Maybe there’s something in it …? 🥀

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

As some of you know I’m going to move, something that came a bit unexpected and a bit faster then I had in mind.

I had something else in my mind and in a bit different “time schedule” too. In my mind I thought maybe I was going to move from this home in October or maybe during the Spring 2022. But obviously that was not the plan 😊.

And I have been thinking a bit about this “plan”,- my plan that’s not going the way and direction I had in mind,- that’s for sure 😅. But obviously there is a kind of plan in front of me, but I have just no any idea what it is, or where, or how to find it 😊.

One of my neighbours told me exactly this one day too,- that it was probably an other plan for me then I had in mind. And maybe there’s something in it? 🤔 But what? And where? And how? Because I don’t know at the moment, or maybe I do? 🍇

One thing is the pandemi- situation in the society and the world. That one has changed many people’s plans and lives, and not to the best either 😔. And of course also many of my plans are affected by the corona- situation. Maybe also this a bit sudden moving- situation? It’s just that I’m actually moving because of a increase of the rent, and not the opposite, that maybe should be a bit more natural under an pandemi?

I have many times said “when one door is closing, a new one is open up”. And I believe that it true too. It’s just a bit “scary” to open up and go into the “unknown”, the new door- opening and into something new and unknown. Special when I actually don’t know what will “meet” me behind this new door- opening in my life.

Well,- in one way I know where I’m going to live, and how the new home is 🏡. I have visit Natasja in their holiday home I’m going to rent many times 😊. And I’m going to live so close to the beach, something I really looking forward too 🏖. I actually thought I was not going to vist the beach very much this summer, but the beach is going to be my neighbour instead 🏖. So there will be more beach- visits then I had in mind too 😊. And I really like to spend time at the beach 🏖.

So literally I know what’s behind the new door I’m going to open up, because I know how the new home is looking like. But mentally I have not any ideas what I can expect,- except from that I’m incredibly grateful for this new home opportunity 🧡, and things in my life are changing, that’s for sure 😊.

It’s also the first time in my adult life I’m going to move on my own, alone 😳. I moved from my parents home when I was 19 years old, but then I became a mammi just some few months after my 21. birthday, and after that I have not moved to much and to many times, and always together with my children too.

It feels a bit strange to move without my children. I knew this day would come, but I thought I had a bit more time to “feel and think” about “this” new living on my own, and moving on my own situation too 😊. Now I feel I was a bit “thrown out” in something I’m not quite ready for 😅.

But at the same time I need to admit I feel a bit comfortable and “safe” with my new living- situation because I’m going to rent from someone I know very well. And in a way, like I mention, I “know” the home I’m moving into 🏡. But still it feels a bit strange too,- like “someone” else just changed my plans without “consulting” me first if it was okay for this new changes 😅. Sounds maybe strange, but that’s the way I feel at the moment 😊. I don’t know if you understand what I mean?

At the moment I feel, I actually know I don’t have any other choices then to open the new unknown door in my life. And the first step into this “unknown” is to move and start to live in a new home for a while 🏡. But not before in the middle of June, its about more or less a month to I’m going to move.

And,- yes,- I do believe there’s probably a “reason” or “plan” for why this happen in my life now, I just don’t know what it is 😊. I believe there’s maybe something in “it”, an other “plan” that I have and had in my mind, and that’s a new and unknown door is open up in my life. But what? Well,- it’s just to live, do the best of it and see “what’s happen” 🧡.

Do you feel like this sometimes? 🥀 Like “someone” changing your plans in your life without “consulting” you first? And that it feels a bit scary to open up the new door in your life because you don’t know what’s behind it? What can or will happen when you open the new door ? 🌸

I’m actually looking forward to this new unknown door I have in front of me, at the same time I hope it’s “allowed” to “feel” a bit around this soon new living- situation in my life 😊. The unexpected, the new door, the changes in my plans without “consulting” me first 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡 Take good care 🌹.

