I’m not ready for this …. again 😳😅

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

During the two last years I have had some kind of “moving in and moving out” process mostly every second or third month in my home. Then it has been to reorganize the home as best as possible to get room and space for both the people and their things and stuffs, as well as my own.

This last moving situation was my own, and that’s around 3 months ago.

My plans changes every time in a situation like this, this “moving out and moving in”- situation, and its delays my plans too….. and unfortunately, I use time to “get back in business” again as well, to “find” my routines again. Or even find a new routine. I don’t know if this is “normal” for “all and everyone”,- but for me it takes a bit time to get back in my “normal” routines after a “moving in and moving out” situation.

In general it’s my children that’s move in and out, and now and then some friends of them too. So “here we go again” 😅.

I manage to live “on my own” for around 10 weeks this time before I got a “child” dropping by with bags and boxes, and a dog and a friend too.

And I got 2 weeks “notice” before they just come “rumbling” into my home with all their stuffs.

Some of ny oldest son’s bags stable in the livingroom at the moment

I need to admit a couple of things when it comes to this last “moving in” – situation,- I did actually cry a bit, for myself, alone in my bed, because I wasn’t and I’m not ready for this again- reorganize my home, live inbetween boxes and bags, “put my life” as well as plans “on hold” for a tiny while….again, and Im not ready to live together with anyone at the moment, to be honest, closely not even my children at the moment.

I know it sounds awful, and I feel awful too, because I feel it like this. But unfortunately it’s still the truth.

And I didn’t see it’s coming either, this “moving in”. I actually thought I was more and less finish with this “moving in and out” situation for a very long time. But obviously not.

It’s my oldest son, his dog and a friend of him that “moved” into my home for around 2 weeks ago.

I know that wasn’t their plan either, and it was really not my plan,- that’s for sure. But of course I’m helping my child, my children as best as I can with the possibility I can and have. But I told them they could just stay a couple of weeks this time, and use this weeks to find another “living” solutions.

And my oldest son knows I’m not to happy with this “solution” and situation, at the same time he knows I really, really love him, unconditional ❤. I just don’t want to live together with him any more 😅. And my son knows about this text, it’s not a secret for him that I actually wasn’t overwhelmed  by happiness for living  together with him again 😅- and he is also looking forward to not live together with me,- but it was and is necessary at the moment for him to do this 🧡.

My oldest son and his friend had actually a house they should move into, but suddenly the owner changed his mind. Not to let them rent, he chose to but put up the deposit from 2 months to 3 months 😳. And of course that’s not okay. And expensive too,- and the changes and possibilities for getting the 3 months deposit back when you are moving out is more and less, and unfortunately, a “lost case” here in Spain. And maybe even more now at days in this corona- situation and the economic situation the pandemi has “created”, then it was before.

The house or apartment you are moving out from can be in perfect order, but still the owner will find “something”, some kind if reason to not pay back the deposit. Of course there are rules and rights for this, to get back the deposit,- but it can be a long and struggling way to go.

I don’t say this is the way for all and everyone, but yes, in general when you are renting a place to live here in Spain you can just say “Goodbye” to the deposit you did pay. Like I mention,- there are rules and rights also for the one who is renting,- but the process can be long and difficult,- and yes,- we live in Spain 😉. To have rules and rights and to practice the rules and rights can be two very different things.

Anyway,- my oldest son, his lovely dog, Zorro and his friend are “camping” over in my home now at days, and I’m not to happy with the situation at all. At the same time as I struggling with feelings like being a bad and selfish mammi who want to live her own life now. I feel on guilt because I’m not very happy over this “moving in”, and it’s my child too. But for my children I try to do as best as I can to help them out, even when I’m not to happy for the situation.

I think the “worst” thing this time is that I live together with someone I don’t want to live together with anymore,- my son’s friend. I have lived together with him before, twice…..and it went okay,- and he is an okay guy,- but not “my kind of guy” or my kind of friend or my kind of living together partner.

Short summary,- he doesn’t do very much, but still except to be “served”. And have even a tiny challenge to say “Thank you” when he gets served.

Some people it’s just like they have a straw into your soul and just “drinking” out the energy. I don’t know if you have any experience with that kind of people?

