I’m not ready for this …. again 😳😅

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

During the two last years I have had some kind of “moving in and moving out” process mostly every second or third month in my home. Then it has been to reorganize the home as best as possible to get room and space for both the people and their things and stuffs, as well as my own.

This last moving situation was my own, and that’s around 3 months ago.

My plans changes every time in a situation like this, this “moving out and moving in”- situation, and its delays my plans too….. and unfortunately, I use time to “get back in business” again as well, to “find” my routines again. Or even find a new routine. I don’t know if this is “normal” for “all and everyone”,- but for me it takes a bit time to get back in my “normal” routines after a “moving in and moving out” situation.

In general it’s my children that’s move in and out, and now and then some friends of them too. So “here we go again” 😅.

I manage to live “on my own” for around 10 weeks this time before I got a “child” dropping by with bags and boxes, and a dog and a friend too.

And I got 2 weeks “notice” before they just come “rumbling” into my home with all their stuffs.

Some of ny oldest son’s bags stable in the livingroom at the moment

I need to admit a couple of things when it comes to this last “moving in” – situation,- I did actually cry a bit, for myself, alone in my bed, because I wasn’t and I’m not ready for this again- reorganize my home, live inbetween boxes and bags, “put my life” as well as plans “on hold” for a tiny while….again, and Im not ready to live together with anyone at the moment, to be honest, closely not even my children at the moment.

I know it sounds awful, and I feel awful too, because I feel it like this. But unfortunately it’s still the truth.

And I didn’t see it’s coming either, this “moving in”. I actually thought I was more and less finish with this “moving in and out” situation for a very long time. But obviously not.

It’s my oldest son, his dog and a friend of him that “moved” into my home for around 2 weeks ago.

I know that wasn’t their plan either, and it was really not my plan,- that’s for sure. But of course I’m helping my child, my children as best as I can with the possibility I can and have. But I told them they could just stay a couple of weeks this time, and use this weeks to find another “living” solutions.

And my oldest son knows I’m not to happy with this “solution” and situation, at the same time he knows I really, really love him, unconditional ❤. I just don’t want to live together with him any more 😅. And my son knows about this text, it’s not a secret for him that I actually wasn’t overwhelmed  by happiness for living  together with him again 😅- and he is also looking forward to not live together with me,- but it was and is necessary at the moment for him to do this 🧡.

My oldest son and his friend had actually a house they should move into, but suddenly the owner changed his mind. Not to let them rent, he chose to but put up the deposit from 2 months to 3 months 😳. And of course that’s not okay. And expensive too,- and the changes and possibilities for getting the 3 months deposit back when you are moving out is more and less, and unfortunately, a “lost case” here in Spain. And maybe even more now at days in this corona- situation and the economic situation the pandemi has “created”, then it was before.

The house or apartment you are moving out from can be in perfect order, but still the owner will find “something”, some kind if reason to not pay back the deposit. Of course there are rules and rights for this, to get back the deposit,- but it can be a long and struggling way to go.

I don’t say this is the way for all and everyone, but yes, in general when you are renting a place to live here in Spain you can just say “Goodbye” to the deposit you did pay. Like I mention,- there are rules and rights also for the one who is renting,- but the process can be long and difficult,- and yes,- we live in Spain 😉. To have rules and rights and to practice the rules and rights can be two very different things.

Anyway,- my oldest son, his lovely dog, Zorro and his friend are “camping” over in my home now at days, and I’m not to happy with the situation at all. At the same time as I struggling with feelings like being a bad and selfish mammi who want to live her own life now. I feel on guilt because I’m not very happy over this “moving in”, and it’s my child too. But for my children I try to do as best as I can to help them out, even when I’m not to happy for the situation.

I think the “worst” thing this time is that I live together with someone I don’t want to live together with anymore,- my son’s friend. I have lived together with him before, twice…..and it went okay,- and he is an okay guy,- but not “my kind of guy” or my kind of friend or my kind of living together partner.

