Am I without traditions and culture? 🇧🇻

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

This week was the Norwegian Constitution day 🇧🇻, and I used this day as a day off from “all and everything” for a tiny little while 😊. I could have celebrate together with some friends in Benalmadena as well as some friends in Fuengirola, but I did choose to just rest this day, in the sun,- and it was not to bad at all 🥰.

I’m still a bit low on energy, but slowly the energy is coming back now,- and that’s feels so great 🥰.

Marius, my oldest did work, Ruben did celebrate in Norway together with his friends, and Mathilde did her work together with a tiny celebration in Bali 🇧🇻. It’s make me happy to see my kids still do a bit of some of our traditions and Norwegian celebrations 🥰.

In a way I have “lost” many of this kind of Norwegian and family traditional and cultures celebrations during the last years. Some of the “losing” actually started before I moved to Spain. They started when I was in the relationship that wasn’t to healthy for my mind and soul up there in Norway. And, unfortunately, I haven’t managed to keep up with to many of my Norwegian traditions and the traditions I did grow up with after I/ we moved to Spain. I have tried, but slowly it’s a bit like the time, the daily life in a “new” country and the life on it’s own has in its own way slightly “erased” my/ our traditions.

I feel a bit “naken” , or more correctly, I feel my life is a bit “naken” without the traditions and cultures celebrations I did grew up with. At the same time I’m in a place in my life now where I need to find a kind of new rhythm when it comes to the traditions and cultures celebrations I had in Norway, because I’m not in Norway anymore.

I’m was perfectly fine in the sun during the Norwegian Constitution day this week 🌞. But of course I also did gave this traditions and cultures celebrations a thought and two. Am I without any specific traditions and cultures celebrations now? 🤔

If I have been in Norway I had maybe celebrate the Norwegian Constitution day,- I think, but I’m not sure- because who to celebrate the day together with in Norway? Everyone have their own to celebrate together with,- family and friends, and of course Ruben was and also had been together with his friends this day,- natural enough 💙.

And that’s also an other reason why our traditions and culture celebration are the way they are at the moment,- because we all four ( me and my three lovely children) are in different places in our life at the moment,- and also have been during the lasts years. We are trying to find our way in each of our lives, while walking a little next to each other as well ❤💙💙❤.

At the same time as we actually have created and made a kind of celebration during the Christmas- time as well as the Norwegian Constitution day, and my children’s birthdays too, and some few others traditions from our Norwegian culture. Not in the same way as we did when we did live in Norway,- but a kind of celebration in our own tiny, but nice and cozy way 🥰.

My birthday is many years since I did celebrate,- the exception was this year 🥰. Ruben did visit me/ us here in Spain the week I had birthday,- and we did celebrate my birthday together with just be together, order food delivered to the door ( a luxury on it’s own for me 😊) and we did watch a good movie together,- a cozy and in it’s own way,- perfect birthday, with the most amazing birthday present ever,- a surprise visit from Ruben 🎁❤.

In one way I do miss to celebrate our culture traditions the way we did in Norway when we did live in Norway. I miss family birthday parties, and other family “events”,- at the same time as I’m actually not sure I do “fit” in “there” anymore.

Some weeks ago two teenagers in Norway that I’m an aunt too, celebrated their baptism. I need to admit I did send them a lots of good thoughts for their day. And I also wondered how it had been to be there together with them, celebrate together with them and the family. At the same time as I think I don’t fit in “there” anymore. I have been away from “it all” a long time. I think I have felt very uncomfortable to be there, to be honest. They live their lives, I live my. And I feel different from them, a bit like an “outsider”.

At the same time as I do miss the different “old family culture traditions and celebrations” I don’t miss it, because we are not in Norway anymore,- and we need to try to find our own way to celebrate at the same time as we keep some of our “old” celebrations and create our new traditions and celebration “touched” with our culture in a new area in our life. Like make and create something that suits us as the family we are now, with something old and new traditions together in a way that’s best for us 😊.