I understand my oldest son and his friend’s friendship, and why they are friends, but still it’s not my kind of friend or friendship. And I actually think this is more “hard and heavy” for me to live together with this friend then to live just with my son and his dog. Maybe things has felt a bit more easier if it was just thise two that moved in? I think so.

Zorro,- my son’s dog is a very happy and easy dog- so he is actually not the biggest “challenge” now at days 😊. Probably I’m the biggest challenge to be honest 😅. A grumpy mammi 😅

They are all three moving out next week . I feel and felt bad for giving them a “time limit” to find another living solution then to stay in my home “forever”. But I have also plans and things I want to do,- kind of life where I m not just a mammi anymore……a life on my own, without any responsibility for someone else.

I need to admit I don’t have the energy for this at the moment, this living together with my children, and even more together with someone I really don’t want to live together with, and I don’t want it like this either. I need a bit of time on my own now, do my things, live my life, be just me, not the mammi- me. “Fille up” with some other kind of energies for awhile so I probably can “handle” a situation like this a bit better next time then I did and do this time.

A colleague of my told me that my children obviously and probably likes to live with me, and enjoys being around me a bit.  And that I am lucky to have children who come home, and home and home again. It’s not for all parents to actually have this kind of “opportunity” to spend this kind of time together with their children, or even be liked so much by their children. And I see and understand what she mean, and of course feel even more bad then, and a bit shameful too,- just because I actually it’s and wasn’t to happy with this “moving in” situation this time.

I’m actually incredibly lucky, I know that ❤. So there has been a lots of mixed feelings around my “living together situation” this time. Guilt, shame, feeling as a bad mammi, feeling selfish at the same time as I also want to help my child and my children ❤.

And this menopause doesn’t make the situation better or easier either to be honest. I really like and want to be alone when that one is “fucking up” with my brain. And I told my son that too. I know he doesn’t understand, but okay,- it is what it is.

I think maybe if you are a parent with grown up children, or young adults children, you know and understand why I feel the way I feel when it comes to this “moving in” again situation? Or is it just me?

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡.

See you soon 😊

A bit stuffs and things here and there,- and the friend need to camp on the sofa. I didn’t had or have any other solutions at the moment. I can’t reorganize “all an everything” either.

I need to admit that I wasn’t ready or to happy for this “moving in” situation a couple of weeks ago, and unfortunately I’m still not. At the same time I feel on guilt and shame and being a bad mammi. At the same time as I of course want to help my child, and i do feel grateful too. So you can say,- it is a bit of mixed feelings at the moment 😳😅.

#children #mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #movingout #movingin #lifeis #livinginspain #Norwegian #feelingshameful #feelingbad #feelinggrateful #changes #challenges #menopause #midlife #lifeexperiences

Just enjoying my first holiday in my holiday week 🏖🌞

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Today is my first holiday in this holiday week and … yes, in this holiday home too 😅. I’m living in a holiday home and I actually have holiday too at the moment 😍. Perfect 😁.

I’m going to start in a new job in the beginning of August, and in that case I needed to “take out” one holiday week before I’m starting in the new job,- and then it became this upcoming week 🌞.

Enjoying my first holiday in my holiday week and my holiday home as well 🌞

And my first holiday I have just enjoyed. First no wake- up call, just slept to my body obviously was finish sleeping. A lovely feeling to wake up when I was ready to wake up 😊. And then a nice breakfast outside in the sun on my roof terrace, and then actually some freelance work when there was a bit “speed” in my internet (yes, I know- dont work when it’s holiday… 😅but this is some work I need to do and don’t mind to do if I should manage to reach some of my goals 😊 …. so it doesn’t quite feels like work 😊).

I have prepared a nice meal/ meat for some barbecue too, and I have spent some hours on the beach as well 😊.

The meat getting ready for some barbecue later today, with some fresh herbs from my “garden” 🌞.
It takes me just some very few minutes to go to this lovely beach 🏖.

