Is it worth it? ❤💘💔

Hi ❣It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Like I mention in my post “ I’m currently not dating….” it’s because of my experiences when it comes to dating and even more when it comes to relationships. And I know I need to resett my self a bit, a bit more then I actually thought.

I haven’t lost the faith in love and relationship, because I see both family and friends around me have great relationships. Functional relationships build on a bit different things then my last relationship was. So I know it’s possible to have a healthy and loving relationship with the correct person and partner.

I may seem bitter, critical and cynical when it comes to love and relationships – but I’m not really.  I see that it all, my attitude to relationships, is based on my own experiences, and not necessarily what for most couples and relationships is a reality. I’m just worried the reality I have, my experienc, when it comes to relationship is going to be a reality and truth for me one more time,- and I know I can’t handle that one more time. It takes so much time and energy to just be “here” I’m now, and I have still some steps left to walk.

To be “here” I’m now has took me over 7 years, and there’s still things that’s make me want to throw up when I think about relationship, and I know I’m not ready to handle different “challenges” a relationship can gives, yet.

I’m not interested to be in a relationship now. I need to resett my self, my mind, soul and heart before that can be a “issue” again.

I’m not interested to have all the differents commitments it’s obviously necessary to have when you are in a relationship.

I’m not interested to be treated so bad as I has been in relationship anymore. I’m not interested to give so much from my self and get so little back. I’m not interested in all the different “restrictions” , claim and demand there is in a relationship. I’m not interested to be told all the different things I’m doing wrong. All from what kind of clothes I’m very, complains about the food I’m making or what wrong store I did bought it in. I’m not interested to listen to all the things that are wrong with me and all the different kinds of treatment I need to have so I can be “correct”.

I’m not interested to feel so totally alone anymore. I was and felt more alone, lonely and lonesome in that relationship than I have ever been, and then I’m now when I’m actually alone, now when it’s just me. I actually lost the contact with my family and my friends during this relationship,- and I was totally alone too ( except from my children, I unfortunately, also manage to drag with me in this’ that’s incredibly painful to think about 😭 💔).

And I was scared too, and worried. I felt I had a big, big grey and heavy stone in my stomach. And I did cry a lot, but I had no one to go too.

I’m not interested to feel so miserable and confused anymore. Or so unsecured on closely everything. Myself, my work, my interests, my thoughts, my body, my health, my mental mind, my clothes, my habits. I don’t want to feel so totally alone and failed in “all” different areas of life.

I’m not interested to be and feel monitored and looked after.  Be called a liar, or hear that I have no heart – or if I’m so lucky to have a heart, it’s full of black holes. I’m not interested to hear I’m stupid, and “something needs to be wrong with me”, and go to many different treatments to be “fixed” 😳.

I’m not interested to be “brainwashed” one more time. I’m not interested to feel like I’m drawing in a ice cold dark ocean when I’m standing on land in the sunshine.

A relationship for me was to many demands, expectations, pressures, hopes, disappointments, responsibilities, commitments and I did more and less most of this “all the time” wrong too, just in case. I was happy in the wrong way, I was sad in the wrong way, I “did” the relationship- commitment wrong. But when all comes to all,- nothing of this, my experiences is love or unconditional love. It’s “power” and control over an other person. I know that.

But this is my private and personal experience from a boyfriend and to be in a relationship. And in my head I know this kind of treatment in a relationship (or actually general for all treatment of people) is not love, it’s not about the respect for another person.

I know many has other and more positive experiences to be in a relationship then I have. I can’t just find, feel or remember very much positive with a relationship. But,- the good thing is,- I still have an imagination of a good, loving and healthy relationship- I can “work for” when or if I’m going to be ready for a boyfriend and a relationship again.

But to be honest,- it’s not worth it for me, not when I think, feel and do remember how it was to be in a relationship, how it was to be together with a boyfriend. It’s not worth it,- to feel so incredibly miserable closely all the time. At least not at the moment, maybe never, to go through this again.

