Today it’s my daughter’s day 🎈🎉🥰

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

The time flies 🛫. Today it’s 21 years since I hold my daughter in my arms for the first time 🥰. My third and last little baby duck is not so much baby duck anymore,- she is actually a young woman at the age of 21.

She was like a tiny little doll when she was born, the sweetest baby girl I have ever seen 🥰. And she was mine, and of course her daddy’s , little girl too. She was born in the same birth room at the same hospital that her oldest brother, but not on the same date or time. Or all my three children are actually born on a Friday for some reason.

I remember the new year evening in 1999 when we turned into 2000, my ex husband, me, my/ our sons and his two older daughters was standing outside and looked at the beautiful and colorful fireworks that brought us from 1999 to 2000. I stood and thought of everyone who wanted a “2000 child”, “a millennium year baby”, and I felt that I was so happy and glad I was not “there” anymore, that I was very happy and grateful for my two healthy, wild, lovely, fantastic and imaginative sons 💙💙.

But still for some reasons more and less 11 months later I did have this “a millennium year baby” I was so happy for I was not going to “struggle” to be pregnant with during 2000 😅. Probably she should in her own way “complete” the family – and I can just say I/ we did wish her so very, very welcome into our life, and I/ we are so incredibly grateful for this very, very sweet and nice “suprice” in 2000 ❤.

She has always been a very quiet, nice and smiling girl. Not a lots of crying and not a lots of challenges when she grew up. Maybe the biggest “challenge” when she did grew up was her selective mutisme? But she managed to “deal” with that one in her own way, little by little, and step by step, and of course also with some help from professionals in the field too.

She was a bit worried for her birthday this year, today. That it shouldn’t be a too nice day, something I can understand. The last year, last 11- 12 months hasn’t been the easiest for her and have given her some bit of challenges in her young life. But out from the different challenges there’s also growing up a strong, young woman who maybe have a bit more experiences in life, a bit more life experiences then other people at her age. And from life experiences there also grows up knowledge and wisdom 💛.

It is during different challenges we also learn about the life and about our self, how to handle and deal with different things, stuffs and situations in life, and also different people we meet on our “road”.

But of course as her mammi I can say I should really wish she was without some of the different challenges and experiences she has been through, at the same time as I know the different changes, challenges and experiences in my daughter’s life also has given her strength, knowledge and wisdom 💛.

It was a happy birthday “girl” I brought in some chocolate cake and a gift to this morning 🥰. She was happy because she was remembered from her friends “here and there and every where”, as well as her family both in Norway as well as in Spain remember her today 😊. And of course I choose to believe that the birthday chocolate cake I did “served” to her in her bed this morning, like I did when she was younger, also “made” her day a tiny bit 😊.

My daughter is 21 year today- it’s her birthday,- and she started her “celebration” with some congratulations from friends, family and colleagues at different social media channels as well as a tiny gift and some chocolate cake from me as a “birthday breakfast” in her bed 🎊🎁

My daughter is a very sweet girl, has a big good heart for both animals and people. She always try to see the good thing in a person as well as help both animals and people in the ways she has the possibility to do. She is a quiet young  woman, with a very good  sense of justice. And she is a young hardworking  woman too. She have different goals in her life and she works hard to get them. And I mean hard. She is “just” 21 year old, and she can easily work  12 hours shift on a Saturday instead of going to a party because she knows that that will bring her closer to her goals. But of course she spent time together with her friends as well in the weekends.

She is going to celebrate her birthday today together with good friends and colleagues this afternoon, and I know she will get an amazing time together with them all 🥰.

My daughter when she was around 5 years old- a sweet , healthy and happy little girl ❤

I’m so grateful for the nice surprise 2000 brought into my life ❤. My love to her is unconditional- and I know she knows that 🧡. I feel so rich and lucky to have her in my life and to be her mammi, and I’m so proud of her and how she handles the different challenges and experiences in her life. And I’m so proud ot being her mammi ❤.

So today I just want to say,- Congratulations with your 21. birthday my amazing and beautiful daughter, my third and last baby duck 🐣. I wish you all the best for every day in your life – for the day today and for all the days you have in front of you ❤. Must the stars shine on you like you shine on and in my days and life ❤🌟.

I wish you all a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡.

See you soon 😊

Birthday- gift and some birthday chocolate cake to my daughter’s 21. Birthday- and a tiny photo dome years ago- her photo to her daily train ticket to her job 😊.

This is a fantastic day for me, and have been every year during the last 21 years,- because my daughter was born ❤. I’m so proud of her, and I feel so incredibly grateful for being this wonderful and fantastic young woman’s mammi ❤. Must the stars shine on you  every day in your life, like you every day shine on and in my days and life ❤🌟. All the best wishes to you from your proud mammi 🥰😘❤.

