue at the beach. And it’s also so much better then be bitten by mosquitos 😳😊🦟. And the mosquitos don’t actually create a very cozy atmosphere either, more like a very annoying atmosphere actually.

Just a tiny tips to you from me,- if you want to try to keep the mosquitos away and don’t want to use to much “poison” from different sprays of any kind to keep them away 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

My “keep away the mosquitos” mix 🦟😊

My backyard it’s become a very cozy place where friends and family likes to drop by for some food, a cozy atmosphere, good conversations and great company (me 😅) 😊. Unfortunately the mosquitos also like my backyard a tiny bit to much, but I think I have found a solution and mix to use to keep them away for a while now. At least it’s function so fare 😊🦟.

#backyard #friends #family #atmosphere #cozyplace #droppingby #food #homemadefood #bakedpotatos #mosquitoes #solution #function