I feel on a kind of sadness 💙💙❤

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I feel on a kind of sadness inside me. Not sadness over new wrinkles or lighter hair, or hormones balance that’s changing. But a kind of sadness that an era in my life is over. The era to be a fulltime mammi. This is over.

I’m still my children’s mammi, I’m always going to be that, but not in the same way I have been for closely 27 years.

I’m actually not sad over the fact that my children are young adults and live on they own either,- but because an era in my life is over, and this time will never come back.

Maybe it sounds strange to feel on sadness, but at the same time still not be sad? Or feel in a kind of grief while not being grieving? But that’s still the way I feel inside me,- because I’m a mammi and because an era in my life is over for always.

I think it’s just someone who have been in the same situation as me that actually will understand what I mean- when it comes to feel on sadness and grief, but not be sad or grieving, because of a era in life is over.

It’s not like I go around and cry all the time, or want my children to move back home again. I’m good in that way,- this is something I feel inside me, in my heart, soul and thoughts, and it’s actually difficult to explain. And I allow myself to feel this without too much interference and influence from outsiders too.

I’m very grateful for all the time, the years, the memories my children and me have together ❤. And I know we will create new memories together too, but in a different way then before 😊.

The sadness is over a time that’s over. An incredible fantastic time together, but also an incredible busy and hard days as a single mammi. I don’t miss the business, at the same time I’m very happy I know I tried my very best to follow up and raise all my three children in different eras in their life ❤.

I hope, think, believe and actually see my children has got a lots of good things and stuffs in their “bagback” from growing up together with me 😊. But of course I also think about all the things I could and should done differently when they was children and growing up. As well as when they was teenagers and on their way to be young adults.

It’s many things I should wish I could done differently, at the same time as I can’t go back to the past and change anything. And I can’t bother myself with thoughts like that either- then I’m going to be “nuts” in my head.

What I can do is to be grateful for being their mammi and for the marvellous young adults they all three are become ❤. And I’m, as I mention, incredibly grateful for all our time and memories together ❤. But I’m also going to allow myself to feel on this sadness and a kind of grief I have inside me for an era in my life that’s over, and use the time I need to use on “this” feelings.

I know this sadness and feeling of grief will change and be different, but I’m using the time I need to “go through” this feeling of sadness and grief inside me in my own way. And like I mention, – it’s difficult to explain how, why and what I’m feeling, it’s just feelings inside me and an era in my life that’s are over together with my children, an era who will never come back, – and that’s the way it is, and that’s the way the life is too 💚.

And now I stand on the starts line to an new era in my life, and at the moment I choose to just stand there a bit too, on the starts line, and feel a bit over emotions and thoughts in relation to a time that is over, before I choose to find any new directions in my life, and start on a new era in my life 💚.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

A photo from a photo- so not the best photo,- but still from one of many best memories in my life as a mammi and together with my three children ❤. (I think this is around 12- 13 years ago) 😊

I stand on the starts line to an new era in my life, and at the moment I choose to just stand there a bit, on the starts line, and feel a bit over emotions and thoughts in relation to a time that is over, before I choose to find any new directions in my life, and start on a new era in my life 💚.

#era #raisingup #growingup #mammi #mammifeelings #gettingolder #Norwegian #feelings #thougths #livinginspain #lifeis #mychildren #happiness #joy #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky #sadness #lifeischanging #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #positivefocus

I have painted too 🎨🍾

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Of course I have painted winebottles during the Easter too 🎨. Actually I have painted at some canvas as well, but they are not finish yet.

Some years ago I painted a painting on canvas, more and less like a almond tree in bloom 🌸. My daughter’s best friend in Norway “fall in love” with the painting already before it was finished 😊. So, of course, when I was finish with the painting I sent it to Norway to her 😊.

Unfortunately I haven’t any photos from the painting when it was finished, but I still remember “the touch” this painting had, and hopefully still have 🥰. A soft touch of the Spring, and a touch of happiness and joy. I did like the painting very much myself 😊.

