Where does the road go in my life now? 🛤💚

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Like I mention in my last post,- I’m standing on the start line into a new era in my life. At the moment I’m standing and I choose to stand for a tiny little while too, because I just need to do this for myself. I need to feel on my feelings before I start “moving” in one or another direction in my life.

In one way I have some of the same thoughts I had when I was a teenager and was standing on the start line to be a young adult. What to do? Where to go? What can I expect? How do I do this? What do I want? Where do I want “go”? How to “get there”? What will happen there in the future? And so on. Maybe you recognize some of my thoughts from when you was a teenager and on the start line into the young adult life too? 🤔

To be honest,- I think I’m thinking a bit more about this different questions now then I actually did when I was a teenager and on my way to the young adult life. When I was a on my way to be a young adult I lived a bit more in the moment then I’m doing now. And I was also a bit more “what happens happens, it will probably be fun anyway” 😊.

I still think I have a very exciting time in front of me, and I still think I will meet on a lots of joy, fun and happiness,- but I’m probably a bit more conscious of my thoughts, my feelings, and hopefully my choices further too, – than for for example around 30 years ago 😊.

Will I continue be living in Spain? Work as an customer service agent, private teacher and freelance writer? 🎧📝 I have two of my three children here in Spain. At least at the moment,- but I don’t know what they’re plans will be in the future.

Or am I going to move back to Norway? Try to find a job as a teacher or maybe work in the home- nursery or at nursery home? 📚💉 I have one child in Norway, and I really do miss him, at the same time he is living his own life, and I’m not going to be the same part in his life as I was just some few years ago.

Or maybe I’m going to get the opportunity to move to California and squeeze some grapes into wine? 🍇🍷 Or maybe Ireland and visit the leprechaun 🧚‍♂️?

At the moment I don’t know what or where,- and at the moment I actually can’t take any choices either. At the moment I’m in a bit “emotional place” in my life and then it’s not the correct time to make to many and to big choices, elections and decisions in my life and for my future.

What I do know is that I’m going to live in the home I’m living in for a time now. I’m not ready to move anywhere at the moment,- and one of the reasons for that is because it has already been a bit moving in and out from this home during the last 18 months, – even it’s not me that has moved in and out 😊. I just need to have a tiny while of not to much moving “here and there”, just in way to “calm down” 😊.

But I’m actually not sure if I want to continue living in Spain or work as a costumer service agent “for ever”. Or as a private teacher either. But I’m not very tempted to move back to Norway either and work as a teacher or in the home- nursery up there in the North.

At the moment I feel I’m finish with being a teacher and to work in the home nursery, and also as a costumer service agent. But don’t we all have that now and then where you are a bit tired of your job?

And of course,- I’m also a bit “touched” with some emotional feelings because I’m standing on a finish line for one era in my life, as well as a starting line into a new era in my life 😊. So I’m probably not in “the best place” in my life to make any big decisions at the moment either 😊.

I know when we are turning the page on the calendar to August I’m finish working for the department I’m working in. It’s closing down in Norway. But I also know that the company I’m working for have an obligation to try to find an other job to me in the company as long as I have been an employer for more than 6 months,- something I have. But at the same time,- we are living in a corona- situation,- so it’s difficult to tell to much about the future too. I’m can assume what’s in front me until August, but after August I actually have no idea at the moment.

At the moment I have just decided to not do to much of anything, not make to many work- or moving plans or decisions, – just do my work where I’m working, be a private teacher and do my online freelance work, and live in the home I’m living in. Then I see what’s coming up, or what’s happen. I don’t know,- I don’t know if “the road” in the future will be in Spain or Norway or California or maybe another place.

What I do know is that I actually like to work with creative things, and people too,- and I like to see progression in my work too. But my weakness, or strength, is to create, be creative and see a result of my job.  A product.  My dream is really to be able to feed myself on something I make, write, create, paint – or even “squeeze” some grapes into wine? But is something of this actually possible, special because we are living in a corona- situation?

