And then it happened again…..10 years later 💸😳😔

Hi ❣It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I’m not fine today,- what happens to me 10 years ago,- more and less at the same time as now, but still in a different way,- happen to me again yesterday. I was scammed or exposed to fraud. At the moment I’m not sure what’s the difference, or what word that’s correct,- I know probably that in a couple of days when my head is a bit more clear than today. And hopefully I’m a bit more calm down- I hope I will be more calm down.

And just so you know,- this is a bit long text….

I did never thought I should be in a situation like this again,- I’m so careful. I don’t use my credit card very much,- in general I like to use cash. And Ido very few online shopping as well.. And also I’m always sure I have enough money on my account to pay for the regular expenses before anything else. I don’t even go out for a coffee together with friends before I actually know I can effort it a with good conscience. I did promise my self that I was not going to get in the same situation as 10 years ago……but I didn’t manage to keep that promise. Here I’m.

I have considered a lot if I should tell you this or not,- special because of the judgment from other people- everyone who believes that everything that happens to everyone else can not happen to them. In a very strange way there’s many souls that are “protected” from a lots of different kinds of things, happenings and stuffs in life, and “nothing” can happen to them.

And I can’t actually handle that kind of judgement today. I can’t handle any “poor you” comments either.

I can’t handle to hear or read from someone else how stupid I’m, “blue eyed”, naive, gullible and so on and so on either. Believe me,- I have had many turns around myself today and really thought about what I could done different yesterday so my bank account wasn’t emptied. Yes,- you read correct- I have 7 euro left from closely 2000 euro. Saved up during the last six months. My salary, my savings from glassbottles sales and painting sales, savings from trying to be economic- and save up enough money to be able to pay for the moving of our things and stuffs from Norway. I was half way there,- but now I’m back to start again.

Maybe and hopefully I will get the money back because I did recognize that something wasn’t quite correct early in the process, but still I did recognize it a bit to late. After my bank account just contained 7 euro. The bank and the police don’t know if I will get my money back. And the police are actually not sure if they can help very much either,- something I can understand. Economic scamming are complicated and in general done by a big and complex network. Like I was exposed for today.

I know many people are in a much worse situation then I’m,- but still my situation doesn’t feel very good for me. And I know there are so many people in the same situation as I’m in today,- and that’s not because they are stupid or “blue eyed”, or “simple souls”, or without to much knowledge or gullible. And that’s why I did choose to tell you my story today,- because this can actually happen to everyone. And also,- last time, 10 years ago I didn’t tell anyone. Actually that’s not true,- I did try to tell some very few, but they turned their back to me. And I became a suicide candidate as well. Filled up with Shame and quilt. Short version why I turned to a suicide candidate 10 years ago: I had no idea to handle a fraud and a not very good partner at the same time, and I didn’t have anyone to talk to. The best solution seemed at that time to stop being in this world…..the challenge was- my kids- I’m still here because I couldn’t manage to leave them at the same time as I didn’t felt very much for living anymore either.

This time I’m not there,- I feel for living, but I’m not in the best place at the moment. And this time I don’t feel on shame, but despair. It has taken me a lots and offer of time to be able to save up this money- and in just a couple of hours when I was working they was gone.

So what did happen? How did I be exposed for a fraud yesterday? I’m going to try my very best to explain. And I do apologise if I forget something, I’m not myself today.

As some of you know our things and stuffs was delivered on my door this Monday. A bit unexpected, and a bit earlier then planned,- but okay. I had saved up half of the payment. Then I thought I should be effective and just “turn around” and sell the big things so I hopefully manage to save in a bit more for the moving transport. Actually more and less the rest what I’m missing.

I took photos and posted in a couple of sales online pages, and wow- it was a crazy response. I was so happy and a bit overwhelmed too. And I did felt a bit lucky as well. It actually seemed to go my way and I was going to be able to at least sell for around 1000 euro- instead I lots the twice.

There was 3 people in 3 different places in Spain that couldn’t pick up the things them self,- but wanted to organize “pick up” with FedEx, GLS and also something called Milanuncios. This last one is a buy and selling page in Spain. I didn’t knew they also delivered, but I don’t know all and everything in and about Spain. And I haven’t put my things for sale on this page either yet.