I probably sounds bitter, but I’m not. I just know that this is my life and I don’t want to have something like that in my life ever again. I’m lucky- lucky that was dropped off in Spain, if not I don’t think I have been here today.

I really need to resett my self, and I don’t know how long time that will take. But what I do know is that a new man in my life will not “fix” this at the moment, fix my mind and soul. My heart, I think my heart is actually fine, because I was never heartbroken to be dropped off in Spain, just in a very big shock.

This Easter I did started to paint the pain, my not to good experiences when it comes to a relationship. I’m going to show you when it’s finish, but it will take a bit time before it’s finished. It’s a bit painful process to paint at the same time an incredible relief feeling too.

Of course I do think about my “why” I wanted to date and hopefully get into a relationship again, but I don’t know at the moment if my “why” is worth it. And I do know that it’s not worth to be in a relationship if it’s like my experiences are.

So that’s why I don’t date, and are not “looking” for a boyfriend and relationship, because I’m worried and scared, and it was not worth it.

Time will show what’s happens, and if I’m changing my mind when it comes to boyfriend and relationship, and if I manage to resett my heart, soul and mind 🌹. But at the moment I’m here I’m and that’s fine, I’m fine 🌹.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

Fixing a broken heart- finish painted by me in 2016.

My experiences from a relationship are not the best, I know that. And it’s actually not my heart that’s broken, I think my heart is very good 🧡. But my experiences that are in my mind and soul still need time to be resett before I will be able to think and believe that a relationship can be different from my experiences 🌹.

#experiences #differences #imagenation #love #unconditionallove #relationship #treatment #dating resettmyself #challenges #changes

I’m not currently dating,- and it’s my choice 🌹

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I’m not currently dating, and it’s a time since I actually did date, and also was “looking” for a date. And I’m very fine with that. I actually don’t miss dating or being in a relationship. Because in my mind I do understand the “dating- concept” as you meet up with someone because you want, and hopefully will get a serious relationship together with this person. Both are interested in each other,- that’s why it is a date. It’s not sure this “understaning” is correct. It’s just the way I understand the “dating- concept”.

But I need to admit that for a period I actually thought that I miss dating, miss being in a relationship, and missed a boyfriend in my life. But the truth is I did miss an imagination, and not my reality when it comes to relationships. But my imagination over how a relationship can or should be.

I deleted the dating app Tinder in October/ November 2019, and haven’t regret that so fare. But I was “tired” of the “dating” before I deleted the app. It didn’t gave me very much, to be honest. Like relationships haven’t given me to much either. To be fair,- it’s my last “long term- serious” relationship that’s “freshest” in my mind, and also where many of my not to good experiences when it comes to relationships are “build on”. Natural enough, but also maybe unfortunately?

And it’s actually more the 7 years since that relationship ended- something I’m very grateful for 🙏, but still it has “marked” my mind and soul in a bit negative direction and with a bit negative thoughts and experiences when it comes to dating and relationship.

I have met some nice dates during the lasts years, but also some strange dates. But that’s not the reason why I have made a choice and decision to not date for a while.

Dating didn’t gave me very much, or to use the dating app and “try” to find a date, a date that’s also maybe would became to a serious relationship after a while.

Maybe I’m not a “nettdating- person”? Maybe I need to met a man in “the real life” and not during a “switch left or right” app? I know it’s different dating- app’s, not just like the way Tinder is in “function”. But still I don’t think nettdating is something for me.

It’s not just that I’m not a “nettdating- person” that made me choose to not date for a while, but also because I know I need to resett my self when it comes to dating and relationship. Really resett my self. Maybe I manage to do it, maybe not. I don’t know, I don’t even know if I’m going out there in the “dating and relationship” world again either. And it’s fine. I’m fine with that.

