I will probably do it again and again… 😊

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

My three baby ducks are young adults children now and in general also live on their own,- but now and then they still need to live in my home for a period and more. And I’m starting to wonder if that’s a part of my new “era” and epoch in my life? To not live totally “on my own” for to long …. at least not yet 😊.

“My three baby” ducks on their way out in the world,- but now and then they turn back home to their mammi 🥰

I’m on my own again now, my home is “empty” and it’s just me in the house, and I need to admit it’s nice and quiet, just the way I like to have it now at days in my home, in my life. But this time I think I’m not going to “brag” to much over my new epoch and era in my life,- this “part” where I think I’m going to live alone in my home because my children has moved out …. again 😅. I have already done that one a couple of times,- and it wasn’t quite “correct”.

I also need to admit that I’m going to do this over and over and over again,- let my kids live in my home for a while, for a period when ever they need this kind of help from me. No matter how tired I’m or how “needy” I’m with this focus on my self, my life and my time. And my children know that- I’m here and I will be here as long as they need me – no matter how, why, when and what 🧡.

And I know I’m incredibly lucky that have this possibility to help my children in this way,- let them have a bed to sleep in, food on the table now and then when they need it, and need this kind of help from me 🧡.

And I know I’m incredibly lucky that have this three children that obviously feel in their own a kind of safty and comfort with coming back and back and back again to their mammi’s home when they need this kind of help ❤. And I’m incredibly grateful for exactly this,- that my children actually feel in a way safe and comfortable around me, and loved by me- if not I don’t think they have come back home again as they do now and then ❤.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

My three “baby ducks” needs now and then to be back in the home with their mammi- and even I’m finish with all “this” my children will always be welcome to stay in my home whenever they need it ❤.

#mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #Norwegian #livinginspain #lifeis #menopause #midlife #movingout #movingin #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #mychildren #happiness #joy #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky

I’m not ready for this …. again 😳😅

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

During the two last years I have had some kind of “moving in and moving out” process mostly every second or third month in my home. Then it has been to reorganize the home as best as possible to get room and space for both the people and their things and stuffs, as well as my own.

This last moving situation was my own, and that’s around 3 months ago.

My plans changes every time in a situation like this, this “moving out and moving in”- situation, and its delays my plans too….. and unfortunately, I use time to “get back in business” again as well, to “find” my routines again. Or even find a new routine. I don’t know if this is “normal” for “all and everyone”,- but for me it takes a bit time to get back in my “normal” routines after a “moving in and moving out” situation.

In general it’s my children that’s move in and out, and now and then some friends of them too. So “here we go again” 😅.

I manage to live “on my own” for around 10 weeks this time before I got a “child” dropping by with bags and boxes, and a dog and a friend too.

And I got 2 weeks “notice” before they just come “rumbling” into my home with all their stuffs.

Some of ny oldest son’s bags stable in the livingroom at the moment

I need to admit a couple of things when it comes to this last “moving in” – situation,- I did actually cry a bit, for myself, alone in my bed, because I wasn’t and I’m not ready for this again- reorganize my home, live inbetween boxes and bags, “put my life” as well as plans “on hold” for a tiny while….again, and Im not ready to live together with anyone at the moment, to be honest, closely not even my children at the moment.

I know it sounds awful, and I feel awful too, because I feel it like this. But unfortunately it’s still the truth.

And I didn’t see it’s coming either, this “moving in”. I actually thought I was more and less finish with this “moving in and out” situation for a very long time. But obviously not.

It’s my oldest son, his dog and a friend of him that “moved” into my home for around 2 weeks ago.

I know that wasn’t their plan either, and it was really not my plan,- that’s for sure. But of course I’m helping my child, my children as best as I can with the possibility I can and have. But I told them they could just stay a couple of weeks this time, and use this weeks to find another “living” solutions.

And my oldest son knows I’m not to happy with this “solution” and situation, at the same time he knows I really, really love him, unconditional ❤. I just don’t want to live together with him any more 😅. And my son knows about this text, it’s not a secret for him that I actually wasn’t overwhelmed  by happiness for living  together with him again 😅- and he is also looking forward to not live together with me,- but it was and is necessary at the moment for him to do this 🧡.

My oldest son and his friend had actually a house they should move into, but suddenly the owner changed his mind. Not to let them rent, he chose to but put up the deposit from 2 months to 3 months 😳. And of course that’s not okay. And expensive too,- and the changes and possibilities for getting the 3 months deposit back when you are moving out is more and less, and unfortunately, a “lost case” here in Spain. And maybe even more now at days in this corona- situation and the economic situation the pandemi has “created”, then it was before.