When that’s said,- of course I have seen a lots of great positive progressions in both my work as a teacher as well as in the home nursery 😊. But it’s a different kind of progression.

I want and I like to create, own a product, is a (physical) result of what I do, what I work with.  (ex- paint, knit, write, maybe make wine). But it possible to work and live from something like that? I don’t know.

I do not know what my future will bring me, – but something that contains both joy, happiness and probably a bit new knowledge as well as wisdom, and some changes too.

At the moment I take one tiny step at the time, one from an era that’s over and one into an era that’s started 💚. I need to find my balance in my life before I take to many decisions about my future 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

I’m just going to take one step at the time – one from an era in my life that’s over, and one into the new era in my life 😊.

I don’t know what to future will bring me,- and I don’t know what kind of changes, choices or directions I’m going to do or take 😊. At the moment I just take one step from an era in my life that’s over, and one step at the time into a new era in my life 💚

#changes #directions #choices #lifeis #livinginspain #Norwegian #era #gettingolder #menopause #midlife #erainlife #me #future #questions #thelife #thougths #reflections #positivefocus 💚

Mid age and midlife crisis 🥀

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

The midlife crisis is no joke.  It can be a pretty tough mental process for many, especially men.  Unfortunately, it turns out that there is a fairly high suicide rate among men who are going through the midlife crisis.  And the average age, worldwide, is 47, 2 years. 

Unfortunately it’s in general men, all over the world, that’s struggling most during this “status in the life period” in life. But of course women too, but maybe in a different way? And it is not “all and everyone” that goes through a mental crisis in the mid age either.

Often is the reason why some feel the mid age are so hard are feelings like unsuccessful, hopelessness over different dreams that hasn’t come through, wishes that’s feels not fulfilled and they are in the middle of the life,- and get a feeling that the life is over. But the middle of the life is not the end. It is the middle of the life. At the same time I can understand this painful feelings inside many fells during this period in life.

Why do so many feel on this bad feelings and thoughts, and also some choose suicide as a “resort” and “solution”? I don’t know, I don’t have the answers, but I can actually really understand this feeling of unsuccessful in life. The hopelessness when dreams and wishes feels like they are not fulfilled, and the feeling of lost youth, and  thoughts  about  a frightening and unknown old age can scares “anyone”, the feeling of not reaching, lack of happiness, depression, emptiness, a feeling of not reaching, and whether one has children – the children who move out, and a home that feels empty. It can be a lots to process at the same time,- as well as there often also are a economic and money “issue”. The economy is not in the direction that is was wishes for in this age.

It’s a kind of feeling that the life is over, and it’s not possible to reach any dreams, wishes and goals anymore, or have any hopes. But it is 😊. Just think about what you actually have manage to do during your 45- 50 years of living? Then it should be possible to “squeeze” in a bit more during the at least next 30- 40 years of your life? Maybe in a bit slower tempo,- but so? 😊

I think I have had my “midlife crisis” in my life, already. This crisis where you actually think you can’t manage anymore, not a tiny little challenge more, at the same time as you feel failed in the economic and material field.  This, unfortunately, is one of the reasons why many, special men choose suicide as a solution instead of the feeling of unsuccessful.

I’m not a man,-, but when I was around 39- 40 I was in “this place” in my life. This incredible painful feeling of being unsuccessful in so many area in my life. It felt more heavy that I could manage. I even planned how and where to do it,- three different times. To try to end this   incredible painful feeling inside me.

The reason why I didn’t manage it was the thoughts of my children. I couldn’t just leave them either, in away alone in the world, and I also knew that my children would never understood why I had left them like that, because of economy, money and material issues. The incredibly painful feeling of unsuccessful. But it was hard, and I can really understand this feeling of being unsuccessful and actually not be able to “see the light in the tunnel”. But “the light  is there”, I know it’s there. So fight as best as you can during  this  hard part of the midlife crisis 💛.