Reading, relaxing and listen to music. I can’t read with sunglasses anymore, I actually need to use glasses 🤓. But with my eyes and nose in the book and the sun on my back it’s “in function”. That’s the way it is when I’m getting older 😅. I know I can get glasses with sunglass- function, but at the moment it’s not necessary. That day will probably come soon enough 😊🤓.

My book, my glasses and some music on the ear too 🎶🎵
The meat getting ready on the barbecue 🍗

It’s a first time for everything,- and this weekend was actually the first time I have barbecue on my own, just for me and myself. I have barbecue a lot, but never to just myself. It was not to bad to just be me, but of course it’s a bit nicer with good company 😊.

But this “just me”, or actually do different kinds of things on my own, alone without my children, is something I’m going to “learn” now. It’s a bit scary, but I have already manage a couple of things, so I will probably manage a bit more too. I don’t know what “all and everything” I need to learn to do on my own are yet, but I will probably soon enough find out 😊.

I have learn to shop food without my “babyducks” following me in the food store. I have been at the beach several times on my own, and I have moved to a new place,- just me 😊. I have even travel to Madrid, without any kind of “company”.

I know for some people this things I have “learned” to do without my children around me sounds very strange, but I have actually had from one to three of my children around me more and less “all the time” for 27 years. So for me it’s actually a bit strange to not “share” or “do” normal things without one or two or three of my kids around me 😊.

I remember I told my son in the middle that there was days I really was looking forward to live alone and didn’t need to pick up socks or towels in the sofa, or go on glasses and plates “hunting” in my children’s rooms, but I forgot that when the socks, towels, glasses, plates and so one was “gone”, my children was gone too 😅.

This is a so normal situation for mostly every parents when their children are moving out. It’s a situation we are sometimes really looking forward to, but we aren’t always “prepared” on how it will be after the children are “out of the nest” 😊.

Anyway,- I’m going to do the best of this holiday week I have in front of me 😊. The first day was not to bad at all 😊🌞🏖.

I’m going to use some days on “just me” now because I actually need it, and there’s not to many plans for this week either. And that feels great 😊. I have a couple of things I need to do, but I can choose when I want to do them, and I’m going to invite some friends over too, for maybe some barbecue or maybe just some snacks, but great conversations will it be anyway 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

A tasty homemade barbecue meal together with a cold glass of Tinto de Verano 🍷

I’m have enjoyed my first holiday in my holiday home in my holiday week 😊🏖. Breakfast outside under the sun, some hours at the beach, even some barbecue in the evening too 🍗🍷. And of course some thoughts about “living on my own”, having young adults children that’s living their own lifes now, and I need to learn to live just my life now 😊.

#children #movingout #mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #midlife #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #thougths #holiday #holidyahome #beach #sun #enjoyinglife #barbecue

One month with the beach 🏖😊

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

It’s around one month since I moved to the beach, or more correctly in a holiday home very close to the beach 🏖. A holiday home that’s going to be my home for the next around 9 months 😊.

I have been here already a month. The time is “flying”, at the same time I have actually manage to “squeeze” in a bit of “this and that” this month too 😊. Moved to a new place, and also starting to get things in a kind of “order” in my new place too 😊. I have cleaned and organized the old place and given the keys back to the owner. I have done my jobs as best as I can, even dropped by my blog a bit more often as well 😊. And also had some guests in my new home too, and even baked a bit 😊. I have finished and delivered glassbottles, and visit my friend and her newborn baby at the hospital as well 😊. I have also been at the beach a couple of times, even stolen some sand from the beach to have in my plants and in the umbrella “foot” so that one shouldn’t fly away with the wind 😊.

But I feel I have just “been” here during the last month, not lived. It’s just lately I feel I’m starting to live here. But obviously I have in a way “lived” if I take a look around me and think about what I actually have done during the last more and less, 4 weeks 😊.

For me it’s a different between “be” and “live” 😊. And now I feel I’m slowly starting to live in this home, get some of my daily and weekly “routines” “back in business” again,- and in a bit I probably also will be more ready to work for my “bigger plans in my life” too 😊. I haven’t them “all” figured out yet,- but I think that’s normal and natural 😊. They will “find” their place little by little 😊.