Short summary,- he doesn’t do very much, but still except to be “served”. And have even a tiny challenge to say “Thank you” when he gets served.

Some people it’s just like they have a straw into your soul and just “drinking” out the energy. I don’t know if you have any experience with that kind of people?

I understand my oldest son and his friend’s friendship, and why they are friends, but still it’s not my kind of friend or friendship. And I actually think this is more “hard and heavy” for me to live together with this friend then to live just with my son and his dog. Maybe things has felt a bit more easier if it was just thise two that moved in? I think so.

Zorro,- my son’s dog is a very happy and easy dog- so he is actually not the biggest “challenge” now at days 😊. Probably I’m the biggest challenge to be honest 😅. A grumpy mammi 😅

They are all three moving out next week . I feel and felt bad for giving them a “time limit” to find another living solution then to stay in my home “forever”. But I have also plans and things I want to do,- kind of life where I m not just a mammi anymore……a life on my own, without any responsibility for someone else.

I need to admit I don’t have the energy for this at the moment, this living together with my children, and even more together with someone I really don’t want to live together with, and I don’t want it like this either. I need a bit of time on my own now, do my things, live my life, be just me, not the mammi- me. “Fille up” with some other kind of energies for awhile so I probably can “handle” a situation like this a bit better next time then I did and do this time.

A colleague of my told me that my children obviously and probably likes to live with me, and enjoys being around me a bit.  And that I am lucky to have children who come home, and home and home again. It’s not for all parents to actually have this kind of “opportunity” to spend this kind of time together with their children, or even be liked so much by their children. And I see and understand what she mean, and of course feel even more bad then, and a bit shameful too,- just because I actually it’s and wasn’t to happy with this “moving in” situation this time.

I’m actually incredibly lucky, I know that ❤. So there has been a lots of mixed feelings around my “living together situation” this time. Guilt, shame, feeling as a bad mammi, feeling selfish at the same time as I also want to help my child and my children ❤.

And this menopause doesn’t make the situation better or easier either to be honest. I really like and want to be alone when that one is “fucking up” with my brain. And I told my son that too. I know he doesn’t understand, but okay,- it is what it is.

I think maybe if you are a parent with grown up children, or young adults children, you know and understand why I feel the way I feel when it comes to this “moving in” again situation? Or is it just me?

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡.

See you soon 😊

A bit stuffs and things here and there,- and the friend need to camp on the sofa. I didn’t had or have any other solutions at the moment. I can’t reorganize “all an everything” either.

I need to admit that I wasn’t ready or to happy for this “moving in” situation a couple of weeks ago, and unfortunately I’m still not. At the same time I feel on guilt and shame and being a bad mammi. At the same time as I of course want to help my child, and i do feel grateful too. So you can say,- it is a bit of mixed feelings at the moment 😳😅.

#children #mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #movingout #movingin #lifeis #livinginspain #Norwegian #feelingshameful #feelingbad #feelinggrateful #changes #challenges #menopause #midlife #lifeexperiences

A year ago ❤🛫

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Today it’s a year since my middle son did moved to Norway 🧡. A year since I have hugged him and kissed him.

I’m not the only mammi that haven’t been able to kiss and hug my child, my young adult child, in a year. And that’s because of this corona- situation.

I really miss him. Miss to have him around me, not live together, but just be able to see him now and then, like I did when he was living in Spain. To hug him, kiss him.

I’m very grateful for the possibility to text him, talk with him and see him on “facetime” like WhatsUp and Messenger. And I know all is fine with him up there in Norway ❤.

He have a job, he is soon finish with the driving license, he is training football and exercises, he is spending time together with family and friends, and has even found an apartment he wants to buy 😊.

His plan was to visit me, us, here in Spain during this summer, but it became a bit difficult because of different restrictions during travelling to Spain from Norway. Special Spain. Because Spain has, and in a way still is, a very “red” country for Norway when it’s comes to the corona- situation.

Hopefully he will be able to visit me in Spain during this Autumn, but I don’t know yet, we don’t know yet.

