Maybe there’s something in it …? 🥀

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

As some of you know I’m going to move, something that came a bit unexpected and a bit faster then I had in mind.

I had something else in my mind and in a bit different “time schedule” too. In my mind I thought maybe I was going to move from this home in October or maybe during the Spring 2022. But obviously that was not the plan 😊.

And I have been thinking a bit about this “plan”,- my plan that’s not going the way and direction I had in mind,- that’s for sure 😅. But obviously there is a kind of plan in front of me, but I have just no any idea what it is, or where, or how to find it 😊.

One of my neighbours told me exactly this one day too,- that it was probably an other plan for me then I had in mind. And maybe there’s something in it? 🤔 But what? And where? And how? Because I don’t know at the moment, or maybe I do? 🍇

One thing is the pandemi- situation in the society and the world. That one has changed many people’s plans and lives, and not to the best either 😔. And of course also many of my plans are affected by the corona- situation. Maybe also this a bit sudden moving- situation? It’s just that I’m actually moving because of a increase of the rent, and not the opposite, that maybe should be a bit more natural under an pandemi?

I have many times said “when one door is closing, a new one is open up”. And I believe that it true too. It’s just a bit “scary” to open up and go into the “unknown”, the new door- opening and into something new and unknown. Special when I actually don’t know what will “meet” me behind this new door- opening in my life.

Well,- in one way I know where I’m going to live, and how the new home is 🏡. I have visit Natasja in their holiday home I’m going to rent many times 😊. And I’m going to live so close to the beach, something I really looking forward too 🏖. I actually thought I was not going to vist the beach very much this summer, but the beach is going to be my neighbour instead 🏖. So there will be more beach- visits then I had in mind too 😊. And I really like to spend time at the beach 🏖.

So literally I know what’s behind the new door I’m going to open up, because I know how the new home is looking like. But mentally I have not any ideas what I can expect,- except from that I’m incredibly grateful for this new home opportunity 🧡, and things in my life are changing, that’s for sure 😊.

It’s also the first time in my adult life I’m going to move on my own, alone 😳. I moved from my parents home when I was 19 years old, but then I became a mammi just some few months after my 21. birthday, and after that I have not moved to much and to many times, and always together with my children too.

It feels a bit strange to move without my children. I knew this day would come, but I thought I had a bit more time to “feel and think” about “this” new living on my own, and moving on my own situation too 😊. Now I feel I was a bit “thrown out” in something I’m not quite ready for 😅.

But at the same time I need to admit I feel a bit comfortable and “safe” with my new living- situation because I’m going to rent from someone I know very well. And in a way, like I mention, I “know” the home I’m moving into 🏡. But still it feels a bit strange too,- like “someone” else just changed my plans without “consulting” me first if it was okay for this new changes 😅. Sounds maybe strange, but that’s the way I feel at the moment 😊. I don’t know if you understand what I mean?

At the moment I feel, I actually know I don’t have any other choices then to open the new unknown door in my life. And the first step into this “unknown” is to move and start to live in a new home for a while 🏡. But not before in the middle of June, its about more or less a month to I’m going to move.

And,- yes,- I do believe there’s probably a “reason” or “plan” for why this happen in my life now, I just don’t know what it is 😊. I believe there’s maybe something in “it”, an other “plan” that I have and had in my mind, and that’s a new and unknown door is open up in my life. But what? Well,- it’s just to live, do the best of it and see “what’s happen” 🧡.

Do you feel like this sometimes? 🥀 Like “someone” changing your plans in your life without “consulting” you first? And that it feels a bit scary to open up the new door in your life because you don’t know what’s behind it? What can or will happen when you open the new door ? 🌸

I’m actually looking forward to this new unknown door I have in front of me, at the same time I hope it’s “allowed” to “feel” a bit around this soon new living- situation in my life 😊. The unexpected, the new door, the changes in my plans without “consulting” me first 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡 Take good care 🌹.

See you soon 😊

A new door is “slowly” open up in my life,- and I don’t know what I can or will meet behind it 😊 That is both a bit scary and exciting at the same time 😊

My neighbour told my that maybe it was “the plan” that I was going to move soon and a bit unexpected, even it was not my plan 🏡. I know when one door is closing in life, a new one is open up. But it is both a bit scary and exciting at the same time to open up the door to the unknown 😊.