It’s the first time in my adult life I actually organize and facilitate a life, an everyday life with only myself in and no children in it 😊. It feels very, very strange, and even sometimes I feel I do something “wrong” to make plans or something like that without my children or at least telling my children, or “included” them in some or another way 😅.

I need to learn that, that now my life is a bit more about me, and I don’t have any special duty to report to anyone and everyone about what I do or do not do. ( ….except from the fact that I’m actually writing a blog about “my daily life” and share that ome with everyone 😅).

Sometimes it is a bit scary this new era in my life, this “just me- era”, because I’m not always sure what to do with it,- even it can seems like I’m, and that I have “a lots” of “big plans” and “it all figured out”,- but I haven’t, and inbetween I’m actually “losing” it a bit too 😳 😅. And menopause and getting older scares me a bit too, but what to do?

And like I mention a while ago, when I was “packing down” 7 years of our life in the other home,- who to create new memories together with? Who to make plans with? Create new experiences in life with? Share memories with? And share plans and experiences with? My readers? 😊 Of course I’m going to do that- share with my readers, but…. it could and would be nice and great to have someone else too, to share things and stuffs in my life together with 😊. At the same time as I know I’m not ready for a relationship either. But I have some great friends around me, and my kids are here too, just not in the same way as before 😊.

I feel a bit lost without my children, but it’s nice too, to just be me. I’m probably more lost without them, then they are without me,- natural enough 😊. And I’m know I’m going to learn to live my life without them around me on daily basis as it was before they became young adults and moved into their own homes 😊. I just don’t think it’s “learned” to do during some weeks or just a couple of months 😊. It will take a bit more time 😊.

I feel more ready now to start enjoying my life close to the beach, sort things out and start to find a kind of new “road” to walk. I just need to be patient, and remember that “all and everything” takes time 😊.

And it’s incredibly nice to listen to the waves before I go to sleep in the night as well as waking up to in the morning 🌊😊. And I like to live so close to the beach too, and have the possibility to enjoy the beach when I want, but it could be a bit less people around me,- but we can’t get it all at the same time, can we? 😅😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

It’s a fantastic view from my roof terrace 😊

It’s already a month since I moved into the holiday home close to the beach 🏖. I have been here a month, but it’s just lately I’m started to feel I’m living here too, not just being here 😊. It takes a bit time to learn to live with a new lifesituation, like for example not living together with my children anymore 😊.

#living #newhome #being #aholidayhome #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #lifesituation #midlife #beach #lifeis #thelife #thougths #thedailylife

Do I have a plan? 🤔😊🥀

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I have got this question- “Do you have a plan?” a bit more then just a couple of times now after my children moved out from my home.

I’m not sure why I get this question ? 🤔 Don’t we all have one or another kind of a plan or three, maybe even more in and for our life? I had a plan before I became a mammi, some other plans in my life when I raised up my children, and some new plans now. But, yes, my different plans has changed a bit during both the years as well as when different things has happen in my life, as well as in our society. I think that’s normal? This changing in our plans? And it’s not even always we are changing our plans either, but things around us happens so the plans just changes a bit “on their own”.

So yes I had a plan, and I have a kind of a new plan too. Actually more then just one 😊. I just don’t like this question ” Do you have a plan?” to much, but that’s probably because I have got it a lot during the lasts months. And I can’t give any other good questions either, then just “Yes, I do- I do have plans, I just need to sort out a couple of things first”. But sometimes this can be a bit irritating question to get 🙄.

My plans at the moment goes a bit from day to day and not very much longer then one week at the time. Because the plan I had was not included any kind of moving this year, but obviously “someone” else had that plan for me.

So at the moment I feel I need to find a new “foothold” in a way in my life before I can start to work with to many and to “big” plans in my life. I felt I lost my “foothold”, the kind of “foothold” I had both when my children moved out as well as when I needed to move from one place to another too. It’s not there anymore, the “foothold” I had, but my “plans” are, my dreams, goals and wishes too. I just need to find a new and other way to try to “reach” them as well as work for them.

I hope that’s normal, and I hope that’s also okay that I don’t have “all and everything” in my new life and lifesituation “sorted out” at the moment?

