Do I have a plan? 🤔😊🥀

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I have got this question- “Do you have a plan?” a bit more then just a couple of times now after my children moved out from my home.

I’m not sure why I get this question ? 🤔 Don’t we all have one or another kind of a plan or three, maybe even more in and for our life? I had a plan before I became a mammi, some other plans in my life when I raised up my children, and some new plans now. But, yes, my different plans has changed a bit during both the years as well as when different things has happen in my life, as well as in our society. I think that’s normal? This changing in our plans? And it’s not even always we are changing our plans either, but things around us happens so the plans just changes a bit “on their own”.

So yes I had a plan, and I have a kind of a new plan too. Actually more then just one 😊. I just don’t like this question ” Do you have a plan?” to much, but that’s probably because I have got it a lot during the lasts months. And I can’t give any other good questions either, then just “Yes, I do- I do have plans, I just need to sort out a couple of things first”. But sometimes this can be a bit irritating question to get 🙄.

My plans at the moment goes a bit from day to day and not very much longer then one week at the time. Because the plan I had was not included any kind of moving this year, but obviously “someone” else had that plan for me.

So at the moment I feel I need to find a new “foothold” in a way in my life before I can start to work with to many and to “big” plans in my life. I felt I lost my “foothold”, the kind of “foothold” I had both when my children moved out as well as when I needed to move from one place to another too. It’s not there anymore, the “foothold” I had, but my “plans” are, my dreams, goals and wishes too. I just need to find a new and other way to try to “reach” them as well as work for them.

I hope that’s normal, and I hope that’s also okay that I don’t have “all and everything” in my new life and lifesituation “sorted out” at the moment?

I have plans,- a lots of plans too, in different forms and shapes and sizes and also area in my life 😊. But at the moment I choose to get my breath a bit back before I “get to work” with to much and to big plans 😊. Is that okay?

I have even created my own vision board some years ago with different goals, dreams, plans and wishes I do my best to reach in one or another way 🎨🤞🙏. And now and then I need to change something there, the plan, the goal or the way to reach what I want to reach 😊. But that’s fine, that’s okay, that’s the way it is. Then I try to create a new plan for my dreams, goals and wishes 😊.

Do you get this question a lot “Do you have any plans?” If you do,- do you tell “all and everyone” your different plans? Or do you just say “Yes, I do” or “No, I don’t”? And do you like to get this question? I’m fine with the question in general, but for some reason I have got it a lot the last months, so I’m a bit tired of it, special when my plans are in their own way are changing a bit too without to much help from me 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

My vision board – filled up with plans, goals and wishes I do my best to reach little by little, step by step 😊

I have different plans in my life, dreams, goals and wishes, but sometimes they are changing a bit to yo another direction then I had in my mind 😊. Then it’s just to try to “follow up” as best as I can 😊. I have even my own vision board so I can work as consciously I manage to reach my goals, plans, wishes and dreams 😊.

#visionboard #dreams #plans #wishes #goals #gettingolder #midlife #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #positivefocus #differences #imagenation

Cheers and Congratulations to the 17 candidates and finalists 😊🍾🍇🍷

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Today I want to say cheers and Congratulations to the 17 finalists and candidates who have been selected for the interviews at Murphy Goode Winery in California 🍾🎉.  Well done, and so deserved 🍷🍇. And no,- I’m not one of this 17 finalists and candidates,- and that’s fine 😊. But I was one of the over 5000 that’s applied for the job 😊🍷.

Of course I really should wish I was one of the finalists 😊, – but wow🎉 ,- when I have seen what the different finalists can offer and their creative and incredibly good video applications I understand why exactly those was chosen 😊🍾. So Congratulations and all the best wishes for the interviews 🧡. They have some very exacting days and weeks in front of them 😊. And one of them even a more exacting year 🍾🍇🍷.

The painted white wine bottle with red wine grapes I used in my video application 🍷🍇.

But it was fun for me to create a imagination, illusion and dream around this job,- and I did actually learn a couple of things about myself under the process too 😊. And it was exacting to be a tiny part of the process even it was a very tiny part 😊.

I’m not so “worried” anymore to take video of myself and share it online. And I also know I just need to keep up my dreams, wishes and hopes and work as best as I can to reach them 😊.