The house or apartment you are moving out from can be in perfect order, but still the owner will find “something”, some kind if reason to not pay back the deposit. Of course there are rules and rights for this, to get back the deposit,- but it can be a long and struggling way to go.

I don’t say this is the way for all and everyone, but yes, in general when you are renting a place to live here in Spain you can just say “Goodbye” to the deposit you did pay. Like I mention,- there are rules and rights also for the one who is renting,- but the process can be long and difficult,- and yes,- we live in Spain 😉. To have rules and rights and to practice the rules and rights can be two very different things.

Anyway,- my oldest son, his lovely dog, Zorro and his friend are “camping” over in my home now at days, and I’m not to happy with the situation at all. At the same time as I struggling with feelings like being a bad and selfish mammi who want to live her own life now. I feel on guilt because I’m not very happy over this “moving in”, and it’s my child too. But for my children I try to do as best as I can to help them out, even when I’m not to happy for the situation.

I think the “worst” thing this time is that I live together with someone I don’t want to live together with anymore,- my son’s friend. I have lived together with him before, twice…..and it went okay,- and he is an okay guy,- but not “my kind of guy” or my kind of friend or my kind of living together partner.

Short summary,- he doesn’t do very much, but still except to be “served”. And have even a tiny challenge to say “Thank you” when he gets served.

Some people it’s just like they have a straw into your soul and just “drinking” out the energy. I don’t know if you have any experience with that kind of people?

I understand my oldest son and his friend’s friendship, and why they are friends, but still it’s not my kind of friend or friendship. And I actually think this is more “hard and heavy” for me to live together with this friend then to live just with my son and his dog. Maybe things has felt a bit more easier if it was just thise two that moved in? I think so.

Zorro,- my son’s dog is a very happy and easy dog- so he is actually not the biggest “challenge” now at days 😊. Probably I’m the biggest challenge to be honest 😅. A grumpy mammi 😅

They are all three moving out next week . I feel and felt bad for giving them a “time limit” to find another living solution then to stay in my home “forever”. But I have also plans and things I want to do,- kind of life where I m not just a mammi anymore……a life on my own, without any responsibility for someone else.

I need to admit I don’t have the energy for this at the moment, this living together with my children, and even more together with someone I really don’t want to live together with, and I don’t want it like this either. I need a bit of time on my own now, do my things, live my life, be just me, not the mammi- me. “Fille up” with some other kind of energies for awhile so I probably can “handle” a situation like this a bit better next time then I did and do this time.

A colleague of my told me that my children obviously and probably likes to live with me, and enjoys being around me a bit.  And that I am lucky to have children who come home, and home and home again. It’s not for all parents to actually have this kind of “opportunity” to spend this kind of time together with their children, or even be liked so much by their children. And I see and understand what she mean, and of course feel even more bad then, and a bit shameful too,- just because I actually it’s and wasn’t to happy with this “moving in” situation this time.

I’m actually incredibly lucky, I know that ❤. So there has been a lots of mixed feelings around my “living together situation” this time. Guilt, shame, feeling as a bad mammi, feeling selfish at the same time as I also want to help my child and my children ❤.

And this menopause doesn’t make the situation better or easier either to be honest. I really like and want to be alone when that one is “fucking up” with my brain. And I told my son that too. I know he doesn’t understand, but okay,- it is what it is.

I think maybe if you are a parent with grown up children, or young adults children, you know and understand why I feel the way I feel when it comes to this “moving in” again situation? Or is it just me?

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡.

See you soon 😊

A bit stuffs and things here and there,- and the friend need to camp on the sofa. I didn’t had or have any other solutions at the moment. I can’t reorganize “all an everything” either.

I need to admit that I wasn’t ready or to happy for this “moving in” situation a couple of weeks ago, and unfortunately I’m still not. At the same time I feel on guilt and shame and being a bad mammi. At the same time as I of course want to help my child, and i do feel grateful too. So you can say,- it is a bit of mixed feelings at the moment 😳😅.

#children #mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #movingout #movingin #lifeis #livinginspain #Norwegian #feelingshameful #feelingbad #feelinggrateful #changes #challenges #menopause #midlife #lifeexperiences

It felt like a bad and silly comedy 🙄😅

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Like I mention in my post “Goodbye June/Welcome July” there was a couple of men “dropping by” into my life under my moving process, except from that I actually didn’t let anyone “drop by” or “into” my life….or body, what’s that’s matter 🙄.