A year goes fast and still so slow, and we do manage to “put in” all kind of different experiences during a year. In one way this year has went fast, in another when it comes to my middle son, I feel it’s like forever since I hugged him ❤.

I’m very grateful all is fine with him, he is healthy and he is enjoying his life, he is a young adult and it’s natural that he lives his own life, but sometimes it’s a bit to fare away. I’m a bit to fare away from him, he is a bit to fare away from me ❤. But this is life, special during this corona- situation.

I miss my middle son, I think of him every day, I text him, and I’m so lucky that I’m able to “see” him and at least give him some “air” – kisses and “air” hugs during Messenger or What’s Up ❤. It’s not for all mammi’s to be able to do that.

And I’m incredibly grateful he is doing well up there in Norway ❤. He is happy in his life, he is enjoying his life ❤. And I’m incredibly proud of him and proud he is my son and proud to be his mammi ❤.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

This photo was taken one year ago at the airport in Malaga/ Spain- my middle son and me ❤ A photo that tells more then any words can say ❤

One year ago my middle son did moved to Norway, and I haven’t been able to see him, hug him or kiss him during this year ❤. I really miss him, but at the same time I’m very grateful he is doing well and is happy in his life❤. And I’m very grateful for things like What’s Up and Messenger too ❤.

#mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #Norwegian #Norway #mychildren #mymiddleson #proudmammi #coronasituation #mysoninthemiddle #feelinggrateful #unconditionallove

A little bit hot, yes 🌞🌡

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I get “always” a bit supriced when we comes to August and the summer temperatures gets a bit “sky high” here in Spain 🌡. After living in Spain for 8 years I know August is a bit “hot” month, but I, in general, never remember how hot it’s actually can be 🌞.

This year I know it has been a bit higher temperature then before, and what’s in general is “normal” at this time of the year. There has been a “tiny” heat wave during the last week here in Spain, and yes it felt like a wave of heat too 🌊.

I like, no, not just like, I love the summertime, the sun, the beach (or even the pool) and actually that the temperature gets a bit higher during the summertime. But I need to admit that the last week was even a bit to high for me 🌞.

A wonderful sunrise at the train station one morning- and it’s going to be a nice, warm day…..even a bit “up heated” day too….🌞🌡

I really understand the concept “siesta” here in Spain now, because I needed to have a siesta every day after work this week 😴. And it has been a bit difficult to do to much then just the most necessary like do my job, drink a lots of water, eat, cool down in the ocean or under a cold shower 🚿. It’s incredibly how tired it’s possible to be when it’s over 40 degrees and maybe even a bit more then that during the day 😅. And the humidity does not help either, because it has not been directly low either.

Painting, writing, reading, be focused on something to long, even clean the house or wash clothes has been a tiny challenge to do, or knit 😅. But watch a movie or three like s zombie are going very well 😅.

Like I mention, – I have been living in Spain for 8 years now, but this August is the first year I have invested in a air conditioning on wheels, not just invested, but used it every day too, special when I’m at my work as a costumer service agent on the phone ☎️. I need to, and I want to be focused on my job, and do a good job as possible even during very hot summerdays 🌡🌞. So then it was necessary to get a tiny little air conditioning on wheels so I at least did (and can continue to do) a good job.

My tiny little air conditioning on wheels- a necessary investment during the last week 😊

I could probably count on one hand how many times I have used an air conditioning during this 8 years. But during this last week I can’t count it any more 😅.

I have been thinking it could be nice to put some of this heat on glasses for use to let a bit out now and then during the wintertime ❄. Special when we comes to February and March, maybe even a bit in January too. Because at that time of the year the temperature can be a bit opposite then now. Then it’s a bit cold. But, unfortunately, that’s not possible, that’s not the way it’s work 🍶.

The night sleep has also been a bit “cosmi comsa” too, to be honest, because I’m, my body isn’t use to have a over 2 hours power nap, or siesta during the daytime after my work.

