My daughter’s story: Pinocchio or a manipulator? 👃😳

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

There lives a tiny little Pinocchio in all of us 👃. For example if someone ask you “how you are” and you actually don’t feel very well, but still says “I’m okay”. Isn’t that a tiny, but innocent lie? Or if someone ask you about their dress, a dress they like, but you don’t like it, but still you tell this person that it is a nice dress. Because you don’t want to hurt this person.

It’s many reasons for why we choose to take a tiny, innocent lie in different situations, and during the day. Many times it’s because we feel a need to “protect” our self, or that “all and everyone” doesn’t need to know “all and everything” about us. Or we don’t want to hurt someone else and want to actually protect them.

There are white lies, grey lies and black lies. And we all in general take a tiny little lies during the day even when we actually don’t notice it. It’s in the human nature- like it or not.

But,- I will not write either a possible dissertation on lying , or Pinocchio.  But lies are a part of us, a little innocent Pinocchio lives in all of us – every day.

And must of us know Pinocchio. The story about this tiny little tree doll, and his famous nose that grows when he lies.

An ancient story that is as useful today as when it was written in 1883. There are different ways to both understand, interpret and use the story of Pinocchio.

A story used in relation to upbringing, and also what different consequences bad behavior can lead to.

It’s a good story, at least I like the story and when I did “caught” me kids in lying when they was younger I told them that they did “took a tiny Pinocchio”. And when I take a tiny little lie my self,- I also admit I take a tiny Pinocchio.

I didn’t have any Pinocchio doll- this was the closest one.

Like I mention,- there is a tiny little Pinocchio in all of us every day,- but what about an manipulator? Is that also something we all are? Maybe,- but then in a very harmless way 🤔?

To manipulate someone means to lead or influence someone in a specific and desired direction, often in a hidden way. It also means changing something in a cunning way so that something will serve one’s own purposes.

Recognizing an innocent and harmless Pinocchio may not always be difficult?  But it is not as easy to recognize or distinguish between a manipulator, psychopath, sociopath or maybe even a sometimes a narcissist?  The last one is perhaps not so bad – it is only concerned with itself?

I myself have read a lot about both psychopaths and sociopaths, and lately also about manipulators – which I may think, based on my own experiences with NC (and also my ex cohabitant 10 years back in time) is the description that  best suited to what kind of person he is (and my ex as well).  At least he is not an innocent Pinocchio.

There is no specific type of manipulator – they comes in all shapes, colors and sizes, common = deliberately manipulate in a negative sense – is looking for an advantage for himself/ herself- and does not go out of his way to exploit someone emotionally to achieve it.

Appears as sympathetic, empathetic, fair and smart, changing strategies when it notices it is about to be discovered, and “spiced” it all up with “confusion” lies, or even worse- lies that’s absolutely could an can be true- but you don’t know it before you actually check it up.

I did met one kind of manipulator for around 10- 11 years ago, and my daughter met an other kind during this year. The focus will, of course, be on the one she did meet.

But what is it that generally describes (or explains) a manipulator?

* repetitive behavior that leaves you with an uncomfortable feeling * spends a lot of energy on flattering and impressing you * brags about himself * plays on your weaknesses * lets you feel the need, need and longing * takes on the role of victim * builds you up and breaks you down  again, preferably in front of others * puts responsibility on others * sets people up against each other * changes theme when there is a danger of negative light on them

This is what characterizes a manipulator. And NC (Nathaniel Caprino Engbråten) “scores” on each of this.

I’m not going to “explain” with examples each “description” for how this characterizes NC. There will anyway come up different examples during the nexts textes anyway.

And all this lies. I have no idea what’s true or not from different things he has said or told.

He used a lots of energy to flattering my daughter as well as me. I didn’t “bought” it all and I also told my daughter that “this and this” he just told me because he want to impress me because I’m your mammi.

He brag a lot about him self,- it’s just to take a look at his Instagram account or Facebook account- he knows what he has done,- but still there’s no shame at all. He is still “show” him self of in “the best” “posture” he can and “posting” “cool” photos of himself. Well I can’t see them anymore because he has blocked me 😅.

My daughter was exposed for physical violence one year ago, and then he told her, he told me as well, his even more “teardropping” story about his dad that was beaten him (and his mom) so much up that they closely died. And a “teardopping” story about a really awful childhood. Of course this can be true- I have actually no idea what’s true or not true when it comes to him. But I do find out more and more about many things that’s not true.