#thelife #thougths #lifeis #livinginspain #Norwegian #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky #positivefocus #anewdoorinlife #scary #exating #changes #challenges #movingout #dailylife #plans #theunexpexted #consulting

A human angel with pink wings 😇🧡🏡

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

It’s actually one week since I dropped by my blog, and it has been a bit of a week too 😊. A week with some fantastic news in a bit stressful situation.

I need to move from this house, a place that has been my children and my home during closely 7 years now 🏡. But , unfortunately, the owner increase the rent and I haven’t economy for renting and living here anymore then 😔. It felt a bit sad, and to be honest, I was also a bit surprised over the rent increase. My neighbours too was a bit surprised that the owner increased the rent as much as they did during an already difficult situation as an pandemi situation can be.

But there’s an expression in Norway “More wants more”. Well,- at least my neighbours think so, and I need to admit, the expression has dropped into my min too…. , but okay. It is what it is 😊.

I have been thinking a lot about how to find a solution to this suddenly moving situation 🏡. I was not prepared for this. In my mind I thought I could live here for maybe one more year, and of course, if I could pay the new rent I also could be living here one more year too, but, unfortunately, I don’t have the economic for that.

I know my best friend, Natasja and her husband, has an holiday apartment close to the area I’m living in, that they are renting out to holiday guests. But for some reasons it took me some days before I actually did remember that 😅. I think I had to many thoughts at the same time in my mind. But for some reason it suddenly dropped into my mind,- “Natasja and her husband, I can ask them if they still have their holiday apartment, and it it’s available for me to rent it for a while“.

I’m a bit surprised over my self and it actually took me many days before I remember their holiday apartment. But I was probably to focus to see the stress, and try to find solutions, that I actually didn’t use my focus in the correct direction.

Anyway,- they still have their holiday apartment 🏡. It has been empty for a year now, unfortunately and natural enough, because of the pandemi. So I can rent their holiday home for 6 months as a start, and maybe even for one year 🥰.

I feel so incredibly grateful for this opportunity, and so incredibly lucky too 🧡.

I feel a bit like Natasja is my human angel with pink wings 😇. And of course, pink wings, because she really loves the colour pink 💝. And it is not the first time she is “saving” me, or more correctly helping me in a difficult situation. So there’s no doubt in my mind that she is my human angel with her pink wings 😇.

I’m just not sure what I can do or give back to her to show her how much I presage her as my best friend and also her help 💝. I have something in my mind, but I think I ask her first before what she prefer, before I share it with you 😊. But yes, the colour pink is a part of it 😊,- and maybe even some wine too 🥂.

I’m very grateful for all my close friends,- both here in Spain and Norway too ❤. But some friends are a bit different, and a bit more special then others, at the same time as I can say I really care a lot about all my good friends ❤. But, yes, Natasja is, for me, a human angel with pink wings 😇. I hope you have a friend like that in your life too 🧡.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon,- and a bit sooner then in a week 😊

I feel I have my own human angel with pink wings in my life 😇. Something I’m incredibly grateful for 💝. And yes, the wings is pink because this human angel’s favourite colour is pink 😊.

#angel #angelwings #friends #friendship #helpingout #changes #challenges #movingout #dailylife #newhome #mybestfriend #humanangel #pink #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky

A cup of tea and good conversations do wonders for the soul 🍵🧡

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

A good cup of tea and some good conversations do wonders for the soul 🍵. And I had a bit of that this weekend- some cups of tea and some good conversations that was incredibly good for my soul 😊. I don’t know if I can call what my friend and I for “afternoon tea” like the Englishmen have, but in my way it was 😊. It was in the afternoon, it was tea and it was some homemade cakes too, and it was good for the soul 😊.

I had have a bit on my mind lately, and still have, but with some good conversations, some tasty tea together with a good friend and her help to “sorted” out a bit, and make some small, short plans, for day by day, and week by week, not month by month at the moment. It’s good to start in the “small” when things sometimes feels a bit to big and overwhelming,- and it’s even better to get a bit help just during some good conversations 😊.

I’m a bit surprised over this “effect” a “tea “time- out”” can have, both when I’m enjoying a cup of tea on my own, but even more when I’m enjoying it together with someone 🍵.

A cup of tea together with a good friend this weekend 🍵

I know tea has an relaxing effect, and it’s actually healthy too because 99% of a cup of tea is water. Maybe my cup of tea is with 98% of water and the 2% of honey 🌼 ? I really like to squeeze a bit of honey in my tea, but honey is healthy too 😊.