I have thought a bit over why I wanted to date at that time I was a bit “busy” with that. And for me it was about attention, be attracted and became attracted of, intimacy and sex, hopefully feel “close” to an other man both mentally as well as psychic, meet someone to share different things and stuffs in life together with, someone to have different experiences together with as well as do things and stuffs together with, feel “connected” together with, someone “special” and be “special” for, feel butterflies in my stomach and some extra heartbeats too, just because of that man and the feelings I had for him, to feel important for someone, to miss someone as well as be missed, and probably a bit more I don’t remember anyone and at the moment 😊.

But the reality, my reality is that I haven’t actually very much real experiences from this, this thoughts about how I think a relationship is “in function”. My own experiences when it comes to, special relationships, are not like my “dreams and imaginations”, if I can call it that. Because my dreams and imagination about a relationship is “my why” I wanted to date and be in a relationship, but the truth is, my truth and my experiences and my reality is not very similar with my imagination.

My experiences from a relationship are actually something I don’t want to go through again. And we date because we want to meet someone that’s makes us feel “comfortable”, feel happy and happiness, joy and love and so on. We in general dates because of “my why” I wanted to date.

So I made a decision for more then over 1,5 years ago that I don’t want to date. I don’t want to date before all of me, my heart, my mind, my soul are ready for dating and ready for the commitments and the responsibility a relationship has. I need to really resett my mind, my heart and my soul first. And I have no idea how long time my “resett- process” will take. Maybe “forever”? I don’t know, and that’s fine 😊.

And it’s actually a good feeling to say “Thank you, but No Thank you, I’m not dating at the moment”, when someone asks me out for a ice tea or a coffee, a glass of wine or a lunch. And in general I don’t even get the question “why not”, and to be honest, it’s actually no one’s “business” either why I don’t date. It’s my choice, and I’m very fine and comfortable with my choice too 😊. And I’m very relaxed with my choice as well, when it comes to this “currently not dating” 😊. And I’m actually not even sure it’s worth it, – the dating and relationship,- to expose myself to maybe get the same experiences again when it comes to relationships.

Like I have mention before,- when or if I’m want to date again and want a serious relationship I can but out an “vaccination available” in my blog 😅. We see what’s happen there in the future 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

My imagination about how a relationship should be and my reality about how a relationship is,- is two very different things 🥀.

My imagination about how a relationship should be and my reality about how a relationship is,- is two very different things 🥀. So that’s why I have chosen to not date for awhile,- I need to resett my self, my mind, my soul, my heart before I maybe start dating again 😊. And I’m very relaxed with my decision about not dating 😊.

#dating #relationship #relaxed #decision #mychoice #resettmyself #experiences #differences #imagenation #thougths #feelings #choices

Happy Valentine’s day 💘

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

It’s already Valentine’s day again, and I feel the last one, last year was closely just around the corner 😊. It’s strange how fast the time goes at the moment. It’s like the days, weeks and months just flys away at the same time as there’s not to much that’s happen….except from corona and Covid19, and all the different restrictions we need to follow because of this. Anc maybe a bit more 😊.

I’m actually not use to “celebrate” Valentine’s day. It took a long time before this day was a day when we gave each other some romantic attention 😊. First time they ( a Norwegian newspaper) tried to give Valentine’s day a kind of attention was in 1887, without to much luck. Then they (this time the mail company) tried to give this day a kind of attention again in 1998 as well as in 1999, also this time without to much luck 💘.

In 2004 70% of the people in Norway still didn’t knew what Valentine’s day was. But in 2010 this day started to be a bit important day for couples. And in 2015 actually 73 % of the people knew what Valentine’s day was 💘.

I’m not sure when I started to give Valentine’s day my attention, but probably one time inbetween 2004 and 2010. In general I haven’t “celebrate” Valentine’s day very much, because in general I have been single this day. But I gave my kids a tiny bit attention when Valentine’s day started to be more popular in Norway. My kids got a tiny card, hearts and chocolate from me. They are anyway my biggest love in my life,- so why not give them a tiny little Valentine’s day attention? 💘

I have got some attention myself now and then like a red rose, a card or a Valentine’s day regards. I have also been invited out for Valentine’s day and when the Valentine’s day arrived my date actually did cancel the invitation and the date 😳.