Like some of you know my daughter had selective mutisme when she was younger- something that means she is not the biggest fan to be in places with to much people- he used this against her and called her boring. After “build” her up and told her so many sweet and nice things.

And when my daughter didn’t want to use their the last 10 euro on “party party”, but food, she was not very social and did “choose” to not “live the life”.

This is just some very, very few examples. I actually can’t tell them all- it’s so many 😳.

And all this lies- this confusion lies and stories that can or could or maybe is true….or not- not when we start to “pull them a part”. But in general when you meet people- you’re not starting to pull stories apart or question all and everything. Special not stories that seem natural to be true- like for example that he had been working at customer service senter in Greece, or maybe tell you that he have ADHD?

To move from Greece could be natural enough because of the circumstances- pandemi and not a very good economy in the country. And yes,- his “behaviour” could be very similar with ADHD- but now I actually think his behaviour is more because of who he is- not what he have.

But in July I started questioning and discussed things about this man, this NC, with some of my friends- there was so many things I couldn’t manage to “fit together” anymore- but since he was my daughter’s boyfriend I was a bit more careful to question to much to her, and she was also sick with Covid19, so she would use the days sleeping and not being or answering the phone.

In the beginning of August I really started to questions things about him and around him. He didn’t like that very much.

And in September he really didn’t like me very much at all 😅, because he ment I was trying to destroy for him, his plans, his life.

From NC’s Instagram account- “fornøyd” means “pleased”

I couldn’t manage to not comment this one- my comment is of course deleted by NC- because he ment I did try to “destroy” his life with my comment.

My comment is like this: “... but then it should not be a problem to pay back the x number of euros that you owe? …. it’s just to pledge the clock there then more people will be pleased….”. He was not very happy for that comment- special because it’s true- he owe so many people so much money, and I can’t understand why he even take the chance to post that he own a watch like this when he knows that there many people he owe money, have destroyed a part of their life? It’s not even sure this watch is his, but belongs to someone else.

I did found out that he didn’t had a job, like he told me, and my daughter too, that he had. And he also managed to post on his Facebook page and asked for “investors”. I told him that that’s not a way to “ask” for serious “investors”- this is just a scam. And I did manage to not make any comments on that one either,- but I did try my very best to make a nice comment 😅:

Like you know- I’m actually blocked from  to have any access to his Facebook and Instagram- but I was starting to take photos at this time- because there was to much, to many things that’s didn’t “fit together” anymore.

My comments here is just: “Instead, get a stable job- and get things done.” Of course that was not very popular either- to try to “destroy” his possibility to get “investors”.

When he got a new job in the end of September he actually needed to send me the confirmation letter about the job, and I actually double check with the company that this was true. At that point it was- but NC did also knew at that point, that my trust for his words was on a non exciting level anymore. ( BTW he lost that job after just a few weeks )

He called me and tried to “explain” for me- I just told him that all I hear is just a lots of “bla bla bla”- the only thing I believe in when it comes to you now is actions. Not your words at all. But show that you take a kind of responsibility- all his “bla- bla- bla”, his “stories”, his “explanations” didn’t effect me at all anymore.

In the beginning of October I asked my daughter to move back home to me. After some days of thinking she was agree with me that a week or two in my home probably would do her good- that’s also a reason why she didn’t took all her things with her when she came. But after some days in my home she decided to just stay here. And then it was a new challenge- to manage to get the rest of her things. I’m coming back to that “story” in another text 😊.

Anyway,- NC is not a innocent Pinocchio lier, that’s for sure.

Just during the last two weeks he has been on “the way” to Asia, Barcelona, Greece, Netherlands and “obviously” yesterday he did travel to Munich in Germany. If he did? I don’t know. But that he is trying to “run of” from Spain now at days- yes- of course. There’s less and less people here on “the cost” he can trust, and he have also an upcoming court case in just a couple of days. That can probably not be to fun? 🤔

2019

The stories will keep coming, so stay updated! ( a comment from my daughter- she reads through all my textes about her story before I post them- so she feel I tell her story as best as I can and as correctly as possible)

I did lie to Natasja in her birthday the 9. October when she did asked me how thing was with my daughter. I did lie because I was in her birthday party with a lots of her friends around and a nice dinner on the table. I couldn’t start telling her “all and everything” under circumstances like that. But I need to admit it didn’t felt very good- because she is one of my best friends. And I told her that “all was fine” when I knew all was not fine at all.