I should probably felt a bit flattered, instead I was a little stressed and actually a little petty 🙄. Why should “all and everyone” show me some kind of interest and some kind of attention the week I was moving? When I was a bit stressed, tired and also felt like a tiny “plane- crash” and not very comfortable with myself? Why now? Wasn’t that a bit to late?

I probably sound a little conceited now, that’s not the point, nor was I “surrounded” by men ….. even though it felt a bit like that then and there.  It all felt more like a silly comedy, to be honest.

As some of you know my neighbour in the house I lived in before really started to flirt with me when he got the information about me moving from the area. He started a bit before, but okay. He invited me for some wine, but I didn’t felt for “jumping” into any wine glass or bottle together with him then. I was actually to tired, a bit stressed and I needed to use my time to a couple of other things. But yes,- I did flirt back, and maybe I take the flirting to an other “level” now when I have moved? Maybe I “jump” into the wine glass or bottle together with him one hot summer evening? 😉

Thursday 10. June, Irene, my oldest son’s girlfriend, borrowed me her car so I could use the weekend inbetween work to move some boxes and bags, before the moving car took the big things. But I needed to move those things ( boxes and bags) early in the morning or late in the evening because it’s a bit of a challenge to get an parking place close to my new home during the daytime.

I manage to move “one driver” Friday evening, two early Saturday morning, one late Saturday evening, and my plan was to manage the same on the Sunday. The first drive I did manage at 07.00 in the morning and I knew I needed to be at my new home latest 09.30 with the next “round” with boxes and bags if I should manage to get an okay parking place as close as possible to my new home. And that was my only focus too. Reach an parking place.

But….suddenly around 08.30 this Sunday morning (13. June) when I was filling up the car with more bags and boxes this man I was flirting and spending some time with last summer stood in front of me….outside my home 😳. I was a bit supriced and to be honest I’m actually still not sure why he was there, why he came to my home. I can have a kind of image, but I actually just heard a lots of ” bla, bla, bla”. And I was thinking two thoughts, – “I need to manage reach the parking place before 09.30” and “isn’t that a bit rude to stand outside my door 08.30 a Sunday morning when it was him that choose to not have anymore contact with me ?” 😳 And on top of that he told me he had deleted my phone number too 😅,- obviously that’s a kind of hobby some men has when it comes to me,- to block me or delete my number.

I need to admit I’m still not quite sure why he was on my door a Sunday morning at 08.30. I think he tried to explain me, but as I told you,- I had mainly two thoughts in my mind, and actually just heard a lots of “bla, bla, bla”,- I think there came a lots of “bla, bla, bla” out of my mouth too 😅.

But it doesn’t stop there,- Tuesday 15. June, just two days after, I got a text from this American man I had a crush on a couple of years ago, he was just arrived to Spain and wanted to meet me 😳. Suprice,- I didn’t knew he was coming, haven’t heard from him for a long, long time. There has been no attention, no care. I told him I was in the middle of a moving process and didn’t have any time for any meetings. And to be honest,- I actually don’t want to meet him either anymore.

But it’s more,- the next day, Wednesday 16. June I got a new text, from a French man I was a bit together with from the summer of 2016 to the summer of 2017, suprice, – he was I Spain too 😳. I need to admit he is a good looking man, looks a bit like Bruce Willis, but just a bit. But I’m not interested to meeting him either. And that’s for the same reasons, I haven’t heard from him, no attention or any kind of care. I told him that I was in the middle of a moving process. The moving car was coming the next day, the 17. June.

He actually texted me 3 times at the same day, – and I needed to explain to him that I’m not just moving with two suitcases. Because it’s sounds like I should drop everything and just come running to him. I haven’t heard from him either for a really long time, so why should I be running?

My plan was not to go on dates either, but to move, get in order in my new home, try to settle down a bit, work and so on before I even started to think about flirting. Actually take a bit care of my self, and absolutely not take any kind of care about men, and not this men. They have actually never taken very much care about me, but I have taken care about them. Now it’s actually empty inside me “for taking care of ” closely any man. I want to be taken care of a bit now,- and obviously the one who can do that is myself 😊.

This two last men,- the one from US and the one from France,- of course I know why they wanted to meet me,- just for some weeks of summertime flirting. But I haven’t heard from no one of them for months, actually closely years. So why should I wanted to meet them now? To be honest,- the intim part was not so good either and not worth to try out again. I choose rather no intimacy then bad intimacy.