So yes, I know. I know how it feels to not manage life anymore. To not see solutions. To feel useless and unsuccessful. To feel not worthy a shit. But,- still, – I can now say,- life feels good, – even with “the baggage” I have,- but now I slowly try to let go, step by step, trying to leave one heavy part down in the road and let it be there.

Hopefully that was my midlife crisis, and hopefully I will not be in that place in my life again. I actually don’t think so,- I will be in a place like that again,- but I can’t know.

I’m still not successful in the general term of success and successfulness, and m not rich on material things or have a lots of money in my bank account, – but it doesn’t matter anymore 😊. I’m fine,- I have what I need and still do my best to reach my different goals, wishes and dreams in my life. And I know I work hard to keep it going.

I can also imagine that to be in the midlife crisis during an pandemi must be even harder than without an pandemi. So many people has lost their homes, jobs, safety net and different things in life that’s in a way did defined their successes in their life.

I think it’s difficult to have dreams, wishes and goals to work for now at days,- and now and then I’m also “losing” it a bit,- but I try my best to focus on the positive things and try my best to keep the hope alive inside me 😊.

An other part of the midlife crisis is for many women when their children are moving out, and the home feels incredibly empty, silent and the “mammi routines” aren’t there anymore. It’s like “What to do now?”🤔

I don’t have unfortunately, any wise advice to give when someone are goes through a heavy midlife crisis and struggling with keeping things, lifes, their self together, in on or another way. I’m very sorry for that. The only advice I have is,- don’t give up. Look for the small, nice and positive things in a day. It doesn’t need to be so much,- but if you sample the small things they will be much together 💛. And life is always changing, it’s ups and downs, and I know some downs can be pretty hard too 😔. But after a down, there will come an ups,- if not the downs hasn’t been there. I know it’s not easy, I really know that- but it’s worth to at least try and give yourself some time too. It takes time to get out of the cold dark midlife crisis. But it’s possible 😊.

Like I mention earlier in my text,- I’m thinking about what I actually have manage to “squeezed” into my 48 years long life so fare. And it’s actually a bit 😊. Then I think I will probably manage to “squeeze” in a bit more,- even I at the moment are not sure what I want to “squeeze” in. But I will find that if I give myself a bit of time 😊.

Some will also probably think I’m not successful in life,- but in my life I’m in my own way successful, – so that’s fine and good enough for me 😊. It’s my life, and it’s me that needs to be and feel successful in my life,- I don’t need to be that for someone else 😊.

It was actually a bit difficult to explain and write about the midlife crisis, but I hope you got “the essence” of what I wanted to write about and tell? 🥀

I know midlife crisis can be challenging, and I haven’t the best solutions for how to “survive” it,- my best advice is to talk with someone, get some help to sort out your feelings and thoughts,- because you are actually not alone at all to go through a midlife crisis 🧡.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

Roses from my patio- a kind of reminder that I’m in a new flowering in my life- and not like a “fallen” flower eith mo future anymore 🌹

Many people all around the world goes through a midlife crisis, and it can be a pretty hard personal crisis too for some 😔. I have been there my self,- some years ago. But now I choose to look at this new period in my life as a new flowering in my life 🌹.

#gettingolder #menopause #midlife #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #midlifecrise #hardtime #solutions #hope #optimism #lifeis #thelife #experiences #differences #midage #newflowringinlife 🌹

Hormone balance changes 🤯😊

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

The hormone balance changes too in my body, but I need to admit I haven’t struggled very much with that one yet, except from this “hot nights” 😊.