“The Almond Tree in Bloom”- under process 🎨

And I wanted to try to “catch” the more and less similar “touch” on a painted winebottle 🎨. So then I did try 😊.

The painted winebottle it’s not quite similar the canvas- but still I need to say I liked it 😊

At the canvas there’s the moon and at the winebottle is the sun. But still its almond flowers, – because it’s this time of the year the beautiful almond flowers are in bloom 🌸.

I’m going to sent this bottle to Norway too, to my daughter’s best friend up there in the north 💛. I’m not sure when it will be posted, and maybe my daughter can bring it to her as well when she is travelling to Norway for holiday next month? Anyway,- a solution will drop by in one or another way 😊.

Here you can see the whole motive all around the winebottle 😊

It was not the easiest bottle I have painted, but it was very fun to do. So maybe there will come some more bottles like this?😊

Some few details in the painted winebottle 🎨

And of course there’s lights in this bottle too. But it looks so much better in “the real life” then with my to not good mobile camera 😊.

The winebottle with lights inside – so much better “live” then on this photos 💡

I need to admit that I like this bottle as well as to paint in a bit different way and direction then many of my others glassbottles I have painted and created 🎨. That’s one of many fun things with create and paint, – I can play with colours and illustrations as I want. Create my own image and imagenation the way I want and suits me “there and then”. And there’s no “correct or wrong” when it comes to art. That feels good too 😊.

I hope my daughter’s friend will have the same joy with this bottle as I had when I painted it, but if course still a joy in two different ways 😊💛.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you 🧡 Thsnk you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

Look at this colorful bottle with a touch of the Spring of almond flowers in bloom 🌸

The Spring time is the time when the beautiful almond flowers are blooming. And I have try to “catch” the soft Spring- feelings the almond flowers gives with their soft colours on a winebottle 🌸.

#colors #create #creative #myart #art #oneofakind #winebottle #glassbottle #oilcolor #painting #gift #alomondflowers #blooming #illustration #imagenation #inspiration #joy #happiness #thespring 🌱

A fairytale blue flowers forest 🧚‍♀️🌲🧚‍♂️

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I’m finish with another glassbottle and this one is actually not painted to any special or specific one. No friends or no family 😊. I just painted it in between my other glassbottles when I was waiting for the paint to dry a bit 🎨.

I have been thinking a bit about maybe paint some glassbottles for sale too, not just to give away as present to people I care about 😊. And even give the different bottles a name or title?

I have remember to number most of the different glassbottles I have painted and give away. In case I became “rich and famous” on day 🤭. I have even a book I’m writing down the numbers and the name to whom has got the different bottles from me 😊. But I need to admit I was a bit lazy with this “kind of work” and numbers at my first glassbottles because I didn’t knew I was going to enjoy the painting at glassbottles as much as I do. And I had no imagination that I should been painting so many as I have done so fare 😊.

I have also been thinking about create a bit more different and a bit more creative photos to my glassbottles then I have done so fare. At the same time as I like to try to show how the bottles looks like in the light and also with lights inside 💡. The colours and design, the motives and illustrations. But it could be a bit boring to just use the white background all the time, at the same time as the white background gives in general the more “correct” colours. But today I did try out a bit other background with the glass bottle I’m calling “A fairytale blue flowers forest” 🧚‍♂️. It looks good, doesn’t it?

“A fairytale blue flowers forest”- size 25 cm high and 24 round 😊. Nr. LS AB 022

I think the name suits this winebottle perfectly 😊. In my imagination it looks like a fairytale blue flowers forest 🌲🥀. And I did really enjoy to paint it to 🎨.

Some few details from the winebottle 🎨

I like to try to paint different illustrations and images on my glassbottles as well as canvas. But often I’m “ending up” with flowers of any kind, or heart in different ways, settings , “shapes” and forms 🧡. I’m actually not sure why, and I’m actually not stressing to find any “why” either 😊. It is what it is,- and I have a great time when I’m painting 🎨. It’s relaxing and it makes my mind fly away, and it’s a kind of timeout for me too.