I know my children have the tradition they did grew up with in their heart, mind and soul, and I have them too. Something Im very grateful for ❤ . They are just “resting” a bit, this traditions and cultures celebrations, and I think,- slowly when all four of us have found more our new places in our life we will get our new traditions and celebration together with some of the old one 🥰. I’m not worried about that,- this is a part of the life,- the different changes in life 🧡. But of course I at the same time will say I do miss now and then what was,- long time ago up there in Norway 🤗. What I’m incredibly grateful for that I and we have a lots of amazing memories together from different cultures and traditions celebrations in Norway 🥰. And good memories are gold worthy,- and really something to build something new on when the time is there 😊🤗. I have probably not missed the culture and traditions celebrations from Norway if they wasn’t some fantastic memories 🧡.

I like culture and traditions celebrations,- if not I have probably not miss them or given them to many thoughts. It’s like I also like the regular routines in the daily life 😊.

So no,- I’m not without traditions and cultures celebrations,- they are still there inside me, just “resting” a bit,- and slowly I’m, together with my children, are going to create our culture and traditions celebrations up again, build from something old and something new 🥰.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊.

Me ,- the photo is taken on the Norwegian Constitution day this week,- after a lovely rest in the sun. And I’m without any kind of makeup,- it’s in its own way represented like I sometimes feel my life is a bit “naked” without traditions and cultures celebrations.

I’m not without traditions and cultures celebrations even it feels like that sometimes 🇧🇻. They are there inside me, in my heart, mind and soul, they are just “resting” a bit until we find our own and new way to celebrate the different traditions and cultures event with something new together with something old 😊.

#traditions #celebrations #challenges #changes #thougths #feelings #choices #lifeis #challenges #differences #emotions #family #mychildren #findingourwayinlife #greatmemories #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky

April is over 🐣and May has already started🌹

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

April is already a finish “capital” and May has already started. And like I feel the other months so fare this year went a bit fast, April did too.

In April we, or more correctly, Mathilde had the first roof terrace party in my, or again more correctly at that time, our home. A party thst went very well 🎉😊. But still I’m not going to have a party like that on the terrace.

It was Easter as well in April, and Mathilde did “leave the building” straight after and started on her new adventures in Bali 🏖. And so fare so very well, she is enjoying her new life in a new and very different place from Spain, and Norway too. She is very good to put out different posts both on Instagram as well as Snap chat. And it’s nice, funny and exciting to follow her and in a way be a part of her daily life. A tiny part, but still a part 😊.

I got some painting orders too in April, something I think are both exciting, a funny creative challenge as well as it gives me a bit ” performance anxiety”. Something that’s also good because I get more aware of how I paint and not least the customer’s wishes, as well as do my best to create the performance and illustrations that the customer wants to have painted 🎨. It’s a very new challenge for me, but a challenge I really like, a creative demanding challenge.  Demanding in a positive way 😊.

And my oldest son became 28 years old too during April, and he also got a new job, a job he wanted 💛🙏. I’m incredibly grateful and happy for that 🙏💛.

I have used my time after Mathilde moved to organize the home in a way I like it and want to have it. I have also baked some cakes to have in my fridge for guests that’s dropping by 😊.

I’m in general not bored 😅. A creative soul have in general always something to do 😅.

Last Saturday, that means two days ago, I got a text from one of my colleagues. He needed a place to stay for 3 nights, until we get our salary into our bank accounts. I said yes to that question, but I was also very clear- it’s just then for three nights, because I knew the question would come- to stay here longer when he was “well installed” in the guests room. But that’s not a option for me now, not at all.

I can’t and I don’t want to live together with anyone now. Not even for money. I choose rather to work more hours every day then live together with someone. I really need this time on my own now. To get to know “me”. Some will both think and say I’m selfish,- I actually don’t care very much about that. It’s not correct for me to live together with anyone at the moment. I’m not there in my life now. I need to find my place in my life, and I can just do that when I’m just with my self.