My eggs are a bit more “grumpy”, something that makes me a bit more “grumpy” too, now and then. But to be honest, now when I’m alone, living alone, I don’t feel so much this irritating “grumpiness” inside me. Maybe because there’s no around me to be “grumpy” on? 🤔 So I feel my mood is a bit stable, but it’s not sure it is like that 😅. I have no one around me on daily basis to “check out” my mood,- and maybe that’s a good thing at the moment? 😊

My period is “slowing down” too. I still have my period and it’s still coming regular, but it last just a few days now and I’m don’t bleeding so much either anymore.

I have mixed feelings about losing my period, but I had also very mixed feelings when I got my period. So it’s maybe natural to have some mixed feelings around this?

When I got my period I felt so sad that I needed to have this bleeding and pain in my stomach 5 days every month “forever” 😔. But after a while I got use to it. Now I’m in a way looking forward to don’t have this pain in my stomach and the bleeding too, at the same time I have some thoughts about what changes my body will go through to loose my period, and how this can or will affect my “sexual feelings and needs”?

The estrogen is slowing down and then also the sexual feelings and needs can and will slow down too. I actually don’t like that thought.

But if or when this is or should happen, there’s solutions for “keep up the heat in my vagina”. But,- yes, of course I have some thoughts about this,- maybe special because I’m single?

I also had discharge from my vagina before, but I do not see it that much anymore.  And I’m actually not quite sure when it slowed down.  A year ago?  5 years ago?  I have no idea 🤔.  I have not thought much about it either, until now when I think and write about hormones, and various changes in the body, my body.

And sometimes I get such a “milky feeling” in my breast.  As I often got when I was pregnant and when I was breastfeeding.  Like “chest burst”. But it does not last long, and is not a problem or something to complain about.

My bladder has behaved well, I have not had a urinary infection for a long time. But I also drink a little ginger tea occasionally to cleanse my “internal system”.  And the bladder keeps tight, no leaks. I have read about that “leaks” can be a challenge when you get older,- but so fare so good 😊. I think I’m not “old enough” to get any “leaks”, but at the same time I know some women in my age has some challenges with leaks. Hopefully I will manage to “keep tight” “forever” 😊. At least for many years 😊.

I have also felt incredibly bad a couple of times when I have been at my walks. Actually a kind of sick, but still not sick. This hasn’t happened to many times, but I actually needed to sit down and just “put myself together” a bit before I continue my walks.

I can’t actually explain the feeling, it was just physical bad in all my body. I know this “I feel, bad and sick” feeling can drop by too during menopause. Hopefully it would not drop by to many times, because it was not a very good feeling.

I know that there are different solutions and “treatments” if menopause gets to hard and to bad.  There are several natural / alternative treatments, and there are hormone cures.  I know many women are skeptical of hormone regimens because this can trigger different types of cancer.  At the same time, it is possible to go for regular medical examinations for cancer check-ups.

I feel it’s to early for me in the menopause- process to even think about different kinds of treatments, alternative or hormone cures. But I’m actually not a stranger to trying either alternative treatments or hormone cures, should it become challenging, both physically and mentally in menopause.

So fare it is what it is, and not with the biggest challenge actually,- except from the “water falls” some nights, and that couple of times I actually thought I was going to past out on my walks. Because that one was…phu….not good.

But like I have mention before,- I’m just in the beginning of the menopause, and the different menopause changes and challenges are also different from women to women too 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

Just olives as a symbol for “hormones dance” or “hormone balance” and the menopause 🤯😊

I’m just in the beginning of menopause and so fare the hormones are more and less in “balance and stabil” 😊. But if they give me to much troubles I’m not strange of trying different kinds of treatments to get “easier days” 😊.

#menopause #midlife #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #gettingolder #Norwegian #livinginspain #lifeis #hormonebalance #treatment #thelife #newflowringinlife 🌹

Welcome April with the Spring 🥀🐣 Thank you March for the different experiences 😊🐦

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

April is knocking on the door and has already started. I like it when we turn to April and the Spring. It’s getting lighter, warmer and more colours in the nature. Flowers are growing up and the trees get soft, greens leafs 🍃.