The winebottle around and around and around,- so you get a better imagination how it looks like 😊

Look how different at the same time “similar” the bottle is in different lights and “settings”. Pretty cool? 😊

The bottle with anx without sun, as well as with and without lights inside 💡

I actually really like my “A fairytale blue flowers forest”. It makes me smile and takes me to a nice and cozy fairytale where things are just relaxed and peaceful. What do you think? Does my winebottle looks like “A fairytale blue flowers forest” for you? Or does it create some other imaginations in your mind? 😊

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

“A fairytale blue flowers forest” in the dark evening and with lights inside- nice?😊

I like my “A fairytale blue flowers forest”. It makes me smile and takes me to a nice and cozy fairytale where things are just relaxed and peaceful. What do you think? Does my winebottle looks like “A fairytale blue flowers forest” for you? Or does it create some other imaginations in your mind? 😊 (ps- it’s more photos inside my text 😊)

#painting #colors #create #creative #myart #forsale #flowers #colorful #motives #bluecolors #lifeis #livinginspain #illustration #Norwegian #imagenation #inspiration #joy #happiness #timeout #relaxing #oilcolor #oneofakind #winebottle #glassbottle #positivefocus 🎨

A passport for travelling as well as for “identity” 😊 🚞

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

My passport has expired and I need to renew my passport. Before the corona- situation I could just travel to the Norwegian Consulate. This is more and less a 10 minutes train trip from my home. But because of the corona- situation I needed to travel to Madrid and the Norwegian Embassy there instead. A bit longer traintrip. Unfortunately the Norwegian Embassy just has open office hours for visitors and renewing of passport on Wednesdays now,- also because of the corona- situation. And, unfortunately, to get a Norwegian passport out of the country borders now at days cost a bit more too, and again, – because of the corona- situation.

In Norway we need to renew our passport every 10. year. So it’s actually 10 year since I got a new passport now at days.

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So my trip to Madrid was just because I needed to renew my passport. And for me it ment actually a bit more then just get a new passport. It’s 10 years since I got my last passport, and at that time I had meet “the Bump”. Some of you had read about him, some not. But it is the man that in his own way just dropped my off in Spain, he did never showed up. That was actually a good thing, but I was so “down in my life” at that time that I didn’t recognize that it was probably the best that could have happened for me to be dropped off in Spain, – because he was not a very good man, and he was absolutely not good for me.

My old passport has in it’s own way always reminded me about him and the life experiences I got during the years I was together with him. He was with me when I renewed my passport 10 years ago, when I took the photo, the fingerprint and did sing my new passport. As well as he did picked me up when I was picking up my passport in the police station in Norway 2 weeks after. I still remember what he told me. He told me that I needed this new passport because we was going to travel a lot together. Something that actually was true, but if I had knew what kind of travelling I was going to explore and experience together with him I have …. to be honest….I don’t know what I have done at that time. But probably not choose to “travel”,- but I didn’t knew at that time. I thought it should be some great memories, not memories I don’t want to remember.

2019

My passport ,from 2001 to 2011, contains 10 years with a lots of trips and travels together with my children. A lots of good and great memories together, a lots of love, laughter and fun, joy and happiness 🥰.

My passport, from 2011 to 2021, contains different travels and trips the 2, 5 first years, and then I have more and less just use my passport as an identity card in different situations here in Spain. But the trips and travels my passport contains are in general not with contains of good memories. I want to be finish remembering it. It’s actually not worth to remember at all, and I don’t think it’s worth to write about either. I don’t want to use to much of my energies on that, I have already done that, use to much negative energy on negative memories and experiences.

A new passport- a new start in so many ways- for me 🥰.

So for me,- to get a new passport now, that will last until 2031 felt incredibly good. It felt a way like to get a new, fresh start on my travels in life, both mentally and physically 😊. It felt like get a new 10 years period in my life I can fill up with a lots of great memories in both mentally as well as physically travels in my life 💚.