But last year, last Valentine’s day was actually really, really nice. I was invited out for a cozy and nice dinner, red wine and a red rose and even a bit of attention too 🥰. It was a really nice experience and nice to experience Valentine’s day like that. I think it’s the best Valentine’s day I have experienced so fare in my life,- maybe except from the Valentine’s day when I gave my kids a tiny bit extra attention 🥰. But that’s still different, last year was actually a bit about me. And I did like that, and I hope I maybe will be someone’s special “Valentine” again one day 💘. That would be nice 😊.

This year,- well,- I gave my daughter a tiny bit Valentine’s day attention with giving her a small painting with a painted heart 🎨🧡. It’s actually a bit cool painting I did painted in 2018. So it’s some years ago, but it’s still a cool painting 😌.

The painting I gave to my daughter this Valentine’s day 🥰.

I gave this to her because I think she need a tiny bit more “touch” of the believe in love then her brothers at the moment. But when that’s said, – my daughter is doing incredible well after her bad experiences in December 2020 😊.

I have got two Valentine’s day messenge today,- that was a nice “touch” over the day. The city borders are still closed, but I don’t know if I have been invited on a Valentine’s date today if they had been open.

Me and my daughter has had a nice day today with some work, and some “garden” things. It has been a touch of summer here in South of Spain today, so we have been fixing a bit with the plants and flowers and the patios outside 🌞. No date, no special romantic attention,- but still a very nice, cozy and relaxing day 😊.

I’m not sure why or when Valentine’s day started, but I know about 3 different stories from why, where and when the Valentine’s day started. One story is from the end of 1500. It is a story that the birds began to mate on this day.  Therefore, it has become a romantic marketing on love.  Another story is about a martyr named Valentine who signed his last love letter to his girlfriend with “your Valentine” before he died.  The third story is from the Roman celebration of the goddess Juno representing women and marriage.  And February 14 was the start of a week-long Roman fertility party.

I choose to believe there’s something from every story that has created the inspiration for the “celebration” of Valentine’s day we have today 🥰.

Valentine’s day is about love and romance that’s for sure. It can be the love for your children or a romantic date or attention to and from someone you like a bit extra, have a good eye too 😊.

I hope you are happy with your Valentine’s day with or without any specific romantic attention from anyone 💘. We can create nice days for us self too, even we are single and don’t have anyone special to date or get some romantic attention from 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

This painting I gave to my daughter today as an Valentine’s day gift is in size 20*20 cm. A sweet, small painting- perfect to my daughter 🥰.

I don’t have any special “my Valentine” this year,- so I gave my daughter a bit attention instead 🥰. A painting with a sweet heart 💘. I hope you all have had a nice Valentine’s day with or without any specific romantic attention or a sweet date 💘. It’s possible to have a nice Valentine’s day even when you are single 😊.

#valentine #valentineday #date #traditions #celebrations #romance #sweetfeelings #mammi #raisingup #growingup #mydaugther #gift #attention #singel #lifeis #positivefocus 💘

I don’t know what to say 😔💔

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I’ve had a restless feeling inside me the last few days.  A feeling that I have not been able to explain, but which has made me very uneasy. And my body has been in a kind of physical pain too, without any specific explanations. I have had a strange feeling about that something is wrong, but I don’t know what is wrong.

But a couple of days ago I probably got the answer. I got my daughter home in a “circumstance” I think and believe no parents, no mammi want to see their child in. I’m not going to write to much about “the situation” around all this, or the “circumstances” , just try to keep my text as general as possible. Because it is about my daughter. And this text is about being a mammi.