#birthday #daugther #mydaugther #lifeexperiences #proudmammi #mammi #growingup #gettingolder #Norwegian #livinginspain #lifeis #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky #unconditionallove

She is back in the nest 🐣 🍂🧡

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Some weeks ago, or it’s probably a month ago, I did write a post I called “I will probably do it again and again “. It was about my kids moving in and out from my home. At that time it was my oldest son and a friend of him that moved in and out for some weeks. And I need to admit I’m a bit tired of it. This moving- in and out 😅.

It feels like I put my things, my life, my plans a bit “on hold” for a while under this “moving process”- and I also in a way does that. And of course,- when I got people in my home, and not just people, but my children, I feel on responsibility 🏡.

Because that’s actually what’s happen when you live together with someone, it doesn’t matter who, you still have a kind of responsibility to makes things “work” in a comment home,- even if it’s together with the children, a friend or a boyfriend/ girlfriend and so one.

It’s probably “easier” to live together with my children, because we have lived together for many years, but at the same time not. When I live together with my children I’m “the mammi”. You maybe understand what I mean?

Both of my sons are organized, but my daughter not so much for some strange reason. And I like to have it organized around me. But all my three children help out in the home as best as they can when they live together with me,- so I have not to much to complain about when it comes to that- but it’s still this “responsibility”- thing that you have in different kinds of relationships, special a living together situation.

But still when it comes to my children, no matter how tired I’m of this moving in and out from my home,- I will always and over and over and over again let them move in, let them rest, take care of them, be their mammi, be there for them- mo matter what❤. It’s a part of this unconditional love I feel and have for all three of them ❤.

And now my daughter is back in the nest again. I did see this was coming a while ago, so I was a bit mentally prepared this time for a new moving in- process. Why she move back to the nest again is her story, and not for me to tell this time. My story is that I’m a mammi, her mammi, and I care so much for her and love her so unconditional that it’s not a question what I want or not. Not a question how tired I’m.

My child needs me- it’s so easy as that. And then Im here for her, and my sons too ❤. I will always be there for my children no matter how tired I’m. And I’m a bit tired now, to organize my home and then re- organize it a bit too so it’s a bit more practical to live here for my kids too. And I’m a bit tired of live together with someone, even my children.

I have dreams on my own, for my self, and also I really like to live on my own, to just have the responsibility for just myself and no one else for a while. Do my things in my way. Be just me 😊.

This is not a secret for my children,- they know I’m very ready to just continue live alone, they know I’m a bit tired, but at the same time as they also know they will always come first, they will always be welcome and stay as long as they need 🧡.

An other thing, this time I have been a bit better to continue doing and working with my own plans and dreams, and not put to much ” on hold”, except from a couple of days when I needed to re- organize the home a bit. That’s a positive change for me- that I have manage that 😊. Maybe I’m starting to get use to this moving- in and out so it’s easier for my to continue doing “my things”?

And I have decided that when there hasn’t been any kind of any moving process, not in and out, not for my children, not for myself for at least 6 months- maybe then I can “brag” about my new “alone era” in my life? Maybe then I can “brag” about a new period and epoch in my life? Because obviously I’m still not there- that’s for sure 😅.

At the moment it seems that I’m in a kind of middle way process- finish with raising up my kids, finish with the mammi responsibility, finish with living together with them- but in a way still not finish …..but for how long? I don’t know.

Obviously my children really like my nest too- that’s for sure 🐣🥰. And that’s actually a good thing 🧡. Because if not, they probably haven’t come back home again and again and again 😊.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See soon, I hope 😊.

My daughter and me- she is back in the nest again 🐣 ( I know I’m tired- I know I look tired too- but that’s the way it is 😴)

She is back in the nest again 🐣. Why she is back in the nest is her story- my “story” is that I’m a bit tired now😴 – but still I’m going to do it over and over and over again for my children ❤. And obviously my kids like my nest too, because they continue coming back to it 🥰🐣.

#mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #Norwegian #livinginspain #lifeis #myblog #mychildren #changes #challenges #movingout #movingin #unconditionallove #mydaugther #thenest

He is already 24 years old 😳🎁😘💙

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

I actually need to admit that I needed to count a bit today,- but yes,- my middle son is 24 years today 💙. It’s his birthday, his 24. birthday 😊🎁💙.