See you soon 😊

A new door is “slowly” open up in my life,- and I don’t know what I can or will meet behind it 😊 That is both a bit scary and exciting at the same time 😊

My neighbour told my that maybe it was “the plan” that I was going to move soon and a bit unexpected, even it was not my plan 🏡. I know when one door is closing in life, a new one is open up. But it is both a bit scary and exciting at the same time to open up the door to the unknown 😊.

#thelife #thougths #lifeis #livinginspain #Norwegian #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky #positivefocus #anewdoorinlife #scary #exating #changes #challenges #movingout #dailylife #plans #theunexpexted #consulting

I’m not currently dating,- and it’s my choice 🌹

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I’m not currently dating, and it’s a time since I actually did date, and also was “looking” for a date. And I’m very fine with that. I actually don’t miss dating or being in a relationship. Because in my mind I do understand the “dating- concept” as you meet up with someone because you want, and hopefully will get a serious relationship together with this person. Both are interested in each other,- that’s why it is a date. It’s not sure this “understaning” is correct. It’s just the way I understand the “dating- concept”.

But I need to admit that for a period I actually thought that I miss dating, miss being in a relationship, and missed a boyfriend in my life. But the truth is I did miss an imagination, and not my reality when it comes to relationships. But my imagination over how a relationship can or should be.

I deleted the dating app Tinder in October/ November 2019, and haven’t regret that so fare. But I was “tired” of the “dating” before I deleted the app. It didn’t gave me very much, to be honest. Like relationships haven’t given me to much either. To be fair,- it’s my last “long term- serious” relationship that’s “freshest” in my mind, and also where many of my not to good experiences when it comes to relationships are “build on”. Natural enough, but also maybe unfortunately?

And it’s actually more the 7 years since that relationship ended- something I’m very grateful for 🙏, but still it has “marked” my mind and soul in a bit negative direction and with a bit negative thoughts and experiences when it comes to dating and relationship.

I have met some nice dates during the lasts years, but also some strange dates. But that’s not the reason why I have made a choice and decision to not date for a while.

Dating didn’t gave me very much, or to use the dating app and “try” to find a date, a date that’s also maybe would became to a serious relationship after a while.

Maybe I’m not a “nettdating- person”? Maybe I need to met a man in “the real life” and not during a “switch left or right” app? I know it’s different dating- app’s, not just like the way Tinder is in “function”. But still I don’t think nettdating is something for me.

It’s not just that I’m not a “nettdating- person” that made me choose to not date for a while, but also because I know I need to resett my self when it comes to dating and relationship. Really resett my self. Maybe I manage to do it, maybe not. I don’t know, I don’t even know if I’m going out there in the “dating and relationship” world again either. And it’s fine. I’m fine with that.

I have thought a bit over why I wanted to date at that time I was a bit “busy” with that. And for me it was about attention, be attracted and became attracted of, intimacy and sex, hopefully feel “close” to an other man both mentally as well as psychic, meet someone to share different things and stuffs in life together with, someone to have different experiences together with as well as do things and stuffs together with, feel “connected” together with, someone “special” and be “special” for, feel butterflies in my stomach and some extra heartbeats too, just because of that man and the feelings I had for him, to feel important for someone, to miss someone as well as be missed, and probably a bit more I don’t remember anyone and at the moment 😊.

But the reality, my reality is that I haven’t actually very much real experiences from this, this thoughts about how I think a relationship is “in function”. My own experiences when it comes to, special relationships, are not like my “dreams and imaginations”, if I can call it that. Because my dreams and imagination about a relationship is “my why” I wanted to date and be in a relationship, but the truth is, my truth and my experiences and my reality is not very similar with my imagination.

My experiences from a relationship are actually something I don’t want to go through again. And we date because we want to meet someone that’s makes us feel “comfortable”, feel happy and happiness, joy and love and so on. We in general dates because of “my why” I wanted to date.

So I made a decision for more then over 1,5 years ago that I don’t want to date. I don’t want to date before all of me, my heart, my mind, my soul are ready for dating and ready for the commitments and the responsibility a relationship has. I need to really resett my mind, my heart and my soul first. And I have no idea how long time my “resett- process” will take. Maybe “forever”? I don’t know, and that’s fine 😊.