And the other ting,- no one of them asked me if I did need any kind of help, just texting me and asked “when can we meet?” “Are you finish with the moving soon?” and so on. And like I told them both, – you could and should probably have told me a bit in front that you was coming to Spain, – I have a life here in Spain, I’m not on holiday. And you should probably has given me a bit more attention during this lasts years too, just to “keep up the interest”. I didn’t told them that I wasn’t to impress over their “activities in bed”,- that’s probably not very nice to say. But I wasn’t very impressed over their ability to care either, not then then and not now. I have texted them, asked them “how they are”, “thinking of you” and so on, without to much response back. So nope,- there’s not very much attention from me left anymore.

I’m a very patient person ( or maybe it’s more like I was- you know I’m getting older, wiser and learning 😅), also in this “area” when it comes to men and this “attention and caring part”, as well as give a man I like my attention,- but after a while,- when there’s no “given back” of any kind of attention or care, I’m losing my interest, and not just a little, but totally. The only way the get my interest and attention back is actually to “work for it”, to give back some attention of different kinds. And maybe, but just maybe, he will “be lucky”.

Anyway,- my moving week was “touched” by this,- and now when I think about it,- I feel I was a part of a bad and silly comedy 😅. And I got this song “Get lucky” by Daft Punk on my mind too. I like this song, but …. it’s not easy to “get lucky” with me anymore, that’s for sure. And I don’t understand this men’s “attention” now. Why now? It felt a bit to late for that now.

So fare no one of this men has been “lucky” with me either,- and those two who are or was on holiday in Spain will not be very “lucky” with me either. I’m not sure with this summerflirt from last summer will be “lucky” with me either,- then he need to change his “strategy” a bit, and it’s not even sure he wanted to be “lucky” with me either, but I still don’t understand then why you drop by someone’s door 08.30 a Sunday morning if you haven’t any kind of intention with it ? He got my attention and care during the Autumn and winter too, not just the summer, with both sweet gifts as well as dinner invitations in my home, but that was obviously not enough or good enough. But there will not be any more attention from me. I actually need “something” back, some kind of attention too. I sounds very strict now, but that’s the way it has become 😊.

And I’m not sure if my earlier Spanish neighbour, the policeman, will be “lucky” with me either. It’s 4 years since we was, let me call it neighbours with benefits, but there was so much drama now and then, and I’m not a very big fan of drama. On the other hand, he have actually given me both attention and care,- so maybe he will “get lucky” ?

Like I said,- it felt like being a part of a silly comedy 😅. But okay,- that’s the way it is sometimes, life is a comedy in one or another way now and then 😊. What I know is that I’m not going to give my attention and care “here and there and everywhere”,- it’s just one man ( hopefully someone special- worth my attention and care) that’s going to be “lucky” with me,- I just don’t know who yet 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

An “updated” me, photo taken 5. July 2021 , by me 😊

The week I was moving out from my old home and into my new home felt a bit like a silly comedy 😅. Not because of the moving process, but because of the suddenly, unexpected and very supriced “attention” I got. But I don’t have any wishes to give my attention and care “here and there” anymore, I wasn’t even flattered, but actually a bit more petty 😊.

#movingout #movingin #experiences #flirting #dating #attention #invitation #men #lifeis #livinginspain #comedy #gettingolder #midlife #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #positivefocus

Goodbye June, you went fast too ☀️, and welcome peaceful July 🌞

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

It’s some weeks since I dropped by my blog now, but I haven’t had the time to prioritize my blog or writing during the moving process. I also needed to cancel my lessons with my students, but I manage my customer service agent job and online freelance work, and of course move, clean, get things in order in the new place, as well as get “out of order” from the old place 😊.

There was days in June I felt was a bit “rough at the edges”, but when I think back today I think it was mostly because some days felt a bit more demanding then others, something that’s actually normal 😊. It just didn’t felt “normal” “there and then” 😊. You probably know how some of “those” days can be ?

And yes of course menopause also have “a finger in the game” during some of those days that’s feels a bit “rough at the edges”. That one can really “fuck up” the brain now and then, but I will come back to that subject in an other text.

I’m now “well installed” in my new home. The firsts days in this new place went to cleaning because this place has been empty for over a year. Or that’s actually not true. During this year some mice have been living and frolicking a bit, so there has been a bit of cleaning up after them 🐭. But now all is clean and I’m ready for a new start, and calm down a bit, find a bit peace, and maybe try to make a kind of plan for my future too 😊.

I also needed to make our “old home” in order for the owner, and I delivered the key back to the owner yesterday 🔑. And that felt so good, even my children and me have had a marvellous time and some great years in that house, and many, many good memories, it felt good to actually “close the door”, – if I can say it that way. And it is also incredibly good to not need to have anything more with the owner of the house to do. The home/ house was perfect for me and my children during this years. But the owner…

The owner, – well, that’s a other story, not worth to use to much time to tell about. I’m just happy she did live fare away so I just needed to deal with her once a year. Except from now at days. Just let me put it this way,- There’s just some people that give you a very bad feeling no matter how good you are trying to be.