It showed also up a fourth delivery company too, and a fourth buyer- but at that time I had recognized that something was wrong. Maybe this fourth is a real thing, but I don’t know. It’s called Nacex Group. I haven’t checked it up.

4 people in 4 different places in Spain using 4 different delivery systems,- that’s possible, isn’t it? I know FedEx deliver from door to door, and I know GLS do too. But the thing is,- it was probably not the real deal of FedEx and GLS.

I have never used anything like this before so I don’t know how it works. But I got an explanation on email from 3 of them. Not quite similar actually, but still they needed my account and some of my credit card information to be able to transfer the money for the sale into my bank account. And my phone number and of course address as well for picking up the things. I also got a confirmation on email about date and time for picking up the things I had sold.

I gave the information about my bank account- two different accounts. I shouldn’t done that. And I did my job on my costumer service agent on the phone, and felt quite good actually. Some of the things was going to be picked up at 17. And some around 18.30. This was FedEx and GLS. This Milanuncios I did just gave up my address and phone number too, I felt I needed to find out if it was correct that this online selling and buying net page actually did delivered for people. But I couldn’t do that before after my job was finish.

I got different emails and texts on What’s up from Fedex and GLS, and the costumer as well, and tried my best to handle them inbetween my job. In the meantime the account with most of my money was tapped for money.

I have delivered it all to the police and the bank. I contacted them as soon as I registered that something wasn’t correct.

This person that “used” Fedex as a delivery company asked me to update him or her, I’m actually not sure if it was a he or she, when I had got the money into my account and the things was picked up around 17.00. This costumer I haven’t heard anything more from, but this FedEx are texting me a lot, and I can’t block them either because the police want to know what they are texting me.

And then it’s something they called simulation payment and wanted me to do a simulation payment so they new it was my account and me the money went to. Like a kind of verification. I don’t know what I simulation payment is- but the police could confirm that some companies use this kind of payment. For real, the bank confirmed it as well. But still I’m not sure what it is. It’s a kind of verification for to know that the seller is the credit card owner.

And this GLS was a lady in Sevilla, she texted me a lot. I have blocked her now.

In FedEx the sales was for around 500 euro and in GLS actually 630 euro.

But in some way they both suddenly told me that I was going to get 880 euro into my bank account. Two different persons, two different delivery companies, the same amount- I knew that was not correct.

When I did recognized that my bank account was empty and not with more money I asked FedEx, what did happen? And then it was this simulation payment, but I was going to get my money back,- 880 euro. They have empty my account for a bit more then 880 euro.

The lady wrote to me, wanted me to hurry up with different kinds of confirmation about the delivery and also wrote to me that I was going to get 880 euro into my account. That was not correct. And at time I was also starting to try to minimize the economic damage and situation, and was in contact with both the bank and the police.

I know FedEx deliver and pick up, but I don’t know how it is in function the payment from the costumer, or the payment to the costumer. You can call me stupid and “blue eyed”, gullible or a “simple soul”,- but don’t tell it to me. Tell it to yourself in your head. I have more than enough to handle myself now at days then also some other peoples judgement about that “I should knew better”. And I’m actually not sure how I could knew this better either. I have never used FedEx, I have not sold anything online in Spain before and I know it’s necessary to give my account information if I want to have money into it- but unfortunately that kind of information also can put you in a totally different and opposite situation as well- like I’m in now at days.

I know that 2000 euro maybe aren’t a lots of money for some people,- but for me it’s a bit actually. And it has been a lots of work for me to even get then, save them up.

There are so many different ways to pay for things in today’s society and to be honest I’m not familiar with most of them. And as more everything becomes more and more technical and more and more safe and secure, and even “easier” to use with all the different codes and things- for me it all seems and feels more and more unsecured and unsafe.

I have tried my very best to tell you what happen. I’m not in a very good place now at days- I don’t know what to do. And I’m really asking you to not write any comments to this text- I’m not in a place where I can handle negative comments at the moment.