I can say Thank you so much March 🥀. Not one of my favourite months, but still I need to say it became a pretty good month 😊.

I went to Madrid on my own, a trip I didn’t looked very much forward too, but it became a very good trip 🚂. And my daughter moved out and to her own apartment, and enjoying her young adult life 🏠. My son in the middle got a permanent working contract in Norway, and I’m incredibly happy for him 🥰. And my oldest son was on a visit too, an did also helped me out with a couple of things in my home 🏡.

The plan was that I was going to change my working situations too as a costumer service agent in March. Lucky for me this plans changed back again so I can continue working for the same department as well as from my home some more months , something I’m both relieved over as well as thankful for 🎧💻. But,- wow,- there has been some pretty busy days on the phone line the last days, actually last two weeks 🎧.

I have used some really good quality time together with some of my friends 🥰, as well as time to paint, knit and writing in my blog 🎨🧶. And a bit time to sleeping too, actually a lot 😴.

The freelance work situation is a bit better then it has been so fare during this year. But my economy is still a bit pressed, but for some reasons I’m not so stressed as I in general became when there’s a bit to much press on my money. I don’t know why I’m not stressed, but it feels so good to not be stressed. One reason why I don’t feel on this stress that’s I normally get under “economic situations” like this, can be because I’m only taking care of myself now, and then it’s a bit easier to deal with not to much money when it’s just me 😊.

I have had some very fast, but nice walking trips to the work office, and I also had some “company” in my patio even that one “disappear a bit to fast 😔.

So Thank you so much, March,- it was actually very nice to meet you after all 🍂🌷.

And I wish you very Welcome April with the soft Spring in the air 🍃🥀. I’m not sure what this month will bring me,- but I know the month starts with some Easter Holiday, and that feels very good. It’s going to be great with some day “off” as customer service agent 🎧.

I know my oldest son is going to drop by one of the days, as well as my daughter. It will be great to see them both again as always 🥰.

My plan for April is work as much as I can with the freelance work. That’s the first priority. Then it’s painting, knitting, spent time together with my friends- and all this have the same priority for me, even its different things- they still gives me a lots of joy, happiness and positive energies 💚.

And yes,- make good plans, both over the days, weeks and hopefully months too 😊. And try to start with as regular workout and exercises routines as possible- that one will be hard, I just know it, feel it in all of my body 😅. But it’s necessary too, for both my body and my mind 😊.

I can’t actually imagine that there will be to many changes and challenges in front of me now,- but as we all know, – life is, and life is filled up with different kinds of suprices 🙏. So I can’t be sure on anything actually, but I can hope and wish for some “easy going” days, weeks, months now 🧡🙏.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

Flowers from March month 🥀

Thank you so much, March 🥀- not one of my favourite months became not to bad at all 💚. I wish April very welcome together with the soft Spring air 🍃. I don’t know what the days and weeks will bring, but hopefully not to many changes and challenges now 🙏🧡.

#march #april #lifeis #myblog #mylife #mypost #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #experiences #positivefocus #lifeisgood #thelife #thedailylife #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky #feelingthankful 🧡🙏

March month tends to argue a little 🥀😳😊

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

In general I feel March month has a tends to “argue” a little bit 🌱. I feel this month it’s in its own way colour up with some grey colours. I’m not sure why it is like this. Maybe because it is the month after the wintertime and before the Spring- time? As a kind of “month in between the sessions” ? A bit “grey- coloured” month?

When I was living in Norway this was a heavy economic month. I was closely over the different expenses after December and the Christmas- time, and then March dropped up with a lots of different new experiences. It was not just like that for me, but for many people in Norway. March was “the big” experiences month for many. And of course it was hard, even when you tried to put away money for this month it was hard.

To be honest I don’t remember the first March months after we moved to Spain, but I do remember the 3 last ones. And they was all touched a bit of the grey colour. But when that’s said, – this is only my “experiences” 😊.