I felt a kind of relief to get rid of my old passport, to be honest,- and it felt so important for me to do this alone. To get my new passport alone. To just feel that I was renewing my possibility for nice, great and good travels, trips and experiences in my life again 😊. My new passport it’s own way represents a kind of a new start for me 😊.

I got my first passport when I was 16 years old. And after that I have had my own passport. I did loose one of my passport in 2001, but got a new one. At that time I was also soon going through a divorce so in its own way, that passport too in it’s own way represented a kind of a new start, a new epoch for new travels in my life together with my children, both mentally and physically 😊.

My photo in my first passport, June 1989 😊. I’m 16 years old in this photo 😊.

I’m starting on a new travel and trip in my life now at days too. A travel I’m going to do more without my children then together with them, at least less physically then before. In their own way they still will be a part of my travels in life, like I will be a part of their, but not in the same way at it has been 😊.

I’m still me, I’m still Laila, even when I have got a new passport. My identity is not changing at the same time as I’m probably going to go through some changes 😊.

A passport is a identification card, and I have used my last passport very much as a identification card since I moved to Spain, more than anytime in my life. Special during this corona- situation. And I’m looking forward to pick up my next passport in around 2 weeks. Then I don’t need to travel to Madrid, I can just travel to The Norwegian Consulate 10 minutes with the train 😊.

Anyway,- I think you maybe now understand why the trip to Madrid was so important for me, special to do on my own as well 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

Some of my passport photos- or actually the biggest photo is more and less like I’m going to look at my new passport- but without any smile 😊. And the one in black and white- well maybe just the colours tells you from what period in my life that one is? (It’s from 2011 to 2021)

I was 16 years old when I got my first passport 😊. And yesterday I renewed my last passport, and it’s feels like I got a new, fresh start on different travels, trips, experiences and adventures in my life 💚. I’m looking forward for 10 new years with my new passport, and I choose to believe that the next 10 years will contains a lots of good memories and great experiences in my life 🧡. My new passport represents a kind of a new start for me in my life 🥰.

#mammi #passport #lifeis #imagenation #inspiration #livinginspain #Norwegian #travels #trips #adventurer #mylife #coronasituation #newpossibilities #renewing #changes #newexperiences #identety #happiness #newstart #positivefocus 🥰

Is she struggling with me or is she just hugging me? 😅🤗

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

In just a couple of days my daughter is going to move to her own apartment in Malaga 🏠. She is ready to live on her own now- I hope. Well,- at least I can say she is doing incredible well after her not to good experience in December 2020, and she have now got an apartment in the same building as one of her best friends. Her friend lives just one floor below her. Something I’m happy for, but I’m also happy they are not going to live together. I think it’s a bit important that my daughter find her own tempo and dynamics in her life, as well as maybe it’s my time to at least try to find my own tempo and dynamics in my life too 😅.

I need to admit I’m very happy my daughter lives so close to her friend at the same time as they live separately. And yes,- I’m actually happy my daughter is ready to move back to Malaga and live on her own life as well.

Sounds maybe a bit awful for a mammi to say, special after what she was through, but it’s true. I’m looking forward to be just me….again ….hopefully for awhile now 😅. I have tried that a couple of times now,- thought I was start to live my own life, and just have the responsibility for just me and myself. It hasn’t quite been like that,- my children have obviously a tiny tenden to move back home to mammi…..for different reasons. And of course, – they are and will always be very welcome to stay with me for awhile when they need it ❤. But now I need a break from all this moving in and out for awhile 🏡.

I think my daughter is very ready to move out and live on her own too. So I actually asked her to write down what she is going to miss and what she’s not going to miss about living together with me, her mammi. And I have done the same. It’s not a bad list, it’s “just the way it is” list 😊. I think many parents with young adults children in their home have some similar thoughts, experiences and feelings around this “to live together with their young adults children” as I have.