And to be honest,- I feel it’s a kind of curse that lies over me when it comes to money and me and being exposed to fraud .I feel destroyed. I don’t know why this happens to me. I admit I feel like the worst person that in some or another way need to get this kind of treatment. Maybe I do deserve this? But I’m not sure why I do- but obviously I do. I feel I can work and work and work and try to save up. I’m not sure what wrong I have done in my life,- but today it feels like I have done something very wrong and need to get the punishment I deserve. I feel like a not very good human og person because this things happen- it’s probably a reason.

It will be a while until I’m writing in my blog again now- I’m not in a good place and need to try my very best to put myself together in one or another way. I’m not a suicide candidate this time- but I’m not in a very good place either. All my work, all my savings are gone. And I need to try to pick myself up again in one or another way- but at the moment I don’t know how.

It is not so easy to distinguish what is false and real In this online and technical world we live in.

I tell you my story because it so easy to be scammed and be exposed for fraud in today’s society- but still there are so many people who are judges and looks down on people who are exposed to this. I know there will probably be more then enough people who want to tell me “why, how, you should have done this and that and ect instead”. At least I did contact the police as soon as I understood something wasn’t correct, and the same with my bank.

I tell you my story, but I don’t like to tell it- sometimes it’s just necessary to tell things that’s happen in life, but aren’t good.

And ps- when I was writing my story I got a new sale- but this one needed to use DHL for delivery. I don’t know if this is a real sale- probably not.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you when I’m in a bit better place in my life 🤞🙏

All my small savings in a “just in case” box in my kitchen- and this one will be good to have now at days.

I’m not sure what to say,- but I’m not in a very good place now at days. The today’s society with all kinds of different payments possibilities and all the different security systems- that should make our life easier also makes it so much easier to be exposed for different kinds of frauds. Like I was yesterday. And then it all makes it all so much more difficult then easy,- that’s for sure.

#fraud #scam #destroying #nofilter #shame #quill #confusing #notinagoodplace #savingmoney #doingmybest #money #challenges #difficult #feelings #sale #economi #thougths

No words 😔🇺🇦

Hi ❣ I hope all is fine with you during this day 🕯

It’s a special day today,- but not in a good way.

My thoughts goes to all the people in Ukraine today 🧡. All the families, the small children, the teenagers, the young adults, the adults, the elderly people- girls and boys, women and men in Ukraine 🧡.

There’s no words good or bad enough to explain the situation. But I need to admit I have a “bunch” of bad words to a not very good or charming man….. his name is Vadimir V.P. I don’t like him very much. And I don’t like all the attention he gets- but what to do when he creates the horrible situation he have created?

I could write so much about him or men like him because, unfortunately- he is not the only jackass of a man in this world- but I think I save it to an other day when I can be a bit more calm down with my words….. today my words can be and probably would be not very nice at all, or as objective, neutral or with a distance as they should be.

Instead I turn my focus to all the people in Ukraine- and lights candles for peace and hope, love and harmony to all of them 🧡🕯.

Candles for all the people in Ukraine 🧡🕯

To night I lights up candles for all the people in Ukraine 🇺🇦🕯. Lights for hope and love, peace and harmony 🌱🍃🧡.

#Ukraine #war #thougths #destroying #challenges #love #hope #optimism #peace

“Breaking free” ⚒😊

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Like I did mention in my last post I did meet a “captivating gentleman” some years ago in Norway, and was in a not very mental healthy relationship. At least it wasn’t very healthy for me and my mind. And it’s not easy to explain to people around me either,- this mental destroying I felt inside me. People in general can’t see it. And it’s difficult to understand something you can’t see.

I have been thinking and working and tried to “process” my experiences, thoughts and feelings after being in a not very healthy mental relationship. The shame, the feeling of weakness, disappointments over myself,- and that I “allowed” it to happen, to be treated like something that felt like “nothing”.