She was in pain, physical pain that her, now ex-boyfriend, had inflicted on her. Do I need to explain this more and better? I hope not.

We needed to go to the emergency. Her body has different damages. They will all heal. Little by little. I know her mind will heal too. But I also know we have some heavy emotional weeks, or maybe even months, in front of us now.

She was so in love with this man. I had never seen her in love like that before. But he didn’t deserve anything of this love from her – nothing, nada!! I had a “bell” plinging behind my ear before she moved together with him, and I can explain why I did had this bell plinging behind my ear,- but still, because it is my daughter, I choose to just leave it without any explanations today. And I did told her before she moved out from my (now again our) home that if he only just one time put a hand on her she needed to come straight back home,- and he did and she did. She did come straight back home. But in general I don’t think a mammi or a daddy actually tells their children this, when their children move together with their boyfriend (or girlfriend) ,- “if he so much as put one hand on you, you’re coming straight home”. It was a reason why I felt it was necessary to tell her this. And to clarify this several times.

Some will maybe wonder why I let my daughter move together with him if I had some kind of issues. But I have also my own experiences when it comes to very bad relationships, and I know I can sometimes see ghosts that are not there. And in general I choose to believe that it’s just a ghost, something that in this case was, unfortunately, not correct 😔. An other thing,- my daughter is a young adult woman, she is able to take her own choices, and it’s not always you know it’s the wrong choice before you stand there with both of your feet 👣.

I have manage to keep my self together during the days. Tried my best to be there for my daughter. But I just feel so incredibly empty and so sad and so helpless and so so tired. I don’t cry before I’m in my bed,- and then it feels like the Niagara Falls just overflowed my eyes 😭 and I feel my heart goes to pieces 💔. I had and have so much pain inside me for what my daughter has been through, I have problem with describe it. I wish so hard that I could remove her pain. I wish so hard that I could remove this experience from her life. But I can’t. And I don’t know what I can do for her. I want to do it all.

I know there’s always more then two pages in a story, and I know my daughter can be a stubborn and particular young lady. Something that in general is a very good thing. It’s me that has raised up her to be like this, and Im so grateful she is a stubborn and particular young lady. But of course she also have the mistakes and lack as we all people have. At the same time I also know she has the biggest heart for both people and animals.

But with or without human mistakes…..to hurt someone so much that we need to go to the emergency? 🤕 She doesn’t deserve to be in this pain, she doesn’t deserve to be handle and treated like this. She didn’t deserve this experience in her life. And no matter how many pages I turn upside down, forward and backwards I still can’t find any good explanations or excuses for hurt someone in this way my daughter has been hurt.

I’m not angry….yet... But my oldest son, her big brother, is angry, my oldest son’s friend is angry, my good male friend is angry,- all three are men and they are angry. Angry because someone treated my daughter this way. Angry because someone treated the little sister like this. Angry because someone treated a young woman like this. My daughter is not angry …. yet….but her friends are angry. I know my daughter will be angry after a while, and I know I will be angry too. But at the moment I think we both are in a kind of shock.

I know a bit about “the emotional road” she and we have in front of us now, but I also know we have people around us that in some or another way will be there, and also walk some steps together with my daughter during this period she have in front of her. Something I’m so incredibly grateful for 🧡. And I will be here all the time as long as she needs me. Every tiny little step on the road ❤.

I feel sorry for this person, this man, because of what he did to my daughter. I feel sorry for him because I think, I don’t know, it’s just my thoughts, but a person who does something like this, needs to have some mental problem, mental challenges and mental issues he is struggling with. In my mind there is something from the past, some kind of issues that this person struggles with and put out in a act like this. In my mind this person needs help to handle his own challenges and issues. The solution is not to hit an other person.

I can’t find any other reasons or explanations for why else do something like this to another person.