And I’m not use to have any problems or challenges with sleeping during the nights, but that has been a challenge now. It’s not so hot on the nights as during the daytime, but still very warm. It can be the heat and the to long siesta that’s makes this challenges for my night sleep, or it can be the menopause. I actually don’t know. It can, of course also be a combination.

I have read somewhere that women in the menopause can get a challenge with the night sleep, but I don’t remember why. Different thoughts maybe? Or just the hormones changes that’s “plays” their own “games” during the night? But to be honest, I didn’t think the night sleep should be a challenge for me during menopause, because in general I just can go to bed, lay down and fell at sleep. But not during the last week 😳. I’m not use to that, to not be able to sleep. So of course I’m a bit extra tired because I don’t sleep very well during the nights.

I have even used a electricity fan outside when I have been outside in my cozy backyard “cafe” or at my sweet roof terrace 🌬. It has been necessary to just get a tiny bit “movement” in the air 🌬🌞. To get a “imagination” that the air became a tiny bit “cooler” ❄.

Are there climate changes that give us these different temperature fluctuations?  Or hot waves?  Major floods?  Landslides from the mountains?  And several other different natural challenges? 🤔. Probably. But this changes has been in the nature for thousands of years,- it all just happens a bit faster at the moment because of all the different changes we people have done around in the world, and in the atmosphere. And at the moment all I can do is to do the best of it. The changes. The challenges.

Hopefully it will be a bit better this upcoming week, a bit less heat wave, a bit lower temperature 🌞🌊. And a bit more energy and a bit more normal sleep too 😊.

But Im actually not complaining,- this is just the way it is at the moment. I feel very grateful for the possibility to actually be able to take a cold shower, to be able to buy a tiny little air conditioning on wheels, to be able to use a fan outside, to drink cold and fresh water and even feel the tiny fresh air from the ocean,- actually every day ❤. But maybe special during this last heat waved week in Spain. I’m feeling incredibly lucky ❤ for this different things and opportunities that’s, unfortunately, not are for all and everyone to have 😔

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog 🧡

See you soon 😊

My fan I use outside at the moment 😊

This last week has been a bit hot here in South of Spain 🌡🌞. I even needed to “invested” in a tiny little, but well- functional, air conditioning on wheels this summer 🌞. Until this week I could count how many times I have used an air conditioning during the years I have been living in Spain- I can’t say I can do that anymore 😊🌡🌞.

#climatechanges #airconditioning #heatwave #Spain #Norwegian #livinginspain #summertime #sun #temperature #investing #siesta #hot #warm #lifeis #menopause #midlife #gettingolder #positivefocus #lifeisgood #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky

2 weeks with training 🎧☎️😊

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I’m just finish 2 weeks of training in a new job. It’s still customer service agent on the phone, but for a new product and with some new CRM systems 📠.

It has been busy and hard, but not just because it’s a job for a new product, and I need to learn a bit about the product, and a new CRM system I need to learn to use too, but also because I’m actually older and learn in a bit different way then before. Maybe even in a other tempo as well.

And I needed to have the training at the office. I didn’t feel very comfortable with that. There’s a lots of good colleagues and people at the office, something that also means there’s a lots of different energies, and a possibility to be exposed for the coronavirus. And, unfortunately, I get very tired when it’s a mix of energies around me. And I have during the last year tried to do my best to avoid places where it’s a bigger chance to be exposed by the coronavirus. I have for example not been in a shopping centre since the Autumn 2019.

Like some of you maybe know, – Spain is at the moment a very “red” country on the map in Europe when it comes to the coronavirus. So I actually don’t need to do things on purpose to get the virus when it is like it is in the country at the moment. But when that’s said,- I’m not worried, I live my life, I enjoy my life and I meet up with my friends as well as testing out restaurants in the area, goes to the beach, goes to the stores and so on. But I’m careful and I follow the different restrictions, and I’m conscious about who, how, when and where 😊.

Most of the colleagues at my job are actually working from home at the moment. I think around 70 % are working from home, so of course there wasn’t to many people in the office, but still a bit. I’m working for a big company with many employees, so even when 70 % are working from home there’s still a bit of people left in the office. And a bit more people then I’m normally surrounded by.