I have plans,- a lots of plans too, in different forms and shapes and sizes and also area in my life 😊. But at the moment I choose to get my breath a bit back before I “get to work” with to much and to big plans 😊. Is that okay?

I have even created my own vision board some years ago with different goals, dreams, plans and wishes I do my best to reach in one or another way 🎨🤞🙏. And now and then I need to change something there, the plan, the goal or the way to reach what I want to reach 😊. But that’s fine, that’s okay, that’s the way it is. Then I try to create a new plan for my dreams, goals and wishes 😊.

Do you get this question a lot “Do you have any plans?” If you do,- do you tell “all and everyone” your different plans? Or do you just say “Yes, I do” or “No, I don’t”? And do you like to get this question? I’m fine with the question in general, but for some reason I have got it a lot the last months, so I’m a bit tired of it, special when my plans are in their own way are changing a bit too without to much help from me 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

My vision board – filled up with plans, goals and wishes I do my best to reach little by little, step by step 😊

I have different plans in my life, dreams, goals and wishes, but sometimes they are changing a bit to yo another direction then I had in my mind 😊. Then it’s just to try to “follow up” as best as I can 😊. I have even my own vision board so I can work as consciously I manage to reach my goals, plans, wishes and dreams 😊.

#visionboard #dreams #plans #wishes #goals #gettingolder #midlife #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #positivefocus #differences #imagenation

A new tiny “mystery” to solve 😳😅

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I have been working with my freelance work today, and my internet has been soooooo incredible slow 😳. Slow internet gives me more working hours then I actually had in mind. Instead of answering 30 messages in 45 minutes I manage maybe 10 messages in 45 minutes, if Im really lucky, because I wait and wait and wait 😳. And I get impatient, resigned, a little stressed and actually a little bit moody too 🙄.

My oldest son has been very engaged in my internet today and tried to help me out as best as he could from the mountains. He actually managed to speed it up a bit too. Half speed is a bit better then closely no speed 😊. But it still takes time, and we have also used a lots of time to just speed the internet up a bit today 🚤.

And then I needed a break inbetween my work, special because of my mood 😅. And on my way up to the roof terrace for taking a break I “jumped” into a tiny little “mystery” 🤔.

Tired and moody, and not to creative when it comes to photos or write a text today I chose to actually use video instead of writing to much. That’s actually something I feel a bit more comfortable to do after sending in a video application, I also have shared with “all and everyone” online 🎥😊.

Hmmm…..? What’s under this? The biggest question is actually how did this come here? 🤔
This is not an advertisement, therefore including a cross over the “object”.

So let me take you with me on a tiny little video “round” – so I actually can show you why this became a tiny little “mystery” 😊

Just me….on my way to take a break on my roof terrace 😊
Then the tiny “mystery” “shows up” 😳
….and my “conclusion” on the “mystery” 😊

I think someone has been sitting in one of the windows in one of the apartments in the apartment building close to my home with a cigarette,- and probably the cigarette packaging did fly away from the window and down in my “stairs room”. That sounds at least most logical in my mind. What do you think?

I have mention this before, and I’m mention it again,- we create our days, and if we take a tiny look we can create something “exciting” out of something not very big now and then too 😊. My children has actually teach me this,- special my oldest,- he could create a fairy tale from closely nothing when he was a child 😊.

My moody day became a bit more fun and exciting just because of this tiny package on my stairs 😅. I could probably create a bit more about or around this too, but I leave it to this today 😊. I have some other work I need to do as well ….and as you know with a half speeded up internet too 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so for using your time and dropping by my blog 🧡

See you soon 😊

The Roof close to my stairs and my roof terrace,- but I don’t think anyone has been walking over this today. It doesn’t look very safe, and also a bit complicated and to much work for “throughing” a tiny package on my stairs 😊

We create our days, and sometimes we even can create a tiny little “mystery” in or out from our day 😊. Like I did today 😅. If you are a bit curious what my “mystery” was, you are very welcome to read my text 😊 … or actually watch my text today. It’s more video today then written words 😊.

#myson #myoldestson #lifeexperiences #lifeisgood #mystery #working #job #moody #creativemind #create #comfortable #videotext #fun #lifeis #myblog #mylife #mypost