The time just flies away,- I still remember the first time I hold him in my arms, and he was so sweet and tiny. A beautiful, beautiful baby boy 💙. My beautiful baby boy 🥰. He is not a baby boy anymore, but a lovely and wonderful young man. But it doesn’t feels like it’s 24 years since that day, that day he was this beautiful, beautiful baby boy, but obviously it is 😊.

My handsome and fantastic son in the middle- already 24 years old 🥰💙.

This year is the third time I’m not celebrating his birthday together with him. But that’s life, and that’s the way it is when the children grows up, getting older, having their own life,- and special when we also are living in two different countries 😊. It feels strange anyway. It feels strange to not bake chocolate cake for him, hug him and kiss him. Well,- I can in a way do that on messenger and what’s up,- but it’s not quite the same 😊. But the chocolate cake needs to wait a bit 🎂. And his birthday presents I have send during the “air”, “the online air” 💰.

He’s living and working in Norway,- and I know he is happy in his life and with his different things in his life, and the goals he has in his life too 🥰. And he reach his different goals too. The different goals he set. Step by step 😊. I’m incredibly proud of him and his attitude, the way he handles the life and the different experiences and knowledge lifes gives him 🥰. And also the fantastic way he handles and take care of the people around him,- family and friends 🥰.

So as long he is fine, I’m fine too, even I do miss him and think about him every day 🥰. And I’m really looking forward to see him again, maybe and hopefully one time during the Spring 2022 🥰.

I did check the planes and if it was a tiny possibility to see each other before, to buy a plane ticket for him to Spain,- but unfortunately he doesn’t have any more holidays left from his job this year, so it’s a bit difficult to travel to Spain then. But I told him ( and his little sister and big brother too) that my wishes for this Christmas was to see, hug, kiss, hold around my son in the middle 🥰. I know it’s probably not going to happen,- but I still wish it 😊. Anyway,- I know we will meet during the Spring 2022- so I have something incredible fantastic to look forward too- my son in the middle 💙.

I wish him all the best,- for his birthday, with his dreams and goals, all and everything in his life 🥰.

I feel so rich and lucky to be his mammi. He has given me so much joy and happiness in my life, and he still does 🥰. And I’m so proud of him, the fantastic young man he has become, and so proud to be his mammi- it’s like I quite can’t understand that this marvellous young man is actually my son and I’m the lucky and grateful mammi 💙.

My love for him, my love to him is so unconditional- and I know he knows that ❤💙❤.

So today I just want to say,- Congratulations with your 24. birthday my fantastic and beautiful son in the middle 💙. I wish you all the best for every day in your life – for the day today and for all the days you have in front of you ❤. Must the stars shine on you like you shine on and in my days and life ❤🌟.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

My son in the middle- just a couple days old- my sweetheart and lovely baby boy 💙.

This is a fantastic day for me, and have been every year during the last 24 years,- because my son in the middle was born 💙. I’m so proud of him, and I feel so incredibly grateful for being this wonderful and fantastic young man’s mammi 💙. Must the stars shine on you every day in your life, like you every day shine on and in my days and life ❤🌟. All the best wishes to you from your proud mammi 🥰😘💙❤.

#mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #Norwegian #livinginspain #lifeis #birthday #myson #mymiddelson #unconditionallove #feelinggrateful #feelinglucky

A year ago ❤🛫

Hi ❣ It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Today it’s a year since my middle son did moved to Norway 🧡. A year since I have hugged him and kissed him.

I’m not the only mammi that haven’t been able to kiss and hug my child, my young adult child, in a year. And that’s because of this corona- situation.

I really miss him. Miss to have him around me, not live together, but just be able to see him now and then, like I did when he was living in Spain. To hug him, kiss him.

I’m very grateful for the possibility to text him, talk with him and see him on “facetime” like WhatsUp and Messenger. And I know all is fine with him up there in Norway ❤.

He have a job, he is soon finish with the driving license, he is training football and exercises, he is spending time together with family and friends, and has even found an apartment he wants to buy 😊.

His plan was to visit me, us, here in Spain during this summer, but it became a bit difficult because of different restrictions during travelling to Spain from Norway. Special Spain. Because Spain has, and in a way still is, a very “red” country for Norway when it’s comes to the corona- situation.

Hopefully he will be able to visit me in Spain during this Autumn, but I don’t know yet, we don’t know yet.

A year goes fast and still so slow, and we do manage to “put in” all kind of different experiences during a year. In one way this year has went fast, in another when it comes to my middle son, I feel it’s like forever since I hugged him ❤.

I’m very grateful all is fine with him, he is healthy and he is enjoying his life, he is a young adult and it’s natural that he lives his own life, but sometimes it’s a bit to fare away. I’m a bit to fare away from him, he is a bit to fare away from me ❤. But this is life, special during this corona- situation.