I feel sorry for my daughter and that she got this experience in life. I feel sorry for my daughter because she is in both physical pain, and I know it’s only a matter of time before the mental and emotional pain comes.  And the grief of love over what she thought was her great love, the love of her heart and life. What she believed, thought and felt was the love of her life. And I know there will be days when she will defend him, explain him, miss the good times, think that it might be possible to fix this, fix him.  But he has received all her love and he could not take care of it, appreciate it, handle it. And to treat a person like this is not love. Like my daughter has been treated is not love.

I know we have some days in front of us now with different practical things that needs do be done in situation like this. And we have people to help us. Help us during the paperwork and the moving back to mammi- process. Help to pick up her things and stuffs and move them back home.

I have been “saying” (writing) a lot today in my text, at the same time I still feel I don’t know what to say.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡.

See you soon 😊

I don’t know what to say. I have a lots of words at the same time as I feel there’s no words to find in the situation and circumstances that has happen during the last few days.

#mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #Norwegian #livinginspain #lifeis #mydaugther #beingamammi #unconditionallove #feelings #choices #challenges #changes #relationship #pain #tears #heartbroken #experiences #positivefocus 🍀❤

I broke it…. 🧚‍♂️🎊

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I have been “dating” a bit with a younger man during this summer. I actually started a bit to “date” him already at the 14. February this year, but then, some weeks later, we all in Spain suddenly was in a quarantine and with curfew for closely 3 months. Then it was a bit difficult to meet up, actually not allowed to meet up with anyone else then the people you lived together with in your home, and only be able to meet up in your home as well 😊.

He is a nice young men, around 9 years younger then me, this date. I enjoyed his company and we had some good and fun moments together. And I have had a nice summer together with him,- but….and there’s a couple of “but’s”. And when there’s a couple of “but’s” I know this is and was not correct for me to continue dating him.

He is younger then me, and a young soul as well, and for me that was a bit challenged sometimes, because I could really recognize the age difference, and also our different life experiences as well. He was actually also smaller then me physical, something I had a tiny challenge with, to be honest. I know that this is actually nothing to have a “challenge” for if you actually are in love. Then you don’t care about things like that. But I was not in love, not even close.

We are in two very different places in our life. He was ready for serious commitment and relationship, and I’m not even close for that now at days. For me it was fine, very fine to just flirting, date, be friends with benefit. But nothing more serious then that.

To be honest, – I’m just more and less ready to get an seriously commitment just with my self at the moment. This new line I’m standing on in my life. I need to find out how to do this, and that on my own, and in my own way. To start living on my own, in a way “find myself”, if that’s a way to explain it. I’m a mammi in a new way now, I’m on my way to a new epoch in my life,- and I need to find out of this on my own. In a way find my direction in my life. Without any specific commitments to an other man.

I also recognize that he actually started to fall in love with me, and I was not there at all. I like him, he is a nice, young man. I liked to spend some time with him, but fare away from all my time. And I didn’t have any other “love- feelings” in my heart for him then friendship. I care for him like a good friend.

I’m not either the biggest fan of alcohol “use” and drinking alcohol closely every day, and then become more and like “saloon-drunk” several times during a week. I’m not there, and I will probably never going to “be there” either. He was there. And I know I can’t spend my time and daily life together with a “saloon- drunken” person. It’s okay now and then, but not several times during a week.

Sometimes I felt I did spend my time together with someone that was younger then my sons. I felt sometimes I in a strange way became his mam. Not a very good feeling. And I’m a bit finish with “taking care of”, and “raising up” now. Also young men, dates and flirts. I can, of course, take care of other people, but not “like raising up taking care of”, if you understand what I mean?

I know that when I’m ready for a serious commitment and relationship I need to be in love. I need to have an adult man, more around my age, and with a bit older soul too, and some different experiences in life as well. An adult man with a good sense of humor, a man that makes me laugh and someone I want to spend time together with, and then a more then just maybe one day during a week.