I didn’t feel very comfortable with taking the train every morning either to my job and then back home again from my job. It’s a bit of people on the train too, and during this corona- situation I have tried my very best to avoid to be sourrende by to many people at the same time. Except from this two last weeks, and also last summer when I also worked at the office for a while. Like I mention, I’m very conscious about who, how many people and where I’m surrounded by people.

I actually did travel with a train 20 minutes earlier then I needed to travel with in the mornings just because I found out that the earlier train had less passengers then the train 20 minutes later 🚞.

I’m not the biggest fan of this coronavirus, and I try my very best to avoid to be exposed by the virus and the illness.

But okay,- sometimes it’s necessary to do what’s needed to keep up the flow,- like have a job 😊. And I’m very happy and grateful for this opportunity to still have a job and still be an employer for the company I’m working for 😊. And I’m going to continue to work from my home again too now, something I feel more comfortable to do even it’s a new job for a new product and CRM system, and I’m a very “newbie” in all of it, my “knowledge base” on the subject it’s not very much to brag about at the moment, but it will be better little by little, and I still feel healthy, just a bit tired 😅.

And, like I mention, I do different things in my time off from my job, I don’t live isolated or anything like that, I’m just more conscious now then before about when and where, who and how. And to be more conscious it’s not a problem or a challenge for me 😊.

I have actually learned to be more conscious about different things in my life and also about my self during this last “corona- year”.

And one of the things I’m more conscious about is my learning process. I learn differently now then before, and special when it’s something I need to learn but don’t have the most interest to learn 😅. I need to learn about this new product I’m customer service agent for, and I need to learn how to use the CRM system, but that’s because I’m interested to both do a good job as well as keep my job 😊. And I actually learn more when I’m working from my home and do the “studies” on my own with the possibility to ask for help if there’s something I don’t understand on the chatt platform Teams, then sit behind a desk in a environment together with other people and be teached.

When I sit in teaching environment I, unfortunately maybe, get bored and start to draw instead 😅. Drawing illustrations, images and different decorations I can use on the glassbottles or the canvas 🎨. I’m losing my focus. Maybe it’s the age ( my age) or maybe it’s the subject, I actually don’t know.

Like I mention, I have use the train to and back home from my job during the 2 last weeks. On purpose. It’s just a 5 minutes walk to the train station from my home, and it’s 2, 1 km to walk from the train station close to the office, and of course the same back again- but back again, it’s a bit up the hill walk 😅. I could used the bus too if I wanted. The bus stops just 1 minutes from my home and it’s stops closely outside the office.

When it comes to people in the bus or train it’s more and less the same.

When I use the train I can do some different errands in the town on my way back home, and I also get some exercise 🚶‍♀️🤸‍♀️. If I use the bus this is a bit more difficult to do. Of course I could do some exercises anyway when I was back home from the training, but after 8 hours with training I knew I was not going to do any kind of exercises. Maybe just a tiny walk or two at the beach. So then I choose “steps- and walk” exceriences instead to and back from my job 🚶‍♀️🤸‍♀️.

In the beginning I need to admit it was hard, special the “long” stairs up to the train station, and the “long” “up the hill- road” from the office 😳😊. But after some days it all went easier 😊. Maybe because I was getting a bit more “trained”, or maybe because I knew it was just less days left to take the stairs, and “up the hill” walk? I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter, because I felt good about myself with doing this “exercises” 😊. And, unfortunately, to do some exercises hasn’t been on my “priority list” for awhile even I know it’s so important, it has and is still on my “to do list”. But “to do” and “a priority”, then the priority comes first.

Exercises will come on my priority list very soon when the hottest summer heat is over in a couple of weeks 🌞 🌡.