One of my dreams is to create, see a result, progression and product of my work. In one way I’m already doing that when I’m teaching, because I in general see progress in my students. But I’m not sure for how long I want to continue teaching. I’m more in the create and creative “corner” in my life now, – a “corner” where I have a tiny little wish for something else I can’t explain….but it’s a feeling “inside” me ….. that I want to do and work with something else now, something new and different then before. But maybe this is just the menopause “talking” too? 😳 ( ….because this menopause has a bad habit to confuse me a bit now and then….🙄😳). I don’t know, but I will probably find out one day 😊.

I did also see progress, not always of course, when I was working in the home nursery, but to be honest, after being a costumer service agent on the phone for around 1,5 years for elderly ladies now…….. rude, very rude elderly ladies, I’m not very tempted to go back to the home nursery job again 🙄. Sorry, but that’s true. We can talk about young people’s not always to good behaviour, but there’s many elderly people who can’t behave very well either 😳.

My first plan now is to find peace in my new home, and slowly find out who am I when it’s just me in my life and no children to take care of anymore. I have some months in front of me now to “sort things out”,- and that feels actually very good too 😊. I’m relaxed, and in it’s own way a bit relieved too. It has been some hectic months, but now I can get my breath a bit back again 😊.

I thought and hoped that I maybe could be a wine- maker of any kind in California 🍇🍷, but obviously the destiny have something different and else for me somewhere there in the future 😊. At least I choose to believe so 😊.

Maybe it’s painting colourful and creative “one of a kind” winebottles instead of tasty wine making?😊🍇🎨

Anyway,- Congratulations to the 17 finalist at Murphy Goode Winery 🍾🍇. Good luck to them all 🍷🧡. And I,- I take one step at the time, or maybe even two know and then, and then the “road” in front of me will probably and hopefully be open, little by little 😊🛣.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

This winebottle is a gift to someone in Norway,- and its soon ready for a “travel” to Norway and the one I painted it too 😊🍷🍇. I just needed to borrowed it for my application 😊.

The 17 finalists and candidates for this great fine wine job in California are know chosen 🍾🍇. And I’m not one off them, but in it’s own way this has been a very nice experience for me, both to apply, and the process before the application as well as after 😊. So Congratulations to the 17 finalists, and Good luck with the interviews 🧡🍾.

#inspiration #imagenation #interview #application #job #dreams #congratulations #goodluck #process #experiences

To two of my neighbours 🏘😊🎨

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Like some of you know I’m moving from the house that has been my children and my home during closely 7 years. Something that means that we also have had some good neighbours during this 7 years too 😊.

It’s mainly three neighbours I have had the best contact with, a couple and a man, and I really want to give them some thing for a good neighbour relation 🎨. And then it became some painted winebottles ( of course) 😅🎨.

I was actually not sure if I was going to manage finish the winebottles before I’m moving, but I actually did. Well, closely,- the painting in one of the bottles is still not totally dry. Hopefully it will try a bit during the next days.

But I started on two different winebottles first with different decorations, imagine and illustrations then the results is now. I had a imagination in my mind about what I wanted to paint, but when I was halfway the illustrations was not “correct”, (if I can explain it that way,) for the persons I’m going to give this bottles to. So then it was to start over again on two new bottles 😊🎨. And now they are the way I want them to be 😊.

One of the winebottle I’m going to give to one of my “old” neighbours 😊

The couple I have painted a winebottle too is a married couple. She is from UK and he is from Spain. They have a country house too, where they have different vegetables and fruits, and even hens. And I have got so much fruits, vegetables and eggs from then during this years, so I really want to give something back.

Well,- they have got something now and then like homemade cakes and cookies. Made by Norwegian recipe. And I have also knit a bit to them like hat, scarf and elf- socks 🧶.

They have two grandsons too, and I have knit hat and scarf to the boys as well 😊.

I like to give, and I like to show the people around me that I really presage them and also what they give me,- if it’s friendship or/ and fruits 😊.

This is to the married couple- 3 red roses with lights inside 🌹

I have packed this plate I use to turn the bottles around with. So it is what it is at the moment. But I hope you still will get a kind of impression how it looks like?

It’s this red roses winebottle that still have to dry a bit. Hopefully the next days will help a bit 😊.

A bit more from the red roses winebottle
And just some details 😊.

My other neighbour is living very close to me. He is Spanish, and he work as a policeman in Spain. We are actually living like “wall to wall”. I don’t think it’s possible to live closer to someone without living together in the same house.