I have also taken a “tiny Pinocchio” to other friends and family for protection my daughter, and I haven’t been quite honest in my textes during October and November when I did write “it’s only work ” that takes so much of my time- I do work a lot now that’s true, but I have also some other things to “deal” with as you maybe understand? To help my daughter as best as I can, and I also have two more young adults children I need to give some of my attention too.

I’m lying if I say that this fall has been and felt easy.  I’m lying if I say I’m not so, so tired.  I’m lying if I say I do not feel old.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog 🧡

See you soon 😊

There’s a tiny little innocent Pinocchio in all everyone- every day. It’s the human nature- and often it’s about a kind of protection.

There’s a tiny little innocent Pinocchio in all of us- every day. It’s in the human nature- like it or not 🌾. I’m lying if I say that this fall has been and felt easy.  I’m lying if I say I’m not so, so tired.  I’m lying if I say I do not feel old. And then we have those who lies about all and everything- and squeeze in some manipulation too 👃🙄.

#lie #manipulation #lifeis #thelife #experiences #mydaugther #mydaugthersstory #beingamammi #emotiens #differences #difficultsituation #humannatur #NathanielCaprinoEngbråten #NathanielCaprino #caprinomusic #challenges #unfortunately #nofilter

My daughter’s story

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I know it is some days between my posts and it’s a reason for that- called “the life”. Things and situations in life that affects us and our time in different forms, shapes and area. Like my daughter’s story. And then it’s not easy to manage “all and everything”,- at least I don’t manage to do “all and everything” like, unfortunately, use my time to write in my blog at the moment, and a couple of more things 😔.

Her story, my daughter’s story, the story about why she is back in my nest she, me, we together has chosen to share it with you. But in our own way, splitted up on a couple of textes and posts. Something that means you will gets different parts of her story. Why we choose to share it part by part it’s because in general a story is in parts, but we often don’t think about it or see it. In one story it can be several small stories.

Just a tiny little “hands up”- of course there will be some “repit repit” in the different stories, just so you know. But that’s because they are natural enough connected to each other. At the same time it was a bit to much to tell you all in once, also for me as the writer and her mammi as well as for my daughter as the “story teller” and the one who have really lived and experience the story.

And by the way, she didn’t moved into my home in the end of October or the beginning of November when I posted she was back in my nest. She moved in closely straight after I was finish with my students and their exams in the middle of October.

But we needed to sort things out, organize, get an overview and also a get kind of distance before we, special she, was ready to share her story. But like I mention- share her story in our own way.

When my daughter moved back home to me she come pretty much “empty handed”, except from a couple of bags with clothes, some shoes and her toilet bag, and her job computer. When I write “empty handed” she had left different things in the apartment she did share with her, now, ex boyfriend, because the plan was to pick up this things a bit later. And it’s also a limit for how much she could manage to carry on her own as well as put in a taxi. I was working so I couldn’t help her- and she knew that. But I could pay the taxi for her and also help her out when I was off from work.

We have manage to pick up most of her things- but that’s a story in an other text.

“Empty handed” means also she had lost all her money. Not just lost them, her ex boyfriend, I’m going to continue call him NC- his name is Nathaniel (Caprino) Engbråten; had actually used her money little by little, but also stolen her money as well as misused her bank account information.

All her savings was gone, even all the cents she had put away in a box did he took. He had actually empty her for more and less all the cents she had in her box- except from 25 cent I did find a bit “here and there” when I did cleaned up the apartment they did rent. Also coming up in another text.

When I say used her savings little by little he used her money for food and Uber, and drinks and fun ( and probably drugs too) and with a promise to pay her back, because he was also working. Or was he actually working? 🤔 It’s difficult to know what’s true or not true when it comes to this man.

Like some of you know my daughter was very sick with Covid19 this summer so, unfortunately, it was easy for him to get her credit card information. And unfortunately not so easy for her to have control or to do to much at that time with the situation because she was to sick. And now she is struggling with this long Covid as well.

When she moved in to my home, she cried and what she said was that she felt NC has not just stolen all her money, but her whole life. Imagine what kind of feeling to feel that someone have stolen your life. I know exactly how that feels- because I have my own experiences when it comes to feel that someone actually steal your life.