I know I need to have someone that takes a bit care about him self, like to dress a bit well now and then as well as think healthy, do healthy, eat healthy, and not let me have that responsibility for this things. I need to want to wake up with the person too, because he would probably be one of the first things I’m going looking at in the morning. And I know I need to be together with someone that can catch me if I’m “falling”. With that means- be there during difficult times too.

I don’t want to have the feeling of a need to change the man. If I feel that’s necessary for me to change him, he is probably not the correct one for me. And I don’t want to meet or be together with someone that’s want to change me either. I’m probably getting a bit more aware of what I both demand of myself in a relationship, expect from a man in a relationship, and not least what is good for me in a relationship, and makes me a better person in the relationship.  Briefly summarized. So I have at least learned that during this summer, and the dating I have been doing this summer.

It’s mostly never easy to end a relation even when it’s “just” a date or a friend with benefit. It’s never a good feeling to hurt someone, or the feeling that you know your act is going to hurt someone. But sometimes is necessary to end it, for both him and me.

It was not easy to end this date or friend with benefit relation, because I also care about him, and I did enjoy his company, but more like friend then a boyfriend, even more like a friend then friend with benefit. And of course, I didn’t wanted to hurt him either.

I did think a lot about how to do this, take up this “the end” conversation, end the dating and “intim” part of the friendship. My plan was actually to have a face to face conversation about this together with him, but for some reason he couldn’t meet me. He actually cancelled our meeting two times. Probably he in his own way knew what was “coming up”. So I tried to call him, but it ended up with sending him a text instead. Not a very good way to end a relation, but still necessary to do. I couldn’t postpone ending the relation either, but I’m not proud of doing it by texting, I need to admit that.

I didn’t told him what I have told you. That I felt I needed to “raise” him, learn to dress in a proper way, ask him to go to the hairdresser, eat healthy, drink less, or anything like that. It’s not necessary to hurt someone more then necessary, or “put them down”. So I told him that I was not ready for a serious commitment, and I needed to be alone now, find myself after being a mammi for many years. And I told him I needed time for just myself, my things and plans. Something that is correct too.

We haven’t had any contact after this, after the end of this “intim relation”. He was not to happy with the “ending of relation”, but it is the best thing to do for both of us.

And I need to admit that I feel very relieved to be on my own now. No expectations to and from some else, just me. Sounds probably a bit selfish, but I need to think about what’s best for myself, at the same time as I know this is also the best for him. It is never good to be in a relation with anyone where the feelings are different, the expectations for the relation are different. I hope he will meet someone at his age, someone that can give him what I can’t, and someone that will make him very happy. But him and me was not the “two pieces” that belong to each other.

It’s in general never good to end, or break up a relationship, even when it is just a flirt, friends with benefits, date or something more. It’s in general never good to hurt someone you care about, but sometimes it is necessary to do it, for both parts, even it doesn’t feel like that in the beginning. Special not for the one who are getting hurt, or have stronger feelings then the other one, or are more in love than the other one.

It’s not easy to find this “two pieces that belong together” either, but I’m not stressing with that anymore. Maybe I met my other “piece” one day, maybe not. But not now anyway.

I feel free now, but it is a bit scary to stand on this start line in my new epoch in my life, and it’s even more scary to stand here so totally alone,- even when I know that this is what I actually need to do at the moment. At the same time as it all in a strange way also feels so good. To be alone. This is the correct thing for me to do now. Be a bit alone and find out how to do this new epoch in my life. Find who am I in this new epoch in my life and the new lifesituation in my life. In a way find my own dynamic in my life 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much using your time to dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊.

It’s in general never good to hurt someone, but sometimes it still necessary to break a relation that’s not feels correct, are not good for you, or are not correct for you, or in this case,- for me🥀 We was not “two pieces” that “belonged” to each other 🍂. I need to just belong to myself for a tiny little while now 😊.

#relation #relationship #inlove #feelings #breakingup #newstart #beonmyown #lifeis #changes #gettingolder #challenges #beonmyown #positivefocus 🍀🧡