I know his favourite colour is blue so then it became a winebottle with “the touch of blue” 😊.

The winebottle to my closest neighbour 😊

He has helped me a lot with different things in my home as well as actually been together with me to the doctor when I needed a translator. ( my family doctor speaks “andalucia” and he speaks incredibly fast too, so I have big problems with understand him 😅). And he has made olive oil to me and drove me “here and there” as well when I needed a driver now and then.

We was also close in the intim way for closely 3 years. More maybe like “friends with benefit”. But it was the 3 first years I was living here. The four last years we have just been neighbours. But….he has started flirting a bit with me again..(and yes I do flirt back a bit too- it’s actually a bit nice with the attention)… So maybe when I have moved into my new home we can be a bit “friends with benefit” again? We see what’s happen in that area- but to be honest, I don’t think I will mind to much to have him as a “friend with benefit” again. I see what’s happen. Im mot stressing “this” flirting at all. At the moment my focus and energy are work and moving 😊. ( ….but I’m still “allowed” to dream…😉).

Some details from the blue coloured winebottle 🎨.

The winebottles I started on, I still have them, and I’m going to finish them both as well. But probably not before I have moved.

And, – I have painted a bit more then this 4 winebottle during the last closely 6 weeks. Like I mention in a text for probably a month ago,- I wanted to give something back to Natasja too, just to show her how much I presage the opportunity for renting their holiday apartment. And I mention it could be in the colours of pink as well as “contain” winebottle or bottles 😉. But I needed to ask her first if “it” could be a gift she wanted. And she did…..I’m not telling very much more today, but I will tell you and show you when I’m finish 😊🎨.

Of course pink bags to Natasja 😅- but the gift is not quite finish yet, but soon 🎨

So as you can see,- inbetween packing and eating and sleeping and working during the last 6 weeks I have also been painting 🎨😊. It’s a incredibly good “timeout” for me to just paint and “calm down” a bit inbetween, better then I actually thought 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you as soon as possible 😊

The two winebottles I started on to my neighbours- they are not finish and the creations became “wrong” for the ones I wanted to give the bottles too 😊. They are going to be gifts to someone else when they are finish 😊.

I’m actually a bit surprised over myself and how much I have manage to paint during the last 6 weeks 🎨. But obviously it gives me more effective “timeout” and energy “refill” then I thought 😊. And the “Thank you for being so good neighbours”- gifts are closely finish and ready for “delivery” 🎨😊.

#goodneigbours #thankyou #presage #creative #create #illustration #imagenation #inspiration #joy #timeout #relaxing #energy #decorations #winebottle #oilcolor #painting #oilpainting #gifts #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky #lifeisgood #positivefocus

Is it worth it? ❤💘💔

Hi ❣It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Like I mention in my post “ I’m currently not dating….” it’s because of my experiences when it comes to dating and even more when it comes to relationships. And I know I need to resett my self a bit, a bit more then I actually thought.

I haven’t lost the faith in love and relationship, because I see both family and friends around me have great relationships. Functional relationships build on a bit different things then my last relationship was. So I know it’s possible to have a healthy and loving relationship with the correct person and partner.

I may seem bitter, critical and cynical when it comes to love and relationships – but I’m not really.  I see that it all, my attitude to relationships, is based on my own experiences, and not necessarily what for most couples and relationships is a reality. I’m just worried the reality I have, my experienc, when it comes to relationship is going to be a reality and truth for me one more time,- and I know I can’t handle that one more time. It takes so much time and energy to just be “here” I’m now, and I have still some steps left to walk.

To be “here” I’m now has took me over 7 years, and there’s still things that’s make me want to throw up when I think about relationship, and I know I’m not ready to handle different “challenges” a relationship can gives, yet.

I’m not interested to be in a relationship now. I need to resett my self, my mind, soul and heart before that can be a “issue” again.

I’m not interested to have all the differents commitments it’s obviously necessary to have when you are in a relationship.

I’m not interested to be treated so bad as I has been in relationship anymore. I’m not interested to give so much from my self and get so little back. I’m not interested in all the different “restrictions” , claim and demand there is in a relationship. I’m not interested to be told all the different things I’m doing wrong. All from what kind of clothes I’m very, complains about the food I’m making or what wrong store I did bought it in. I’m not interested to listen to all the things that are wrong with me and all the different kinds of treatment I need to have so I can be “correct”.