The “perfect” cup of tea I think is a bit various from person to person, but my ” perfect” cup of tea is in general not to hot and not cold, more around 40 degrees I think ( Celsius) 🍵. And my favourite it ment tea with honey, but I do drink other tastes too …. with honey 😊.

I know I’m standing in front of some changes (and challenges too) in my life,- and like ny friend told me- changes is hard in the beginning, messy in the middle, but so gorgeous in the end. I choose to believe her, and in my mind I know that’s so true too. But to be honest,- I actually just want to “jump over” the hard and the messy and straight to the gorgeous 😅.

I know it’s not quite the way it’s “working”, so I, at the moment, do what I did in the beginning of April/ the Easter,- just relaxing a bit, sleep, work- of course, but is a bit nice to myself and don’t press my self to much. But just for a couple of days, before I really need to start working a bit hard for meeting the changes (and challenges) I have in front of me 🥀.

I don’t know “what or where” two or three months in front of me will bring me at the moment. In general we do think we know what we in a way can “expect” us from the days and daily lifes both two and three months in front of us. I know, because I have thought like that my self, even when the life actually have “teach” my something else now and then.

I also know I, one more time, I need to “put” some of my plans and wishes “on hold” for reaching, and special manage to handle the different changes I have in front of me at the moment. But okay,- that’s life 🥀.

I feel incredibly lucky and grateful that have some great friends that can help me “sort out” things in my mind and soul when things can feel a bit difficult, hard, messy and overwhelming 🧡. It’s good to not feel alone, even I know I’m in a way on my own too. I need to “walk the steps” to the changes on my own 😊.

I hope you are so lucky as I am with my great friends 🧡. That you can enjoy a cup of tea and have some nice conversation, nice conversations that both feels like medicine for the soul as well as helping you a bit with to sort things out now and then when you need it 🥀.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

Together with the tea we also had some homemade Norwegian waffles, jam and snacks 😊

Sometimes a cup of tea together with a good friend is like medicine for the soul 🍵. Just a good conversation can help to sort things out a bit, and be helpful to just take one or two steps at the time, instead of three months steps in front of you 😊.

#friends #friendship #lifeis #onmymind #goodconversations #feelinggrateful #enjoying #timeout #feelinglucky #acupoftea #soul #helpful #afternoontea #changes #challenges #positivefocus

Thank you, April 🌹Welcome May 🧡

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

April is soon over and it’s time for me to say Thank you, April for the time “together” and Goodbye 🥀.

It’s not very much that’s happen, at the same it’s a bit “here and there” 😊. The days as an customer service agent on the phone are very busy, and have been busy all month 🎧. The phone is more and less calling “non stop”. So I’m very happy I used the Easter days to relax and sleep as much as I did 😊.

I have baked to my children and knit and painted too 🍪 🎨🧶.

My cold showers become warm again and that was very nice 🚿, and I did dropped by the hairdresser too for a short visit to “refresh” my hair a bit ✂️.

I have been dropping by menopause and the midlife, and that’s not over that’s for sure. So I’m probably going to “drop by” that subject now and then a bit more.

I did change the name at my blog, and at the moment I’m also trying out a “email- concept” to my blog and see how that goes and will working out😊.

My oldest son was born in April, and I could “celebrate” 27 year as a mammi 🧡.

I have also had a short “dropping in” to the dating “subject”. I thought I had more “distance” to my experiences from the past then I obviously have. So dating, and relationship are still put “on hold” for a while. I need to resett my self a bit more when it comes to that. That’s the way it is. And well,- I don’t think the online chatting is “helping” either,- but what to do? I need to earn some money.

April has been in it’s own way nice and gentle 💛, and busy too, but now in the end a couple of not to “good news” showed up, “just in case”. But I will probably manage to handle them too, as well as find solutions that’s best for me. I just need to keep calm, use my the wise and do my best, look for and try to find solutions 😊.

The first “not to good news” is that there has been some unexpected withdrawals to my bank account. Not very much, 9 euro here and 10 euro there. Lucky for me the bank found out what is was and did transfer the money back to my bank account. It was actually some unknown phonenumber I have answer, no one in the other end, but to pick up the phone cost me 9 and 10 euro. So I’m not picking up my phone anymore when a number I don’t know is calling me ☎️. I can’t support scammers, that’s for sure.