And it’s actually a good feeling to say “Thank you, but No Thank you, I’m not dating at the moment”, when someone asks me out for a ice tea or a coffee, a glass of wine or a lunch. And in general I don’t even get the question “why not”, and to be honest, it’s actually no one’s “business” either why I don’t date. It’s my choice, and I’m very fine and comfortable with my choice too 😊. And I’m very relaxed with my choice as well, when it comes to this “currently not dating” 😊. And I’m actually not even sure it’s worth it, – the dating and relationship,- to expose myself to maybe get the same experiences again when it comes to relationships.

Like I have mention before,- when or if I’m want to date again and want a serious relationship I can but out an “vaccination available” in my blog 😅. We see what’s happen there in the future 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

My imagination about how a relationship should be and my reality about how a relationship is,- is two very different things 🥀.

My imagination about how a relationship should be and my reality about how a relationship is,- is two very different things 🥀. So that’s why I have chosen to not date for awhile,- I need to resett my self, my mind, my soul, my heart before I maybe start dating again 😊. And I’m very relaxed with my decision about not dating 😊.

#dating #relationship #relaxed #decision #mychoice #resettmyself #experiences #differences #imagenation #thougths #feelings #choices

Where does the road go in my life now? 🛤💚

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Like I mention in my last post,- I’m standing on the start line into a new era in my life. At the moment I’m standing and I choose to stand for a tiny little while too, because I just need to do this for myself. I need to feel on my feelings before I start “moving” in one or another direction in my life.

In one way I have some of the same thoughts I had when I was a teenager and was standing on the start line to be a young adult. What to do? Where to go? What can I expect? How do I do this? What do I want? Where do I want “go”? How to “get there”? What will happen there in the future? And so on. Maybe you recognize some of my thoughts from when you was a teenager and on the start line into the young adult life too? 🤔

To be honest,- I think I’m thinking a bit more about this different questions now then I actually did when I was a teenager and on my way to the young adult life. When I was a on my way to be a young adult I lived a bit more in the moment then I’m doing now. And I was also a bit more “what happens happens, it will probably be fun anyway” 😊.

I still think I have a very exciting time in front of me, and I still think I will meet on a lots of joy, fun and happiness,- but I’m probably a bit more conscious of my thoughts, my feelings, and hopefully my choices further too, – than for for example around 30 years ago 😊.

Will I continue be living in Spain? Work as an customer service agent, private teacher and freelance writer? 🎧📝 I have two of my three children here in Spain. At least at the moment,- but I don’t know what they’re plans will be in the future.

Or am I going to move back to Norway? Try to find a job as a teacher or maybe work in the home- nursery or at nursery home? 📚💉 I have one child in Norway, and I really do miss him, at the same time he is living his own life, and I’m not going to be the same part in his life as I was just some few years ago.

Or maybe I’m going to get the opportunity to move to California and squeeze some grapes into wine? 🍇🍷 Or maybe Ireland and visit the leprechaun 🧚‍♂️?

At the moment I don’t know what or where,- and at the moment I actually can’t take any choices either. At the moment I’m in a bit “emotional place” in my life and then it’s not the correct time to make to many and to big choices, elections and decisions in my life and for my future.

What I do know is that I’m going to live in the home I’m living in for a time now. I’m not ready to move anywhere at the moment,- and one of the reasons for that is because it has already been a bit moving in and out from this home during the last 18 months, – even it’s not me that has moved in and out 😊. I just need to have a tiny while of not to much moving “here and there”, just in way to “calm down” 😊.

But I’m actually not sure if I want to continue living in Spain or work as a costumer service agent “for ever”. Or as a private teacher either. But I’m not very tempted to move back to Norway either and work as a teacher or in the home- nursery up there in the North.

At the moment I feel I’m finish with being a teacher and to work in the home nursery, and also as a costumer service agent. But don’t we all have that now and then where you are a bit tired of your job?