So that’s actually more and less what I have been doing for the last two weeks,- been on training for a new job, done some stairs and walk exercises, eating and sleeping 😊.I haven’t had the energy to do so much more 😅. And missed my home office, of course- but I’m back home to my home office again now, and I will probably learn more about the new product I’m a customer service agent for and the new CRM system when I’m back in the “comfort zone” in my home 😊.

I really hope you have had some very nice weeks with or without any training or exercises, but hopefully still with some new experiences and knowledge 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

The stairs up to the train station- and there’s actually a couple of more behind the corner 🚶‍♀️😊,- a good place for some “steps” exercises that’s for sure 😊

I have had two weeks of training in two different ways for the last to weeks 😊. One kind of training for a new job, and an other kind of training every day to get to and back home from the office as well 🚶‍♀️🤸‍♀️. “Exercises” both my body and my brain a bit 😊🤸‍♀️. It was a bit hard, I need to admit that- but that’s the way it is if you want to keep up the flow in different areas in life 😊💛.

#newjob #training #exercise #work #newexperiences #gettingolder #midlife #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #coronavirus #feelinglucky #feelinggrateful

Do I have a plan? 🤔😊🥀

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I have got this question- “Do you have a plan?” a bit more then just a couple of times now after my children moved out from my home.

I’m not sure why I get this question ? 🤔 Don’t we all have one or another kind of a plan or three, maybe even more in and for our life? I had a plan before I became a mammi, some other plans in my life when I raised up my children, and some new plans now. But, yes, my different plans has changed a bit during both the years as well as when different things has happen in my life, as well as in our society. I think that’s normal? This changing in our plans? And it’s not even always we are changing our plans either, but things around us happens so the plans just changes a bit “on their own”.

So yes I had a plan, and I have a kind of a new plan too. Actually more then just one 😊. I just don’t like this question ” Do you have a plan?” to much, but that’s probably because I have got it a lot during the lasts months. And I can’t give any other good questions either, then just “Yes, I do- I do have plans, I just need to sort out a couple of things first”. But sometimes this can be a bit irritating question to get 🙄.

My plans at the moment goes a bit from day to day and not very much longer then one week at the time. Because the plan I had was not included any kind of moving this year, but obviously “someone” else had that plan for me.

So at the moment I feel I need to find a new “foothold” in a way in my life before I can start to work with to many and to “big” plans in my life. I felt I lost my “foothold”, the kind of “foothold” I had both when my children moved out as well as when I needed to move from one place to another too. It’s not there anymore, the “foothold” I had, but my “plans” are, my dreams, goals and wishes too. I just need to find a new and other way to try to “reach” them as well as work for them.

I hope that’s normal, and I hope that’s also okay that I don’t have “all and everything” in my new life and lifesituation “sorted out” at the moment?

I have plans,- a lots of plans too, in different forms and shapes and sizes and also area in my life 😊. But at the moment I choose to get my breath a bit back before I “get to work” with to much and to big plans 😊. Is that okay?

I have even created my own vision board some years ago with different goals, dreams, plans and wishes I do my best to reach in one or another way 🎨🤞🙏. And now and then I need to change something there, the plan, the goal or the way to reach what I want to reach 😊. But that’s fine, that’s okay, that’s the way it is. Then I try to create a new plan for my dreams, goals and wishes 😊.

Do you get this question a lot “Do you have any plans?” If you do,- do you tell “all and everyone” your different plans? Or do you just say “Yes, I do” or “No, I don’t”? And do you like to get this question? I’m fine with the question in general, but for some reason I have got it a lot the last months, so I’m a bit tired of it, special when my plans are in their own way are changing a bit too without to much help from me 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

My vision board – filled up with plans, goals and wishes I do my best to reach little by little, step by step 😊

I have different plans in my life, dreams, goals and wishes, but sometimes they are changing a bit to yo another direction then I had in my mind 😊. Then it’s just to try to “follow up” as best as I can 😊. I have even my own vision board so I can work as consciously I manage to reach my goals, plans, wishes and dreams 😊.

#visionboard #dreams #plans #wishes #goals #gettingolder #midlife #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #positivefocus #differences #imagenation