I’m in one way so ready to just start to be me, but at the same time I have, like I mention in the post “The ticket to Madrid is now booked”, that it has not just been me that has kept my children in their hands, but they have in they very own way kept my hand so safety in their hands too.

This is changing now. And I know that this is the way it is, the way it needs to be for all four of us.

Me and my daughter,- I’m not sure if she’s struggling with me or if she’s hugging me 😅

My daughter’s list over “Will miss, will not miss” was supricely short. Mine was a bit longer 😅. Maybe that’s why she’s holding around me like she do? 😅

I’m actually looking forward to just take my own dish wash, and also know where to find all the glasses and plates. And I’m looking forward to just carry food on my back to myself and not two people. It’s a bit heavy to be honest. When this is said, – my daughter has taken the dish wash now and then, and also went to the food store together with me sometimes and helped me carry our food. But most of the time it has been just me.

I’m looking forward to not nag all the time about cleaning up, put the garbage in the garbage box, take the glasses and plates down from the bedroom, remove your socks, t- shirt, sweater from the sofa. Can you take the dish wash? Can you carry out the garbage? And so on… I don’t understand the mess, but I actually don’t think she see “the mess” in the same way I see her mess “here and there and everywhere”. I’m so looking forward to not live with to much mess around me 😅. It’s actually different “small things” in the daily life, but still it’s irritating things because we are in different levels in life, and see things in a bit different ways. And it’s probably irritated me much more then her this small daily things like the socks in the sofa or the glasses in her bedroom, and so on. And I’m looking forward to find my things and stuffs where I put them and not try to find them some other places 😅.

And then it is “the time” , my time will be different, it will probably be a bit more of it. Because when you share your home with someone you also share your time. Something that is in general a good and positive thing, but it is also good and positive to use the time on things that’s just your own, and have your own time in your own way. Or in this “case”,- my own way ( and my daughter’s way too ) 😊. Im looking forward to use more of my time to paint, knit, write, keep my home “in order”, and also proberly some more and other things too.

I’m going to miss her, no doubt about that❤. Miss her energy around me. Miss our “food- haunting” together, and our chatting. I’m going to miss her smile, to talk with her, laugh together eith her and hug her. And Im to miss her safety hand. Im going to miss her help in different online things and App’s I don’t understand. Im going to miss to be sourrende by her, at the same time as it’s great to get this distance from each other too now 😊.

My daughter is looking forward to have her own place, space and apartment. And be alone when she want, use her time on her own and focus on her self. And she also are looking forward to learn to make her own food, and learn to live her life in her own way. And she’s looking forward to not hear me nagging about things and stuffs she doesn’t see, like the socks in the sofa 😅.

I’m actually also looking forward to this things in my life. Also to for example make dinners with tomatoes and onions in 😅. As well as actually not make dinner for anyone else then myself.

Things my daughter is going to miss is me/ mammi, mammi’s food, dinner and lunches. And mammi’s love.

I’m very happy she feel loved by me, and that love will be there always, it will never change ❤.

But as you see,- my “not going to miss” list it’s a bit longer then my daughter’s list. Something I think it’s very normal and natural, because I’m a mammi. But,- now it’s time for the mammi role to change a bit, as well as the mammi/ daughter role too 😊. That’s the way it is when the children are growing up and out from the home 🏡.

I know my daughter loves me, and I know her time together with me has been very valued for both of us. And soon it’s time for some changes in life for both of us, and some new adventures and new experiences in life in different ways forms and ways 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

I love my love my daughter unconditional- and she knows it very well ❤.

In just a couple of days my daughter is moving out…..again….but this time it’s probably for awhile 🏡. I did ask her what she was looking forward and what she will miss with moving out from her mammi. For some reason my “list” was a bit longer on the “not going to miss” part then her’s 😅.

#unconditionallove #mammi #thelife #life #newexperiences #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #movingout #mydaugther #youngadult #newadventures #mychildren #happiness #changes #challenges #positivefocus 💚