So why did he, this colleague, need a place to stay for just some nights? Because our salary get paid out the 1.every month. And yesterday was both a Sunday and 1. May. So the salary button will not be pressed before today. And then some will have their salary into their bank account today, others tomorrow. I will probably have my salary into my bank account tomorrow.

He is inbetween apartments, but couldn’t move into the other apartment before he have paid for the deposit, and he needed to be out of the other apartment because someone else was going to move in there yesterday, the 1.of the month.

Who is this colleague of mine?  He is a nice young man, about the same age as my eldest son. He is originally from Somalia.  moved to Norway with his siblings and mother when he was 11 years old.  And moved to Spain this Autumn to try some new adventures in life.

And why did I say yes to have a more and less foreign person in my home? My first thought was that as a mother I would have greatly appreciated if someone had helped my child in such a situation.  My second thought was that I myself have received so much help from other people when I have been in a difficult situation. So of course,- if I can help for some few days I do that.

Of course the question did came to rent the guests room, but my answer was and still is no. It’s not going to change. It’s not a option for me now,- then I prefer to work more hours every day. I need this time to just be me, find out who am I when I’m not in the mammi- role, and to be honest,- I need to handle this new period in my life too that’s “knocking on my door” called menopause, without to many people around me.

To setting boundaries and saying no was and is a good and liberated experience for me, and something I will do more in the future, and a word that I will become better at using. It made me actually happy to learn to be able to use “no” without feeling guilty 😊.

I’m very grateful for what April have “teaceh” me,- like it’s possible to have a kind of big party in my home, but that’s nothing for me. My daughter handle her new life in Bali so fare very well,- something I’m incredibly grateful for 💛. My oldest son got a new job he wanted, and Im so happy for that 🙏💛 . I have got some creative challenges, something that’s a new and exciting experience for me, and I know very well that I can’t live together with anyone at the moment, but I can help out for a tiny little while 😊. To be more clear about this last one,- I did say no because that’s correct for me, but it’s very new for me to say no to someone else because it’s actually correct for me to say no. In general I say yes,- even when I don’t want to say yes. I’m actually learning to say no to things I don’t want or can do. Things that is not correct and don’t feel correct for me to do. I’m not use to that- but it feels not to bad at all to actually say no, and do something that’s just for me and myself, and feels good and correct for just me. (Obviously I’m growing up too, and learning to use the word no 😅).

It is my kind of freedom to be able to live alone now. And I have family and friends I want use time together with in my home the way I want to use the time. That’s the way it is for me at the moment 😊.

May is very welcome,- even I don’t know very much what this new month will bring me 😊. I know I have a week holiday next week, and I’m going to use that week, that days to do what suits me best- no one else then me 🥰, just me, except from a couple of days when I’m going to look after Zorro,- my eldest son’s dog, but that will be a nice 😊. To have Zorro will be a nice relaxation in the days, and Zorro does not require much other than food and water in his bowls and some airing 🐕.

I’m going to continue painting in May, and do my work as well when I’m “back” from my holiday. And I’m actually going to deliver a basket with oilpainted glassbottles to Natasja and the Cafe Casa Barella in Mijas- glassbottles for sale with solar lights inside, a little more environmentally friendly light in other words than what I use now 💡🌞. And I know I’m going to spend some very nice and cozy time together with family as well as friends 💛. So yes,- I’m looking forward to meet, explore and experience May 🥰.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

May is already started with sunrise and nice and warm days- the summer is here 🌞

I’m grateful for the different experiences April gave me 💛. They was nice and gentle 😊,- and I learned to use the word “no” more for myself and more consciously than ever before.  A very liberated experience for me 💛.  May has already started, and I know I looking forward with pleasure to meet what May has to offer 💛🌹 .