She did felt on guilt and shame and that all her dignity was gone. And she is very frustrated over the situation, more frustrated and sad then angry. She feels on a very big lost. Her life. Not the boyfriend- she’s very happy he is an ex boyfriend. Me too- very, very happy for that.

Guilt because she “let” him do this. But like I told her- she was sick, and she does still struggling with long Covid19, so it’s a limit for how much she could manage to do.

She felt on shame because she did believed him, believed his stories. Trusted him when he “promised” to pay her back for what he did “borrow” when she was laying down filled up with fever and a virus tumbling around in her body.

And her dignity- she is a young woman with a pretty good economic control, but suddenly she didn’t had any control at all over her own money. And she had worked so hard to put of savings to a new passport, and for a train trip to the Norwegian Embassy in Madrid, dentist, plane ticket to Norway, spending money to her holiday in Norway and a new mobile phone. All was gone, every little cent was gone. So at the moment,- no new passport yet, no train ticket to Madrid, no holiday to Norway, no dentist, no spending money, no mobile phone. But we need to fix this passport as soon as possible as well as train ticket to Madrid and a new mobile phone to her. I’m trying my very best to help her at the same time as I support her.

She is really starting on zero again. The “lucky” thing is that it’s at least zero and not on a minus. But there has been, very natural enough, some tears fallen from my daughter’s eyes during the firsts weeks she moved back home to me. And many tears in my mammi heart because it’s hard to see your child in so much mental pain and it’s not very much I can do to remove her pain either. The money is probably long gone- she will never see them again. But I’m trying my very best to help her with what I can help her with.

She did manage to call into the bank and try to stop the transactions, but because of a delay in the system he – NC- actually manage to empty a bit more 😳. It was a delay between her call to her bank account and when her bank account actually was closed. This is- phu- something she also can show to the police and the bank- the time when she did call in for stopping the transactions and the time all was stopped, closed down.

And the police,- yes! This time she did went to the police and reported him. It’s going to be a court case in the beginning of December. And she is though now- I don’t think any man can fool around with her anymore.

And the police treated her so well. Also when she explained about the different mental issues NC has exposed her for the police took her very seriously and also had a back up team for women that also has been exposed for mental violence and not just physical violence.

We have been visiting the police station a couple of times during the lasts weeks 👮‍♂️. But I hope it will be a time before I need to call the emergency number again 😳. But a good thing is that my daughter’s limit to contact the police now is very low. It doesn’t cost her anything to call in something that’s not correct, right or not legal when it come to her, her life and things that’s happen in her life or around her.

But the thing is,- she isn’t so alone in this situation and this story as she first believed. Really not. But she is one of very few that went to the police and reported NC- maybe it will comes more police reports now? After she went to the police suddenly more and more stories about NC “rolled up”. Stories that have happen 3 years ago, maybe even more.

Young girls and young boys that had the same experiences, but they didn’t went to the police because of the shame, because of their lost dignity, because they felt stupid and alone in their situation. Something they are not. But to meet an manipulator does something not very good your mind and soul,- I know.

And even it’s a sad situation for this young girls and boys- I’m actually glad they have each other. It’s just a comfort to actually know you are not alone and the only one in this situation.

My daughter did loose totally “only” around 5000 euro, and there’s many other girls and boys that have lost their money “because” of him, as well as their dignity. Because of the ways he use their credit card information and bank account information, and because of all his lies and not true stories. The way he treated them.

He is police reported now- and my daughter feel relieved because the police took her so seriously and because she is absolutely not alone in this sad- bad economic situation. But there’s still many steps to walk.

This was a short summary of this part of my daughter’s story. It’s, unfortunately, closely impossible to write it all down. But I, we, will try our best to tell you it all – in a short summary version, little by little,- step by step, day by day 📝.

I’m proud of my daughter that went to the police and I’m proud of her for the way she deals with the situation at the same time as she also still struggling with long Covid19 and do her work as best as she can. And she doing good, very good- but I will come back to that story too – an other day 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

My daughter’s box where she sampled and save her cent for “better days” was also empty 😔

Imagine how it feels if someone steel all your money? It wouldn’t be a very good feeling. Then imagine how if feels if you feel someone have stolen your whole life from you 💔.

#dignity #lifeis #thelife #caprinomusic #NathanielCaprinoEngbråten #Nathanielengbråten #Nathanielcaprino #steelinglife #steel #money #challenges #difficultsituation #mydaugther #beingamammi #hardtime #Covid19 #mydaugthersstory #thestory