I also mention in my last post that “the captivating gentleman” thought I needed different kinds of treatments to be “fixed”. It was different things that was wrong with me,- like for example if I had a heart my heart was filled up with black wholes, I didn’t put enough love in the food when I made food to him, I didn’t know what love was, special not unconditional love or how a relationship did function, I didn’t dressed correctly, I was too nice on the phone when I spoke with other people in the phone, I didn’t show the correct happiness when something went well for him, I should work less, and more things that I don’t remember- and this things needed to be fixed. So I went to different kinds of treatments to be “fixed”- and as more treatments I went to as more confused I became. I don’t remember all the different treatments either anymore,- but one of them was to be healed by some healed water in two blue glassbottles.

This kind of glassbottle- except from that I have painted on this., and for some reason I don’t know- this bottle was in my kitchen in Spain- not in Norway.

I’m actually not sure how this blue glassbottle ended up on our home in Spain, I have always liked the bottle, how it looks like- because it’s actually a nice bottle, but I have also never been able to use it, even I have tried many times. I just see myself sitting in the kitchen in Norway, with the glassbottles in front of me and wonder what would happen, what would and should be healed inside me, fixed this time? And would it be fixed? Would I be fixed?

So I chose “Breaking free” instead.

Started on “Breaking free”

I remember I did sit with the glassbottles in front of me, and listen to a healer during the phone. The water should be healed and I should be healed, and we all should drink the healed water. The glassbottles must never be totally empty, because then the healed water was gone. That was a bit stress to remember to never let the glassbottles be empty for the healed water. Maybe I did forget it sometimes and that’s why I never was “fixed”, healed?

So one day here in Spain I found a hammer and broke the glassbottle and to be honest it was a fantastic feeling.

I made a plate from wood to the broken glassbottle- because I wanted to create something a bit cool from something that didn’t felt so cool – because there is where I want to be now- in a cool place fare away from the not so cool past 😊

And “suddenly” (not so suddenly as it can seems when I write about it- it took bit more time then “suddenly”- but still it felt like “suddenly”) ,things felt much better and easier inside me,- special when I was able to forgive myself for choose to be together with a “captivating gentleman”.

I did made some art of the glassbottle too. I like the art,- “Breaking free”. Because that’s the way it feels- it feels like I’m breaking free from the past. And that’s actually a bit cool, and in it’s own way deserve to be some cool art 🎨.

What’s was left from the bottle I glue with ceramic glue – and it’s become a bit cool art of it.

It has been a long process,- special to start believe again, forgive myself and accept that “life is”, the past is the past- unfortunately, it all is what it is- and I need to try to do the best of it all, try to do the best of my experiences 😊. And I’m “on my way” much more then I have been for a very long time 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 😊

See you soon 😊.

“Breaking free”

To “breaking free” from a past that’s have been a bit mental challenge in life it’s not easiest thing to do ⚒. It’s a process- the mind and soul needs to be healed in their own tempo (and not by healed water in a blue glassbottle), but hopefully with some kind of other help and processes. I have painted and broken – and created- and I’m in the more “correct direction” in my life then I have been for a very long time 🧡.

#art #oneofakind #glassbottle #oilcolor #painting #breakingfree #emotions #feelings #thougths #destroying #challenges #changes #onmyway #feelingfree #feelinggrateful #process #create #mentalhealth #broken #creatingsomethingnew

The “captivating” gentleman 🎩😳

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I did write about “the gentleman” in my last post,- and some years ago, in Norway, I met a “captivating” gentleman- and “captivating” in not a good and positive way….after a while. In the beginning, around the first 6 months I was treated like a woman, like a princess by a gentleman, closely every time we met. He did follow the “descriptions” for what a gentleman is and how he should be and behave.. And I need to admit I really did like it. I really enjoyed it to be treated like that.

But I didn’t enjoyed the changes so much, they made me actually very uncomfortable, unsure and confused. He wasn’t to happy with me, and wanted to change me, fix me. And I really did try, did follow the different things and recommendations he ment I needed to work with and do. But it was hard, I lost myself in all this “fixing” and it took a bit of a while to “find” “me” again. “The me” I did like before I meet him. And I lost the faith and believe in men, the gentleman, relationship.