#newmonth #april #may #mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #challenges #changes #thougths #no #settinglimits #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky #experiences #differences #experiencesinlife

So then it’s Bali next for my tiny little sweety pie 🏖❤

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I have just followed my daughter to the airport and now it’s Bali next stop for her for a while- closely. They are going to have stop in Istanbul and change the plane there befor the travel continue to Bali 🛩🏖. And,- well my sweety pie is not so tiny anymore- she is actually a young adult woman that’s travelling to Bali for open up a new Norwegian office “down there” 😊. That’s not to bad when you are 21, 5 years old 🥰.

She is not travelling alone- at the moment they are two young adults women travelling together, and they are also going to work together 😊.

It wasn’t easy to say Goodbye to Mathilde today,- and I need to admit I did try my very best to not cry 😔. I’m not very good to this “Goodbye’s” when it comes to my children,- that’s just the way it is ❤.

And I don’t know why my tears are jumping up into my eyes,- like for example today 😥. Because I’m so incredibly happy for this opportunity Mathilde get, so grateful for this exciting travel and experiences both in her work situation as well as in life 🥰. And Im so proud of her too 🥰. So why do I cry? I know I’m going to see her again- I just don’t know when, yet. And I know she will handle this so very well. The trip, the travel, the job, her new adventures. And like I mention- I’m so happy for her- but still my tears popping up.

I’m wishing my daughter the best travel in her life so fare 🥰❤and I’m also saying Goodbye to her for a while,- and trying my best to not cry- because then she will start crying too.

It was very empty to come home after the airport today- and like I told Mathilde,- when I’m hearing the train I think she is on the train, on her way back home, and will very soon pop up in the door and say “Haalloooo” – like she normally do 😊. But that’s not going to happen,- not for a long time now.

But Thank you so much for the internet and social media- I’m going to be able to be in contact with Mathilde during texting as well as any kind of video chat too now and then 😊.

So now I got one child in Norway- my lovely middle son, Ruben 🥰, and one child on the way to Bali- my sweet little butterfly Mathilde 🥰,- and my great oldest son, Marius, is still “around the corner” and just three train stations away 🥰. For now- but of course his plans can change too 😊.

Well,- that’s life. The children grew up, move out and in and out and in again and then out again from the nest, my nest- at least my does 😅. At the same time as they are actually creating their own adult life in their own way, inbetween this moving- in and out process 🧡.

And me? Well,- I’m in a place in life where I’m still not young anymore at the same time not old either- in the middle in life to be correct. And what does people do in the middle of the life? I’m not sure- but I will probably find out 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

It’s going to be a long time before for I can hug her again- so a long, long warm and squeezing hug was very necessary today 🤗🥰

I’m not sure why I’m starting crying when I say Goodbye to my children,- but I do. Even when I know all is fine with them and I so happy and grateful for them and their new adventures in their life 🧡. I did my very best to not let all my tears popping up today- but it was a bit hard to say Goodbye 😔❤.

#growingup #gettingolder #challenges #movingout #dailylife #emotions #feelings #thougths #positivefocus #beingamammi #outofthenest #newadventures #differences #changes #mydaugther

It was Easter, but not quite a holiday 😊🐣

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

The Easter is soon history for this year, and it was Easter in our home, but not quite a holiday 🏖. But the weather have the last days really became more and more like summer holiday weather 🌞.

I’m very happy my first day in the Easter was a relaxing day, because the next days felt a bit chaotic 😅. And of course it’s reason for that,- my daughter is leaving in just two days, and different papers needed to be in order, friends and some family needed to say Goodbye and things and stuffs needed to be packed and organized….and the kilos for the baggage have been weighed a couple of times too 😅⚖. But now I think Mathilde is ready for her big travel and some exacting and new adventures in her life,- to Bali in Indonesia 🏖

I’m in also in one way ready for her to travel, at the same time I have had a bit mixed feelings in my stomach and heart the last days. Bali is fare away 🌏 It’s not like she’s moving “just around the corner” or four train stations away 😳.