But scammers did “dropped up” in my computer too 😳. The internet company I’m using called me and asked me about some streaming I did once a week around midnight 😳. I’m not streaming, and had now idea what they talked about. But that one costed me 20 euro pr week, and they couldn’t pay that money back 😔. But they could at least stop the streaming. Obviously someone has hacked into my internet in some or another way. 20 euro pr week doesn’t sound to much for some, but for me it is a bit of money. Special when it has last for 8 weeks too, and I didn’t know. But hopefully this is over as well.

And them the house- owner asked me if I wanted to continue renting the house, and also told my that they needed to change the rent, but in a good way for both them and me. I actually said yes to rent for a bit longer time, because I need to save up some money to deposit, one month houeserent, fee to an rent agent company and a movingcar for moving to a new place…. before I can move 😐. And I actually believed the house owner when they told me “in a good way for both them and me”. We are, after all, living in a pandemic time, with all the various changes and challenges it entails for most people. So I need to admit I haven’t see a rent rise for 150 euro per month coming 😳. Phu,- that one was really like a cold shower 🚿.

But okay,- I will manage to find a solution for this too,- you know when one door is closing a new one is opening up 🔑. Unfortunately I can’t effort moving at the moment either, because it cost both one month deposit, one month rent and in general also one month to the renting agency too. So it’s just to “fold up my arms” , work and work and save as much as I can during the next months.

And yes,- me and my colleague got an other cold shower too, yesterday. It’s not sure the company we are working for will manage to find an other job for us from August. So we both have felt on a tiny little stone in our stomachs today. So at the moment I know I have the customer service agent job on the phone for 3 more months, after that? I have no idea what will happen.

But I have at least my freelance work, so my focus for the next months is actually work and work and work a bit more to manage this “different unexpected not to good news”, and save, save, save as much as I can. And get as many and much online work projects as possible.

But I will still Thanks April for the nice and gentle moments and time this month has given me 🧡. Hopefully I can say Thank you for the unexpected “not to good news” too one day, but not today. Today I need to sort out a bit thoughts and feelings, things and also change my plans a bit too. But it will be more hours for work and not to many hours for other things for a while, that’s for sure 😊. But,- That’s life, isn’t it? It is what it is, and I just need to try to do my best of it, as well as the “not to good news” too. Maybe there are some nice surprises behind them? 🥀 I really hope so 🙏.

And Welcome May, the month that slowly brings the summer into our days 🌞. I don’t know very much about what I can expect, but I know it will be sunny days, and days with a bit more work then I had in my mind, and hopefully I will find some kind of “solutions” to both of the “not to good news” I got now in the end of April 🥀. And I know my daughter is coming some days to visit me and be on “holiday” in my home for some days, as well as I know my oldest son will drop by too ❤. So there’s something really good to look forward to in May as well 🥰.

Thank you April for nice and gentle days 🥀, and Welcome May 💛- I really hope you are coming with a lots of sunshine, warm and relaxing days in more then just the physical way,- but also mentally as well as with some “sunny” solutions too 🌞.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

Thank you, April, and welcome May- with your warmer days 🌞

Thank you April for nice and gentle days 🥀, and Welcome May 💛- I really hope you are coming with a lots of sunshine, warm and relaxing days in more then just the physical way,- but also mentally as well as with some “sunny” solutions too 🌞.

#april #may #solutions #changes #challenges #thankful #lifeis #thatslife #thelife

Is it worth it? ❤💘💔

Hi ❣It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Like I mention in my post “ I’m currently not dating….” it’s because of my experiences when it comes to dating and even more when it comes to relationships. And I know I need to resett my self a bit, a bit more then I actually thought.

I haven’t lost the faith in love and relationship, because I see both family and friends around me have great relationships. Functional relationships build on a bit different things then my last relationship was. So I know it’s possible to have a healthy and loving relationship with the correct person and partner.

I may seem bitter, critical and cynical when it comes to love and relationships – but I’m not really.  I see that it all, my attitude to relationships, is based on my own experiences, and not necessarily what for most couples and relationships is a reality. I’m just worried the reality I have, my experienc, when it comes to relationship is going to be a reality and truth for me one more time,- and I know I can’t handle that one more time. It takes so much time and energy to just be “here” I’m now, and I have still some steps left to walk.

To be “here” I’m now has took me over 7 years, and there’s still things that’s make me want to throw up when I think about relationship, and I know I’m not ready to handle different “challenges” a relationship can gives, yet.

I’m not interested to be in a relationship now. I need to resett my self, my mind, soul and heart before that can be a “issue” again.

