I’m not ready for this …. again 😳😅

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

During the two last years I have had some kind of “moving in and moving out” process mostly every second or third month in my home. Then it has been to reorganize the home as best as possible to get room and space for both the people and their things and stuffs, as well as my own.

This last moving situation was my own, and that’s around 3 months ago.

My plans changes every time in a situation like this, this “moving out and moving in”- situation, and its delays my plans too….. and unfortunately, I use time to “get back in business” again as well, to “find” my routines again. Or even find a new routine. I don’t know if this is “normal” for “all and everyone”,- but for me it takes a bit time to get back in my “normal” routines after a “moving in and moving out” situation.

In general it’s my children that’s move in and out, and now and then some friends of them too. So “here we go again” 😅.

I manage to live “on my own” for around 10 weeks this time before I got a “child” dropping by with bags and boxes, and a dog and a friend too.

And I got 2 weeks “notice” before they just come “rumbling” into my home with all their stuffs.

Some of ny oldest son’s bags stable in the livingroom at the moment

I need to admit a couple of things when it comes to this last “moving in” – situation,- I did actually cry a bit, for myself, alone in my bed, because I wasn’t and I’m not ready for this again- reorganize my home, live inbetween boxes and bags, “put my life” as well as plans “on hold” for a tiny while….again, and Im not ready to live together with anyone at the moment, to be honest, closely not even my children at the moment.

I know it sounds awful, and I feel awful too, because I feel it like this. But unfortunately it’s still the truth.

And I didn’t see it’s coming either, this “moving in”. I actually thought I was more and less finish with this “moving in and out” situation for a very long time. But obviously not.

It’s my oldest son, his dog and a friend of him that “moved” into my home for around 2 weeks ago.

I know that wasn’t their plan either, and it was really not my plan,- that’s for sure. But of course I’m helping my child, my children as best as I can with the possibility I can and have. But I told them they could just stay a couple of weeks this time, and use this weeks to find another “living” solutions.

And my oldest son knows I’m not to happy with this “solution” and situation, at the same time he knows I really, really love him, unconditional ❤. I just don’t want to live together with him any more 😅. And my son knows about this text, it’s not a secret for him that I actually wasn’t overwhelmed  by happiness for living  together with him again 😅- and he is also looking forward to not live together with me,- but it was and is necessary at the moment for him to do this 🧡.

My oldest son and his friend had actually a house they should move into, but suddenly the owner changed his mind. Not to let them rent, he chose to but put up the deposit from 2 months to 3 months 😳. And of course that’s not okay. And expensive too,- and the changes and possibilities for getting the 3 months deposit back when you are moving out is more and less, and unfortunately, a “lost case” here in Spain. And maybe even more now at days in this corona- situation and the economic situation the pandemi has “created”, then it was before.

The house or apartment you are moving out from can be in perfect order, but still the owner will find “something”, some kind if reason to not pay back the deposit. Of course there are rules and rights for this, to get back the deposit,- but it can be a long and struggling way to go.

I don’t say this is the way for all and everyone, but yes, in general when you are renting a place to live here in Spain you can just say “Goodbye” to the deposit you did pay. Like I mention,- there are rules and rights also for the one who is renting,- but the process can be long and difficult,- and yes,- we live in Spain 😉. To have rules and rights and to practice the rules and rights can be two very different things.

Anyway,- my oldest son, his lovely dog, Zorro and his friend are “camping” over in my home now at days, and I’m not to happy with the situation at all. At the same time as I struggling with feelings like being a bad and selfish mammi who want to live her own life now. I feel on guilt because I’m not very happy over this “moving in”, and it’s my child too. But for my children I try to do as best as I can to help them out, even when I’m not to happy for the situation.

I think the “worst” thing this time is that I live together with someone I don’t want to live together with anymore,- my son’s friend. I have lived together with him before, twice…..and it went okay,- and he is an okay guy,- but not “my kind of guy” or my kind of friend or my kind of living together partner.

Short summary,- he doesn’t do very much, but still except to be “served”. And have even a tiny challenge to say “Thank you” when he gets served.

Some people it’s just like they have a straw into your soul and just “drinking” out the energy. I don’t know if you have any experience with that kind of people?

I understand my oldest son and his friend’s friendship, and why they are friends, but still it’s not my kind of friend or friendship. And I actually think this is more “hard and heavy” for me to live together with this friend then to live just with my son and his dog. Maybe things has felt a bit more easier if it was just thise two that moved in? I think so.

Zorro,- my son’s dog is a very happy and easy dog- so he is actually not the biggest “challenge” now at days 😊. Probably I’m the biggest challenge to be honest 😅. A grumpy mammi 😅

They are all three moving out next week . I feel and felt bad for giving them a “time limit” to find another living solution then to stay in my home “forever”. But I have also plans and things I want to do,- kind of life where I m not just a mammi anymore……a life on my own, without any responsibility for someone else.

I need to admit I don’t have the energy for this at the moment, this living together with my children, and even more together with someone I really don’t want to live together with, and I don’t want it like this either. I need a bit of time on my own now, do my things, live my life, be just me, not the mammi- me. “Fille up” with some other kind of energies for awhile so I probably can “handle” a situation like this a bit better next time then I did and do this time.

A colleague of my told me that my children obviously and probably likes to live with me, and enjoys being around me a bit.  And that I am lucky to have children who come home, and home and home again. It’s not for all parents to actually have this kind of “opportunity” to spend this kind of time together with their children, or even be liked so much by their children. And I see and understand what she mean, and of course feel even more bad then, and a bit shameful too,- just because I actually it’s and wasn’t to happy with this “moving in” situation this time.

I’m actually incredibly lucky, I know that ❤. So there has been a lots of mixed feelings around my “living together situation” this time. Guilt, shame, feeling as a bad mammi, feeling selfish at the same time as I also want to help my child and my children ❤.

And this menopause doesn’t make the situation better or easier either to be honest. I really like and want to be alone when that one is “fucking up” with my brain. And I told my son that too. I know he doesn’t understand, but okay,- it is what it is.

I think maybe if you are a parent with grown up children, or young adults children, you know and understand why I feel the way I feel when it comes to this “moving in” again situation? Or is it just me?

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡.

See you soon 😊

A bit stuffs and things here and there,- and the friend need to camp on the sofa. I didn’t had or have any other solutions at the moment. I can’t reorganize “all an everything” either.

I need to admit that I wasn’t ready or to happy for this “moving in” situation a couple of weeks ago, and unfortunately I’m still not. At the same time I feel on guilt and shame and being a bad mammi. At the same time as I of course want to help my child, and i do feel grateful too. So you can say,- it is a bit of mixed feelings at the moment 😳😅.

#children #mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #movingout #movingin #lifeis #livinginspain #Norwegian #feelingshameful #feelingbad #feelinggrateful #changes #challenges #menopause #midlife #lifeexperiences