But June hasn’t just contained “moving, cleaning and work”. In between ther also has been a couple of others “events ” too. Maybe more like daily and small “events” , but isn’t it that in it’s own way create the day and days?

There has been some new cold showers 😅, literally, in this new place too. I don’t understand why cold showers are “dropping by” into my life now at days 🚿, but okay,- yesterday that one was fixed so hopefully it will not be to many cold showers for a while now 😊. To be honest I have checked the hot water a couple of times now, just to be sure it still there 😅.

My pavilion blew off just a few days after it was set up and fastened in my new place 😳🌬. That one made me a bit sad, because I had made a cozy corner outside on the roof terrace, but okay,- what to do? Then it is to try to find an other solution, and I got some very good help for that one yesterday 😊. So now I have an other kind of pavilion and I’m very happy for that 🥰.

Just yesterday was filled up with some small “events” that in it’s own way create the day. I got hot water in the shower 🚿, I got an super solution for the pavilion on the roof terrace 🌞 and I delivered back the key to a finish capital in my life 🧡.

And believe it or not,- there has even been some men “dropping by” in my life in June too 😳. Well,- I actually didn’t let then drop by, but that’s a tiny story for an other day. I can’t tell you all and everything today 😊.

I have swear a lot too in June 😅, and in general I don’t do that. I swore I would not have a car where I live now.  It can sometimes be completely hopeless to find a parking space and place 😳.  I must admit that I have cursed over it a few times lately 🤯- and I swear very rarely🤐. So the once who knows me very well also know that swearing isn’t my thing, but when I do, I’m very serious about it too 😅. And I know swearing doesn’t give me any parking place, but still some few not to nice words dropped out off my lips 😅. And for some strange reason I in a way “have” a car even that wasn’t the plan, my plan 😅.

Irene, my oldest son’s girlfriend, – she borrowed me her car for some few days so I could move some bags and boxes, but for some reason now she just want me to have the car here until she needs it, and I don’t know when that is, but it has been for a couple of weeks now 😅. I’m very grateful for that, but it’s still a challenge to find a parking place 🚗. At the same time I feel very lucky to have the possibility for using her car when I need 🧡.

I have also sent in an application for a new job. A very different job then from other jobs I have done before in my life, and it’s not just a very different job, but it’s a job that is even in an other continent then I’m living in at the moment 😉🍇. Of course I will tell you a bit more about that one too, just not today 😊.

I have also manage to finish a baby blanket to a good friend of my that’s expecting her first baby now at days 🤰🧶. I needed to wait some days with the painting, but I have also touched my paint brushes again the last days 🎨.

So June,- a month I felt now and then was a bit “rough at the edges” wasn’t to bad at all when I’m looking back today 😊. It was a month “touched ” by the daily life, ups and downs, changes and challenges, – that’s for sure 😊. But also a month I have a lots of things to be grateful for. A warm shower, a nice place to stay outdoors, a cozy place to live for a while, great friends and good people around me, work, food on the table and a bit more too 🧡.

And I can very soon welcome July 🧡, I hope it will be a calm and peaceful month without to many feelings of “rough at the edges”, and without to many changes, challenges and feelings of “down” days. Because often it’s actually just a feeling of a down day or happening, it’s not sure it was so bad after all when we get a bit distance to it 😊.

I don’t know what I can expect from July at all. I just know what I can hope, dream and wish for as well as work for. But as most of us know, – thing can change very fast, also the things we are working for. There will probably be some changes in one or another way as well as some challenges, but hopefully not to much and not to big. I feel I need to get my breath back a tiny bit. The two last months has been a bit hard and challenging in it’s own way, and it could be nice with a tiny break from that 😊🌞.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

And now I hopefully can say “See you soon “,- and actually see you a bit sooner then I have done lately 😊.

A cozy corner on my new roof terrace 😊

I have a so much to be Grateful for in June 🧡, even there was a couple of days I felt was a bit “rough at the edges”. I have fantastic friends, family and great people around me 🧡. I have hot water in the shower again 🚿, and a nice and cozy place to live and stay for a while 🧡. I’m not sure what July will bring into my life, but I wish the unknown July very welcome 💛.

#areallygoodjob #goodlife #application #adventurer #lifeis #busydays #work #lifesituation #changes #challenges #movingout #movingin #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky #moody #coldshower #lifeexperiences #lifehappen #positivefocus