I’m not interested to have all the differents commitments it’s obviously necessary to have when you are in a relationship.

I’m not interested to be treated so bad as I has been in relationship anymore. I’m not interested to give so much from my self and get so little back. I’m not interested in all the different “restrictions” , claim and demand there is in a relationship. I’m not interested to be told all the different things I’m doing wrong. All from what kind of clothes I’m very, complains about the food I’m making or what wrong store I did bought it in. I’m not interested to listen to all the things that are wrong with me and all the different kinds of treatment I need to have so I can be “correct”.

I’m not interested to feel so totally alone anymore. I was and felt more alone, lonely and lonesome in that relationship than I have ever been, and then I’m now when I’m actually alone, now when it’s just me. I actually lost the contact with my family and my friends during this relationship,- and I was totally alone too ( except from my children, I unfortunately, also manage to drag with me in this’ that’s incredibly painful to think about 😭 💔).

And I was scared too, and worried. I felt I had a big, big grey and heavy stone in my stomach. And I did cry a lot, but I had no one to go too.

I’m not interested to feel so miserable and confused anymore. Or so unsecured on closely everything. Myself, my work, my interests, my thoughts, my body, my health, my mental mind, my clothes, my habits. I don’t want to feel so totally alone and failed in “all” different areas of life.

I’m not interested to be and feel monitored and looked after.  Be called a liar, or hear that I have no heart – or if I’m so lucky to have a heart, it’s full of black holes. I’m not interested to hear I’m stupid, and “something needs to be wrong with me”, and go to many different treatments to be “fixed” 😳.

I’m not interested to be “brainwashed” one more time. I’m not interested to feel like I’m drawing in a ice cold dark ocean when I’m standing on land in the sunshine.

A relationship for me was to many demands, expectations, pressures, hopes, disappointments, responsibilities, commitments and I did more and less most of this “all the time” wrong too, just in case. I was happy in the wrong way, I was sad in the wrong way, I “did” the relationship- commitment wrong. But when all comes to all,- nothing of this, my experiences is love or unconditional love. It’s “power” and control over an other person. I know that.

But this is my private and personal experience from a boyfriend and to be in a relationship. And in my head I know this kind of treatment in a relationship (or actually general for all treatment of people) is not love, it’s not about the respect for another person.

I know many has other and more positive experiences to be in a relationship then I have. I can’t just find, feel or remember very much positive with a relationship. But,- the good thing is,- I still have an imagination of a good, loving and healthy relationship- I can “work for” when or if I’m going to be ready for a boyfriend and a relationship again.

But to be honest,- it’s not worth it for me, not when I think, feel and do remember how it was to be in a relationship, how it was to be together with a boyfriend. It’s not worth it,- to feel so incredibly miserable closely all the time. At least not at the moment, maybe never, to go through this again.

I probably sounds bitter, but I’m not. I just know that this is my life and I don’t want to have something like that in my life ever again. I’m lucky- lucky that was dropped off in Spain, if not I don’t think I have been here today.

I really need to resett my self, and I don’t know how long time that will take. But what I do know is that a new man in my life will not “fix” this at the moment, fix my mind and soul. My heart, I think my heart is actually fine, because I was never heartbroken to be dropped off in Spain, just in a very big shock.

This Easter I did started to paint the pain, my not to good experiences when it comes to a relationship. I’m going to show you when it’s finish, but it will take a bit time before it’s finished. It’s a bit painful process to paint at the same time an incredible relief feeling too.

Of course I do think about my “why” I wanted to date and hopefully get into a relationship again, but I don’t know at the moment if my “why” is worth it. And I do know that it’s not worth to be in a relationship if it’s like my experiences are.

So that’s why I don’t date, and are not “looking” for a boyfriend and relationship, because I’m worried and scared, and it was not worth it.

Time will show what’s happens, and if I’m changing my mind when it comes to boyfriend and relationship, and if I manage to resett my heart, soul and mind 🌹. But at the moment I’m here I’m and that’s fine, I’m fine 🌹.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

Fixing a broken heart- finish painted by me in 2016.

My experiences from a relationship are not the best, I know that. And it’s actually not my heart that’s broken, I think my heart is very good 🧡. But my experiences that are in my mind and soul still need time to be resett before I will be able to think and believe that a relationship can be different from my experiences 🌹.

#experiences #differences #imagenation #love #unconditionallove #relationship #treatment #dating resettmyself #challenges #changes