And of course,- I’m also a bit “touched” with some emotional feelings because I’m standing on a finish line for one era in my life, as well as a starting line into a new era in my life 😊. So I’m probably not in “the best place” in my life to make any big decisions at the moment either 😊.

I know when we are turning the page on the calendar to August I’m finish working for the department I’m working in. It’s closing down in Norway. But I also know that the company I’m working for have an obligation to try to find an other job to me in the company as long as I have been an employer for more than 6 months,- something I have. But at the same time,- we are living in a corona- situation,- so it’s difficult to tell to much about the future too. I’m can assume what’s in front me until August, but after August I actually have no idea at the moment.

At the moment I have just decided to not do to much of anything, not make to many work- or moving plans or decisions, – just do my work where I’m working, be a private teacher and do my online freelance work, and live in the home I’m living in. Then I see what’s coming up, or what’s happen. I don’t know,- I don’t know if “the road” in the future will be in Spain or Norway or California or maybe another place.

What I do know is that I actually like to work with creative things, and people too,- and I like to see progression in my work too. But my weakness, or strength, is to create, be creative and see a result of my job.  A product.  My dream is really to be able to feed myself on something I make, write, create, paint – or even “squeeze” some grapes into wine? But is something of this actually possible, special because we are living in a corona- situation?

When that’s said,- of course I have seen a lots of great positive progressions in both my work as a teacher as well as in the home nursery 😊. But it’s a different kind of progression.

I want and I like to create, own a product, is a (physical) result of what I do, what I work with.  (ex- paint, knit, write, maybe make wine). But it possible to work and live from something like that? I don’t know.

I do not know what my future will bring me, – but something that contains both joy, happiness and probably a bit new knowledge as well as wisdom, and some changes too.

At the moment I take one tiny step at the time, one from an era that’s over and one into an era that’s started 💚. I need to find my balance in my life before I take to many decisions about my future 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

I’m just going to take one step at the time – one from an era in my life that’s over, and one into the new era in my life 😊.

I don’t know what to future will bring me,- and I don’t know what kind of changes, choices or directions I’m going to do or take 😊. At the moment I just take one step from an era in my life that’s over, and one step at the time into a new era in my life 💚

#changes #directions #choices #lifeis #livinginspain #Norwegian #era #gettingolder #menopause #midlife #erainlife #me #future #questions #thelife #thougths #reflections #positivefocus 💚

I feel on a kind of sadness 💙💙❤

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I feel on a kind of sadness inside me. Not sadness over new wrinkles or lighter hair, or hormones balance that’s changing. But a kind of sadness that an era in my life is over. The era to be a fulltime mammi. This is over.

I’m still my children’s mammi, I’m always going to be that, but not in the same way I have been for closely 27 years.

I’m actually not sad over the fact that my children are young adults and live on they own either,- but because an era in my life is over, and this time will never come back.

Maybe it sounds strange to feel on sadness, but at the same time still not be sad? Or feel in a kind of grief while not being grieving? But that’s still the way I feel inside me,- because I’m a mammi and because an era in my life is over for always.

I think it’s just someone who have been in the same situation as me that actually will understand what I mean- when it comes to feel on sadness and grief, but not be sad or grieving, because of a era in life is over.

It’s not like I go around and cry all the time, or want my children to move back home again. I’m good in that way,- this is something I feel inside me, in my heart, soul and thoughts, and it’s actually difficult to explain. And I allow myself to feel this without too much interference and influence from outsiders too.

I’m very grateful for all the time, the years, the memories my children and me have together ❤. And I know we will create new memories together too, but in a different way then before 😊.

The sadness is over a time that’s over. An incredible fantastic time together, but also an incredible busy and hard days as a single mammi. I don’t miss the business, at the same time I’m very happy I know I tried my very best to follow up and raise all my three children in different eras in their life ❤.