I’m not interested to feel so totally alone anymore. I was and felt more alone, lonely and lonesome in that relationship than I have ever been, and then I’m now when I’m actually alone, now when it’s just me. I actually lost the contact with my family and my friends during this relationship,- and I was totally alone too ( except from my children, I unfortunately, also manage to drag with me in this’ that’s incredibly painful to think about 😭 💔).

And I was scared too, and worried. I felt I had a big, big grey and heavy stone in my stomach. And I did cry a lot, but I had no one to go too.

I’m not interested to feel so miserable and confused anymore. Or so unsecured on closely everything. Myself, my work, my interests, my thoughts, my body, my health, my mental mind, my clothes, my habits. I don’t want to feel so totally alone and failed in “all” different areas of life.

I’m not interested to be and feel monitored and looked after.  Be called a liar, or hear that I have no heart – or if I’m so lucky to have a heart, it’s full of black holes. I’m not interested to hear I’m stupid, and “something needs to be wrong with me”, and go to many different treatments to be “fixed” 😳.

I’m not interested to be “brainwashed” one more time. I’m not interested to feel like I’m drawing in a ice cold dark ocean when I’m standing on land in the sunshine.

A relationship for me was to many demands, expectations, pressures, hopes, disappointments, responsibilities, commitments and I did more and less most of this “all the time” wrong too, just in case. I was happy in the wrong way, I was sad in the wrong way, I “did” the relationship- commitment wrong. But when all comes to all,- nothing of this, my experiences is love or unconditional love. It’s “power” and control over an other person. I know that.

But this is my private and personal experience from a boyfriend and to be in a relationship. And in my head I know this kind of treatment in a relationship (or actually general for all treatment of people) is not love, it’s not about the respect for another person.

I know many has other and more positive experiences to be in a relationship then I have. I can’t just find, feel or remember very much positive with a relationship. But,- the good thing is,- I still have an imagination of a good, loving and healthy relationship- I can “work for” when or if I’m going to be ready for a boyfriend and a relationship again.

But to be honest,- it’s not worth it for me, not when I think, feel and do remember how it was to be in a relationship, how it was to be together with a boyfriend. It’s not worth it,- to feel so incredibly miserable closely all the time. At least not at the moment, maybe never, to go through this again.

I probably sounds bitter, but I’m not. I just know that this is my life and I don’t want to have something like that in my life ever again. I’m lucky- lucky that was dropped off in Spain, if not I don’t think I have been here today.

I really need to resett my self, and I don’t know how long time that will take. But what I do know is that a new man in my life will not “fix” this at the moment, fix my mind and soul. My heart, I think my heart is actually fine, because I was never heartbroken to be dropped off in Spain, just in a very big shock.

This Easter I did started to paint the pain, my not to good experiences when it comes to a relationship. I’m going to show you when it’s finish, but it will take a bit time before it’s finished. It’s a bit painful process to paint at the same time an incredible relief feeling too.

Of course I do think about my “why” I wanted to date and hopefully get into a relationship again, but I don’t know at the moment if my “why” is worth it. And I do know that it’s not worth to be in a relationship if it’s like my experiences are.

So that’s why I don’t date, and are not “looking” for a boyfriend and relationship, because I’m worried and scared, and it was not worth it.

Time will show what’s happens, and if I’m changing my mind when it comes to boyfriend and relationship, and if I manage to resett my heart, soul and mind 🌹. But at the moment I’m here I’m and that’s fine, I’m fine 🌹.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

Fixing a broken heart- finish painted by me in 2016.

My experiences from a relationship are not the best, I know that. And it’s actually not my heart that’s broken, I think my heart is very good 🧡. But my experiences that are in my mind and soul still need time to be resett before I will be able to think and believe that a relationship can be different from my experiences 🌹.

#experiences #differences #imagenation #love #unconditionallove #relationship #treatment #dating resettmyself #challenges #changes

I’m not currently dating,- and it’s my choice 🌹

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I’m not currently dating, and it’s a time since I actually did date, and also was “looking” for a date. And I’m very fine with that. I actually don’t miss dating or being in a relationship. Because in my mind I do understand the “dating- concept” as you meet up with someone because you want, and hopefully will get a serious relationship together with this person. Both are interested in each other,- that’s why it is a date. It’s not sure this “understaning” is correct. It’s just the way I understand the “dating- concept”.