I’m looking forward to be just me for a while now, at the same time as I know it will be very empty in the home. The first days, maybe even the first weeks will feels empty. Empty, at the same time a bit nice and quiet too. And I know I’m going to miss her so much 😔, it feels like I miss her already, and she haven’t even travel yet. At the same time as I’m incredibly happy for my daughter and this incredible opportunity she have in her life and in her working- situation 💛.

Mathilde and my today 😊. Not the best photo- but absolutely better then nothing 🥰

I have been through this before,- my children are moving out….I go through different phases I my life like miss them a lot, cry a bit, think about all the things I should done better as a mammi for them , go through some regrets as a bad mammi. I’m restless, I’m dont sure how to organize my days even I have a plan and more then enough to keep myself busy and so on and so on……Parents that has been through this know what I mean ….And then when I feel I’m starting to have a bit control and overwive over my life without living together with my children they are moving back home again 😅.

When I have started to find my rhythm and routines in my dailylife , a life that’s just mainly contains my stuff and things, plans and how to organize different things in the home as well as the days and my life, I need to turn this a bit around,- and of course my children needs to do that too, but not in the same way. Because they are moving back in to their mammi.

Then it’s back to the “old routines”,- and they are not so easy to find back to either not for me, not for my children,- because I have my new one, my kids have their own ,- so when they are moving back home it’s a mixture of my new routines, my kids routines and lifestyle ……and also a kind of expectations that the “old” routines in our home are still the same as they was before my kids moved out- at the same time as they bring with them their new lifestyle. It’s not easy,- not for me and not for my children,- but I’m probably the biggest “challenge” in this situation 😳.

You should think I was starting to be a bit good to handle this “out of the nest- situation” now, and not at least use to it. But I’m not. It’s more and more challenging when they are moving back home, but it’s actually also more and more challenging when they are moving out again too 😳. I’m not sure why it is like that,- but it is.

I get so, so tired when I live together with my children because I’m actually a bit finish with that part of my life and that kind of responsibility. At the same time as I really enjoy and love to spend time together with them 🥰.

I have a couple of times welcoming my new area in life. When my children have moved out of the nest. I’m not going to do that this time 😅. I’m not sure what my new area in life is…..yet. And I also know that when Mathilde move back to Spain again she probably move back into my home for a tiny while when she’s looking for her own apartment. And I’m fine with that. I’m prepared for that.

So the Easter is over, the summer is coming and my daughter’s suitcases are packed and ready for a great travel to Bali 🏖. I’m ready too,- even with my very mixed feelings in my heart, soul and stomach. I’m ready to live just for myself for a while 😊. Maybe it’s a kind of travel that too,- I just don’t know it yet? 😊

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

My daughter’s suitcase is beginning to be ready 😊👝🛍

The Easter is over, and a new daily life is just “around the corner” for both my daughter and me 🏖. We are both going to have some new experiences in our life, and also some new adventures- but in very different ways 😊🧡.

#easter #mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #challenges #movingout #dailylife #emotions #feelings #thougths #mydaugther #mychildren #mammi #beingamammi #outofthenest #newadventures #differences #changes

It needs to heal in it’s own way and tempo 🧩⚖

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Like I mention in my last post,- to have some mental challenges in life is more and less like break a leg or get a sore throat. Sometimes a kind of treatment is necessary, other times the body heals it self. Sometimes you get a scar, other times not.

To compare mental challenges with physical challenges is probably the best way for many people to understand a bit about mental challenges in life.

Mental challenges happens if a person get some not to good experiences in life. The experiences can be many different things,- lose someone close to you, be in a bad relationship, even a bad friendship. It can be so many different things and experiences in life that can make a open, painful sore in a person’s soul and mind. Like the physical open sore needs time to heal, also the open sore in the soul and mind needs time to heal as well. But the healing process is different from person to person, as well as the treatment process also can be different from person to person.

This is not a open sore,- it’s a part of a painting I’m working on,- but it looks a bit like a open inflamed wound, right?