It just took a bit of time for me to get distance from the not very nice gentleman I met many years ago.  Or that’s actually not correct- the man/ gentleman I manage to get distance to fast- but not the way he treated me. It took me a long time to get distance to that.  And it took even more time for me to forgive myself for  let this not very nice gentleman treat me the way he did. And also get this believe back- in “the gentleman”, the nice and caring gentleman, not the captiving😊.

Like I mention in one of my post the Autumn 2021,- the mental destroying is so much more difficult to explain and “show” to other people. To explain how it’s actually feels to be in a mental destroying situation and relationship. And my daughter went through something similar during last year as well. And she had an very good description how she felt to be together with someone how destroy you mentally- “it’s like he stole my life”.

I felt it closely in the same way, but also like I was in a kind of prison, chained with insecurity, low self-esteem, imprisoned inside even though I was out and free, I no longer felt free – just scared and watched. I felt so little, so small, so worthless, and so shameful because I didn’t had the courage to end the relationship either. I felt weak, useless. I felt mostly like everything was wrong with me. I felt like a horrible person. My clothes, the way I was happy, the way I talked in the phone, the way I made food…and more was wrong with me and needed to be fixed.

The changes from feeling be loved and liked unconditional for who I was, to not be good enough in so many things was difficult.

So instead of trying to explain I did paint. And it felt like this, and it feels like this when I remember back:

To be “Impriosend”- can you see little scared me in the painting?

I should probably had some professional help and advice from a psychologist after the breakup with this “captivating gentleman”, – but I did not quite know how to deal with it.  None of what I felt, thought about myself was shown on me, just inside me. And it’s so difficult to explain too.  And the few times I had tried to talk to some few friends about this in Norway I was rejected – “he seemed so handsome, nice, kind, yes, like a gentleman” 🎩.

I think this “healing process” from this relationship, this “Impriosend gentleman” maybe had happen a bit faster for me with professional help,- so I have reccomend my daughter to get professional help from a psychologist to help to deal with her experiences during the last year. And hopefully “recover” faster then I did.

Me- don’t know what to do, where to go, what to tell or how to explain.

I don’t want her to have the same challenges inside her like I had for so many years. I can’t help her the same way as a professional psychologist can. I can just be her mammi, love her unconditional and take as good care of her as I can.

Luckily I “landed” in Spain, even the “landing” in Spain was the way it was- with a crash landing ☄. Because I was in a really dark place during the last months when I was living in Norway.

The first time I really open up for how the relationship was and what it had done to my heart, soul, thoughts, mind was to Natasja and she didn’t rejected me, she did listen, asked questions and listen and listen for years 🧡.

And suddenly something has happen inside me during the lasts weeks- its like a big bobble that just on it’s own way “explode” and suddenly I felt free- free from my destruction and destroying thoughts, free from not best experience in life together with not the best gentleman in the world, and Im ready to “move on” with my life 😊.

I have been able to Forgive myself for not the best choice of a man in my life, and also accept the fact that – that’s life- that’s in the past, I  can’t do anything about it. I can just move on 😊. But it hasn’t been easy- to get rid of the shame that I could be so weak and excepted to be treated like that, and the bad mental treatment takes a bit time to get distance to, and recover from. And it’s difficult to explain and “show”.

I’m not sure if it’s the conversation with Natasja or the fact that my children are not angry because I chose to be together with a gentleman like him, and went into “a dark place” for a period? Or the fact that the years, the time just goes by? You get distance to different things as the times goes by. Or the painting? Or what’s happen to my daughter during this Autumn?

It doesn’t matter- the most important thing for me now it’s this feeling that I did in my own way manage to explain how it feels to be in a mental destroying relationship. I don’t need to explain anything anymore- I can just show and share the painting,- and hopefully most people will understand. It’s like I painted the bad feelings “off” me, and placed them on the canvas instead. Moved them to the canvas. Can that make any sense?

And,- To the end of the day- it is what it is. It’s in the past- and I’m here in the present on the way to my future -every day 😊. And it’s feels like “Breaking free”- I’m going to show you that one in my next post 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

It’s so incredibly good to not feel this inside me anymore 😊

To explain and “show” how it can feels inside you when you go through, and are in a mental destructive and destroying relationship is very difficult. No one can “see” how you are inside you, the feelings, thoughts. So I did try to paint “it all”- and hopefully the painting is an “explanation” enough.