But I need to admit that for a period I actually thought that I miss dating, miss being in a relationship, and missed a boyfriend in my life. But the truth is I did miss an imagination, and not my reality when it comes to relationships. But my imagination over how a relationship can or should be.

I deleted the dating app Tinder in October/ November 2019, and haven’t regret that so fare. But I was “tired” of the “dating” before I deleted the app. It didn’t gave me very much, to be honest. Like relationships haven’t given me to much either. To be fair,- it’s my last “long term- serious” relationship that’s “freshest” in my mind, and also where many of my not to good experiences when it comes to relationships are “build on”. Natural enough, but also maybe unfortunately?

And it’s actually more the 7 years since that relationship ended- something I’m very grateful for 🙏, but still it has “marked” my mind and soul in a bit negative direction and with a bit negative thoughts and experiences when it comes to dating and relationship.

I have met some nice dates during the lasts years, but also some strange dates. But that’s not the reason why I have made a choice and decision to not date for a while.

Dating didn’t gave me very much, or to use the dating app and “try” to find a date, a date that’s also maybe would became to a serious relationship after a while.

Maybe I’m not a “nettdating- person”? Maybe I need to met a man in “the real life” and not during a “switch left or right” app? I know it’s different dating- app’s, not just like the way Tinder is in “function”. But still I don’t think nettdating is something for me.

It’s not just that I’m not a “nettdating- person” that made me choose to not date for a while, but also because I know I need to resett my self when it comes to dating and relationship. Really resett my self. Maybe I manage to do it, maybe not. I don’t know, I don’t even know if I’m going out there in the “dating and relationship” world again either. And it’s fine. I’m fine with that.

I have thought a bit over why I wanted to date at that time I was a bit “busy” with that. And for me it was about attention, be attracted and became attracted of, intimacy and sex, hopefully feel “close” to an other man both mentally as well as psychic, meet someone to share different things and stuffs in life together with, someone to have different experiences together with as well as do things and stuffs together with, feel “connected” together with, someone “special” and be “special” for, feel butterflies in my stomach and some extra heartbeats too, just because of that man and the feelings I had for him, to feel important for someone, to miss someone as well as be missed, and probably a bit more I don’t remember anyone and at the moment 😊.

But the reality, my reality is that I haven’t actually very much real experiences from this, this thoughts about how I think a relationship is “in function”. My own experiences when it comes to, special relationships, are not like my “dreams and imaginations”, if I can call it that. Because my dreams and imagination about a relationship is “my why” I wanted to date and be in a relationship, but the truth is, my truth and my experiences and my reality is not very similar with my imagination.

My experiences from a relationship are actually something I don’t want to go through again. And we date because we want to meet someone that’s makes us feel “comfortable”, feel happy and happiness, joy and love and so on. We in general dates because of “my why” I wanted to date.

So I made a decision for more then over 1,5 years ago that I don’t want to date. I don’t want to date before all of me, my heart, my mind, my soul are ready for dating and ready for the commitments and the responsibility a relationship has. I need to really resett my mind, my heart and my soul first. And I have no idea how long time my “resett- process” will take. Maybe “forever”? I don’t know, and that’s fine 😊.

And it’s actually a good feeling to say “Thank you, but No Thank you, I’m not dating at the moment”, when someone asks me out for a ice tea or a coffee, a glass of wine or a lunch. And in general I don’t even get the question “why not”, and to be honest, it’s actually no one’s “business” either why I don’t date. It’s my choice, and I’m very fine and comfortable with my choice too 😊. And I’m very relaxed with my choice as well, when it comes to this “currently not dating” 😊. And I’m actually not even sure it’s worth it, – the dating and relationship,- to expose myself to maybe get the same experiences again when it comes to relationships.

Like I have mention before,- when or if I’m want to date again and want a serious relationship I can but out an “vaccination available” in my blog 😅. We see what’s happen there in the future 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

My imagination about how a relationship should be and my reality about how a relationship is,- is two very different things 🥀.

My imagination about how a relationship should be and my reality about how a relationship is,- is two very different things 🥀. So that’s why I have chosen to not date for awhile,- I need to resett my self, my mind, my soul, my heart before I maybe start dating again 😊. And I’m very relaxed with my decision about not dating 😊.

#dating #relationship #relaxed #decision #mychoice #resettmyself #experiences #differences #imagenation #thougths #feelings #choices