I hope, think, believe and actually see my children has got a lots of good things and stuffs in their “bagback” from growing up together with me 😊. But of course I also think about all the things I could and should done differently when they was children and growing up. As well as when they was teenagers and on their way to be young adults.

It’s many things I should wish I could done differently, at the same time as I can’t go back to the past and change anything. And I can’t bother myself with thoughts like that either- then I’m going to be “nuts” in my head.

What I can do is to be grateful for being their mammi and for the marvellous young adults they all three are become ❤. And I’m, as I mention, incredibly grateful for all our time and memories together ❤. But I’m also going to allow myself to feel on this sadness and a kind of grief I have inside me for an era in my life that’s over, and use the time I need to use on “this” feelings.

I know this sadness and feeling of grief will change and be different, but I’m using the time I need to “go through” this feeling of sadness and grief inside me in my own way. And like I mention, – it’s difficult to explain how, why and what I’m feeling, it’s just feelings inside me and an era in my life that’s are over together with my children, an era who will never come back, – and that’s the way it is, and that’s the way the life is too 💚.

And now I stand on the starts line to an new era in my life, and at the moment I choose to just stand there a bit too, on the starts line, and feel a bit over emotions and thoughts in relation to a time that is over, before I choose to find any new directions in my life, and start on a new era in my life 💚.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

A photo from a photo- so not the best photo,- but still from one of many best memories in my life as a mammi and together with my three children ❤. (I think this is around 12- 13 years ago) 😊

I stand on the starts line to an new era in my life, and at the moment I choose to just stand there a bit, on the starts line, and feel a bit over emotions and thoughts in relation to a time that is over, before I choose to find any new directions in my life, and start on a new era in my life 💚.

#era #raisingup #growingup #mammi #mammifeelings #gettingolder #Norwegian #feelings #thougths #livinginspain #lifeis #mychildren #happiness #joy #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky #sadness #lifeischanging #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #positivefocus

My first week on my own 😊 … again 😅

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I’m living alone …. again. All my 3 babyducks has moved out… again…and it’s seems that it’s going to be like this for a while now 😊. But I never know, I don’t know what next week or month will brings, but I assume that “this is it” now 😊.

My oldest son are living in the mountains and is very happy with his life. His friend has also moved back to the mountains, so my mammi- heart is a bit more relaxed now when I know it’s not just him and his dog, Zorro, alone “up there” fare away from people 💙. My oldest son enjoy his work, and he/ they have also extended the contract of the home they are renting. So it looks like they’ll be living there for a while 🏡.

My son in the middle are living in Norway, and he is soon ready to finish the driving licence, and then he is “on the road on his own”, literally 🚙. I think he really is going to enjoy to have his own driving licence 😊. He have also got permanent employment contract, and I’m very, very happy for him 💙. So he is not going to be back in Spain for a while, except from hopefully for a holiday and two 🥰. But when? I don’t know, I just know I miss him a lot, but as long as I know he is happy in his life, my mammi- heart is happy too 💙.

And my daughter, she is enjoying her life in Malaga sourrende by her friends, living in an apartment she likes to live in, and she have a job she really enjoys and also an permanent employment contract 🧡. She is very good to “update” me about her life with sending me Snapchats, something I’m very grateful for 🧡.

And then it’s me 😊. Been on my own for a week (again). But it feels different this time, at least I think so? All my three children are happy in their life, something that makes me incredibly happy for them all ❤. But I’m not sure where in my life I’m at the moment 🤔. I’m fine, and I’m okay, and probably in it’s own way I’m in a way happy too, but I have been thinking a lot about “my life” this last week. But I have no “solutions” for my own life yet 😊. It takes a bit more then a week to find my “new” place in my life 😊. But of course I’m thinking a bit about the future, my future, and what and where and so on. But one day at the time 😊

I don’t feel lonesome, but I’m alone and I’m lonely, and that’s find. At the moment it’s my choice to have it like this. I need it 😊. At the same time I’m a little restless inside me without knowing why, and I’m not completely calm in my new life- situation yet ….. but it’s only been a week- I’m a little impatient.  I have to learn to be patient with myself 😊. But I feel like I’m in a “no – man’s country” at the moment 😳.