#experiences #differences #emotions #feelings #thougths #destroying #destructive #mentalhealth #mental #challenges #changes #explanation #relationship #thepast

My daughter’s story: I didn’t leave it like that 🧹🧼😊🏡

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

As some of you know,- the apartment my daughter did lived in/ rented together with Nathaniel Caprino looked not very nice when we was there to pick up her clothes, things and stuff. And it has been very difficult to get in contact with the owner of the apartment.

Nathaniel Caprino wouldn’t give my daughter the number to the owners and he had destroyed the rental contract too. And as maybe some of you also know- my daughter’s mobile is “out of function”, so it was a bit difficult to find and get the owners number and information and at least give back the keys to their apartment. Also the rental estate agent and company was difficult to find because my daughter didn’t remember the name or had the number.

But did you think I left the apartment like we did find it? No- I didn’t. And of course not- for me it is ” of course not”- it’s something about responsibility and respect for the apartment and the owners to the apartment.

I did my very best to clean up the mess- take good care of the apartment so the owner situations should at least be a bit easier for them to handle.

I went back to the apartment some days later and started cleaning up- everything. It’s not the “funniest” job I have done- but in my mind it needed to be done. Also because it started to came bugs in the food garbage and the dish wash sink and that could destroy the apartment. I started to clean around 17.00 in the afternoon and I was finish cleaning around 24.00 in the night 😴. And I walked back to my home- I need to try to save some money – it had been some weeks with some unexpected expenses for me as well lately. So I have walking a bit up and down to the apartment- got some fresh air and exercises at least 😅.

Me on the way to my daughter’s old apartment with a big backpack on my back- ready to clean up someone else’s mess and shit….and yes- I’m incredibly tired now at days,- as you can see 😴.

Some have asked me why I did cleaned up my daughter’s apartment, and for example not my daughter together with a friend did it. My daughter is still struggling with long Covid19, her energy level is not on the highest at the moment, and this “situation” NC have “put” her in has not been easy for her to handle either. But at the same time I need to say I’m incredibly impressed and proud over how good she handles things too 🧡.

I used many hours to clean up, and I did washed everything and everywhere except from the roof and the walls. Well,- I did cleaned the wall around the kitchen.

Look at the kitchen now 😊
And before I started 😔
The bedroom after I was finish cleaning- nice, isn’t it?😊
Not the best photos from the bedroom before- but still it’s a bit better after I did cleaned up.
The bathrooms before I did cleaned up- not the best photos- but nice “after photos” 😊
And the bathrooms after a good scrub 🧼
And the livingroom became cozy as well 😊
But before- phu- but okay,- it looked nice when I was finish 😊

So how did I manage to get the number to the owners? Well,- NC actually did sent it with a mistake to my daughter- it was on a photo he forgot to remove the number from.

So then I sent a message to the owner, told them very shortly that I had the keys to their apartment. They gave me the number to the real estate agent, but he contacted me before I manage to contact him. And wow,- he was angry- something I really can understand- I manage to calm him down and did explain the situation and also sent him photos both from before I cleaned the apartment as well as after. And also the police report and the the summons to the trial.

He has picked up the keys so I don’t need to have anything “hanging over” me when it comes to the apartment anymore- that feels good 😊. Two more thing are finish – the cats have got a new home, and the owners has got the keys to their apartment. Two less things to deal with in this “case and situation” 😊. And that feels actually great 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

And garbage- well,- it became a bit garbage too- but I took it all with me when I did closed and locked the door to a clean apartment.

After hours of cleaning after someone else’s mess, shit and dirt I need to admit I’m pretty pleased with the results 😊. You can see how nice it became in my post 😊.

#cleaningup #mydaugther #mydaugthersstory #beingamammi #lifeis #respect #responsibility #lifeis #challenges #NathanielCaprinoEngbråten #caprinomusic #Nathanielcaprino #destroying #nofilter #results #gettheworkdone #apartment #douchebag #garbage