March 2019 I got a job and felt very happy for that. I had been without a work- contract for some months, and was just earning my money at freelance work. Something that actually can be a bit hard because the available work can various from nothing to a lot. And when it’s no work to do, there’s no money to earn either.

But this job I got was not the easiest job for me to do. The costumer service job was fine, but the Amadeus program was not easy to handle- for me. And my car had flat wheels too, so I needed to walk to the job and back home. It took me one hour each way, so I was away from my home around 10 hours 5 days a week and a bit tired when I was back to my home after a day at work 😴.

I couldn’t effort using money on the train ticket to the work either, because I needed to use the money I had on the regular expenses like the rent, electricity, water, food and new wheels too. And, unfortunately, when March was closely over I got the message that I was not good enough to continue doing this kind of work 😔. So yes, I do remember March 2019 very well, and not as the best month in my life. More like a bit of hard and challenging month.

Then it was back to the freelance work again. I actually really do like to work as a freelancer, but I have also learned that I at least need to have at least 50 % of my regular work on a basic working contract so I at least know I will manage to pay for the regular expenses like the rent, the electricity and water. Food too, of course, but I in general manage to earn enough to the food during my freelance work, even when there’s weeks or periods without to much freelance work to do.

Last year, in March 2020 this coronavirus dropped off in our society, and we all got curfew 😳. And we got a lots of different restrictions to follow too. My oldest son and his friend was living together with me at that time, but was actually “on the way out” to their own home. That didn’t happen.

March 2020 was not as hard as the year before, but very, very different then we was use to live in general. And it was a bit challenging to learn to live by curfew and restrictions, be inside our home more and less 24 hours 🕰. And also listen to the sound of helicopter over our homes as well as “meet” the police on the way to the store.

This year,- well this March has also has it’s different challenges, but again different from last year 😊. This time it feels a bit more like there has dropped up a tiny challenge now and then during the day or week. Challenges that’s in general can be handle, but sometimes takes a bit time to get finish with 😊. And to be honest,- I haven’t share “all” the different challenges I have met on during March. I like to try my best to focus on the positive things, and it has been many positive happenings for me during this March to choose to focus on instead 😊. But of course it is a bit hard to “correct up” the economy again after trying to help my kids out. Special when I have been a bit (very much to be honest,- but I think it’s the age) tired too, and actually prefer to sleep instead of working 😴😅.

But I knew already in the beginning of March that this was going to be a bit busy month with different aspects in life as both work and family, and a bit lack of time to “all and everything” 😊.

I’m going to share some few of the challenges I have met during March with you during in some very few post during April. They are not a big deal actually, and even better to share when I have fixed the challenges so you can get the “whole story” from the beginning to the happy end instead 😊.

So maybe March will be easier and easier “to handle” the next years, there in the future 😊? And I don’t will look at this month with a touch of grey colours in the future? 😊

I’m not sure if you have some months during the year you feel are a bit more “grey coloured” even before they are “showing up”? Just because of some earlier not to good experiences? I have March, and of all the things also October and November too. At the same time as this months are some of my best months because my son in the middle is born in one, and my daughter in the other 💙❤. Strange? Yes, it is, – but that’s the way it is 😊.

Anyway,- soon March is over and some “new adventures” are ready to be explored and experienced just around the corner 😊🧡.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

Sometimes I feel March is coloured up with a bit of grey colours, and also that “the wheels” are standing a bit still, and different challenges has a habit to be “connected” to the standing still wheels too 😊.

Sometimes I feel March is coloured up with a bit of grey colours, and also that “the wheels” are standing a bit still, and different challenges has a a tiny bad habit to be “connected” to the standing still wheels too 😊. But that’s life, isn’t it- to meet up on different challenges now and then? 😊

#myexperiences #march #greycolour #challenges #coronavirus #curfew #restrictions #lifeis #thelife #thedailylife #positivefocus #differences