I’m not going to do a lots of changes in my life to fast, the different changes are coming “crawling” anyway 😊. And I don’t think there will bring me any good with to many changes to fast in my life either 😊.

My work- situation as a costumer service agent on the phone is not going to change for some months. Something I’m very happy for 😊. I got this message last week. A very nice surprise, and it makes it a bit easier for me to take “the turns” in my life I need to take a bit more in my own tempo. With that means, – I’m still going to work from my home for some more months and for the same department as well 😊. Phu! ,- I’m very happy I don’t need to do any changes there for a while 😊. I’m actually happy it’s not to many changes at the same time, to be honest 😊.

I know I need to create some new plans, routines and a kind of dynamic in my life, both daily, weekly and monthly. With good plans and routines it’s also a bit better to reach different goals 😊. It hasn’t been easy to “keep up” my plans “for running” in a stable way for a longer period when people moving in and out in my home,- but I think there will be a break from that for a while now, something that will hopefully and probably be easier for me to have plans and special be able to doing my plans for more then maybe 6 or 8 weeks at the time, and then have a 3 months “break” 😊.

I want to create a good plan for workout and exercises, and I want to have a better plan for my online freelance work too. I want to use time on painting, knitting and writing- do some better and more work in my blog, and I need to create my own study plan for language. But one step at the time 😊. And I want to have time to my family and friends as well. And I actually think I will manage “it all” as long as I’m not “rushing” “it all”, but give myself the time that I feel I need and is correct for me 😊.

And yes,- for some reason some of my friends really want me to start dating again 🤭. Some are trying to arrange different kinds of dates for me, but the thing is,- at the moment I’m not ready for any dating. Im actually not very interesting in dating now at days. It’s a bit more important for me to spend time to “meet this me” without the “mammi- me” just “the me”, then find/ meet a boyfriend at the moment 😊. I don’t miss a boyfriend or to be in a relationship now at days. A “friend with benefit” could be nice to have, but it is what it is at the moment, and it’s fine for me 😊. But of course I presage my friends good thoughts, I’m not just “there” in my life now 😊. When, or if, I’m ready for this dating thing again I can create a “position vacant/ available” in my blog instead and see how that goes 🤭😅.

It’s good to be alone, but it’s a bit silent in my home 😊. I miss my children, to just have them around me, but I don’t miss to be a “service station” for my kids, or to live together with them on permanent basis any more 😊. I like to have just my own mess, and I like to be able to just listen to my music, the music I like, and not just different music in the different floors 🎵🎶. It’s less clothes than needs to be washed, less dish wash and less mess, no socks in the sofa and I don’t need to nag, and I can be moody totally alone,- that’s good too 😊.

Anyway,- my first week alone has “contained” just me, my work as a costumer service agent, my freelance work, some necessary stuffs like shopping food, washing clothes and the dishes, eat, sleep- oh my- I have been so incredibly tired 😴,- and a lots of thinking 😊. I’m not able to share all of my thoughts with you yet, because I haven’t managed to “organize” them in a good and structured way in my head yet 😅,- they are at the moment just different thoughts “tumbling” a bit around up there on the top until they find their “places” 😊.

And I’m going to continue to share as best as I can in my blog about both my thoughts, my “new” life and other small and big “happenings” in my life 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

Just me, – Laila, thinking a lot and trying to “sort” out my “new” life 😊

My first week “on my own” has been actually that,- on my own alone, doing my jobs, thinking a lot 😊. But I have no “solutions” for my own life yet 😊. It takes a bit more then a week to find my “new” place in my life 😊. But of course I’m thinking a bit about the future, my future, and what, how and where and so on. But one day at the time 😊

#gettingolder #menopause #midlife #lifeexperiences #changes #challenges #movingout #adventurer #lifeis #thefuture #growingup #grateful #changefocus #thougths #mychildren #mammi #justme #mylife #newlifesituation #positivefocus 💚