Other times the mental challenges can feels like a big, black, painful and empty holes inside you that you are trying to fill up with different things to both get rid of the pain and close the hole.  Get rid of the empty feeling inside you.

Other times it can be a mix of both the open inflamed sore and the open, empty black hole. And the treatment? It depends on the person, the day, the situation.

I know my daughter very well. I’m probably the one who knows her best, maybe even sometimes better then she knows her self. Because I’m her mammi, I have carried her around, in my stomach, in my arms, in my heart ❤.

And when I say I sometimes wish she was 10 months or 10 years old it’s because it was so much easier to comfort her when she didn’t feel very well. Now at days I’m not always sure what I can do for her so she feels well inside her after what she has been through.

I try to do her days in our home as easy as possible so she can focus on her self, get better, heal her pain, heal her mind, do a good job in her job, get as ready as possible for the big travel to Bali.

I know I can’t fuss too much, demand too much, arguing to much. It’s a lot inside her that must be in place after what she has been through. I know that, and I know things needs to be healed in a way that’s good for her, in her own tempo,- so the scars after her experiences will not be to big in her soul and mind when they are healed.

And I also want her to try to focus on good sleep, regular and healthy food and some exercise. Yoga, walks,- what ever that’s suitable for her. I know this three things are a very important part of getting better, let the mind heal faster.

But to focus on a as regular lifestyle as possible for her is not so easy when she works shifts. Days, afternoons, nights and weekends. It’s not so easy to split the house work between us either when she works like this and also needs to focus to heal her mind and soul.

So even if we have tried,- it’s mainly me that makes the dinners, do the shopping, clean the house, do the dishes and wash the clothes.

So yes,- I can get incredibly tired sometimes. Do different things in the home for two people, take care of her as good as I can and do my own work and my own things too. I actually don’t manage “all and everything”,- but I know this is just for an period. And I know that this is the best solutions for my daughter at the moment.

In about 4 to 6 weeks she will be on the way to Bali. Things will be different for her as well as for me. Hopefully her soul and mind will be more healed, and if she needs me or her psychologist,- I’m just a phone call away, and her psychologist just a Skype conversation away 😊. And her friends will also be available for a good chat,- I know that 😊.

And to be honest,- I need to “heal” a bit too after this period. My daughter know I needs it too,- that Im tired now it’s not a secret. And I’m going to have one week holiday when my daughter has travelled to Bali and in that holiday is just for myself and for to do absolutely nothing (wonder if I can manage that 😅?) 😁.

So,- we both needs to be healed a bit,- but just in very different ways and for very different reasons. I know my daughter will be fine,- she is a strong, young woman ❤. And I will be fine too,- it’s going to be fine to just clean my own cups and plates, wash just my sock and jumpers, clean up just after just my self for a while 😁. I don’t need to heal a open inflamed sore in my soul or a empty painful black hole inside me, likely daughter needs to do. So my “treatment” is very easy actually compared to what my daughter’s has to work with ❤. But she is getting there,- better and better after every “down trip” 🙏🧡.

And she have found her drawing book and colours too during the last days,- a very, very good sign that her mind and soul is starting to heal more and more. I’m so happy and grateful she’s starting to filling up the painful, black hole with colours 🎨🧡. And the inflation is getting better, but I know there still will be days that that one can be painful again.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊.

Sometimes the pain inside can feel like a painful, open, black hole inside you that needs to be fixed or filled up with something,- it’s just not always easy to find out what.

Mental challenges can feels like a inflamed sore inside, or like a big, black, painful hole that’s needs to be filled up with something so the pain stops 🚫. My daughter has found her drawing book and her colours, and have slowly started to fill up the black, painful hole with colours 🎨. We all need different ways to find our own way for the treatment of our soul and mind 🧡🥀🙏.

#mentalhealth #treatment #differences #emotions #feelings #thougths #positivefocus #challenges #solutions #possibilities #lifestyle #healing #soul #mind #beingamammi #mydaugther #feelinggrateful