I miss my middle son, I think of him every day, I text him, and I’m so lucky that I’m able to “see” him and at least give him some “air” – kisses and “air” hugs during Messenger or What’s Up ❤. It’s not for all mammi’s to be able to do that.

And I’m incredibly grateful he is doing well up there in Norway ❤. He is happy in his life, he is enjoying his life ❤. And I’m incredibly proud of him and proud he is my son and proud to be his mammi ❤.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡 Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

This photo was taken one year ago at the airport in Malaga/ Spain- my middle son and me ❤ A photo that tells more then any words can say ❤

One year ago my middle son did moved to Norway, and I haven’t been able to see him, hug him or kiss him during this year ❤. I really miss him, but at the same time I’m very grateful he is doing well and is happy in his life❤. And I’m very grateful for things like What’s Up and Messenger too ❤.

#mammi #raisingup #growingup #gettingolder #Norwegian #Norway #mychildren #mymiddleson #proudmammi #coronasituation #mysoninthemiddle #feelinggrateful #unconditionallove

Is it worth it? ❤💘💔

Hi ❣It’s so nice to see you,- like always 😊 I hope all is fine with you 🧡

Like I mention in my post “ I’m currently not dating….” it’s because of my experiences when it comes to dating and even more when it comes to relationships. And I know I need to resett my self a bit, a bit more then I actually thought.

I haven’t lost the faith in love and relationship, because I see both family and friends around me have great relationships. Functional relationships build on a bit different things then my last relationship was. So I know it’s possible to have a healthy and loving relationship with the correct person and partner.

I may seem bitter, critical and cynical when it comes to love and relationships – but I’m not really.  I see that it all, my attitude to relationships, is based on my own experiences, and not necessarily what for most couples and relationships is a reality. I’m just worried the reality I have, my experienc, when it comes to relationship is going to be a reality and truth for me one more time,- and I know I can’t handle that one more time. It takes so much time and energy to just be “here” I’m now, and I have still some steps left to walk.

To be “here” I’m now has took me over 7 years, and there’s still things that’s make me want to throw up when I think about relationship, and I know I’m not ready to handle different “challenges” a relationship can gives, yet.

I’m not interested to be in a relationship now. I need to resett my self, my mind, soul and heart before that can be a “issue” again.

I’m not interested to have all the differents commitments it’s obviously necessary to have when you are in a relationship.

I’m not interested to be treated so bad as I has been in relationship anymore. I’m not interested to give so much from my self and get so little back. I’m not interested in all the different “restrictions” , claim and demand there is in a relationship. I’m not interested to be told all the different things I’m doing wrong. All from what kind of clothes I’m very, complains about the food I’m making or what wrong store I did bought it in. I’m not interested to listen to all the things that are wrong with me and all the different kinds of treatment I need to have so I can be “correct”.

I’m not interested to feel so totally alone anymore. I was and felt more alone, lonely and lonesome in that relationship than I have ever been, and then I’m now when I’m actually alone, now when it’s just me. I actually lost the contact with my family and my friends during this relationship,- and I was totally alone too ( except from my children, I unfortunately, also manage to drag with me in this’ that’s incredibly painful to think about 😭 💔).

And I was scared too, and worried. I felt I had a big, big grey and heavy stone in my stomach. And I did cry a lot, but I had no one to go too.

I’m not interested to feel so miserable and confused anymore. Or so unsecured on closely everything. Myself, my work, my interests, my thoughts, my body, my health, my mental mind, my clothes, my habits. I don’t want to feel so totally alone and failed in “all” different areas of life.

I’m not interested to be and feel monitored and looked after.  Be called a liar, or hear that I have no heart – or if I’m so lucky to have a heart, it’s full of black holes. I’m not interested to hear I’m stupid, and “something needs to be wrong with me”, and go to many different treatments to be “fixed” 😳.

I’m not interested to be “brainwashed” one more time. I’m not interested to feel like I’m drawing in a ice cold dark ocean when I’m standing on land in the sunshine.

A relationship for me was to many demands, expectations, pressures, hopes, disappointments, responsibilities, commitments and I did more and less most of this “all the time” wrong too, just in case. I was happy in the wrong way, I was sad in the wrong way, I “did” the relationship- commitment wrong. But when all comes to all,- nothing of this, my experiences is love or unconditional love. It’s “power” and control over an other person. I know that.

But this is my private and personal experience from a boyfriend and to be in a relationship. And in my head I know this kind of treatment in a relationship (or actually general for all treatment of people) is not love, it’s not about the respect for another person.

I know many has other and more positive experiences to be in a relationship then I have. I can’t just find, feel or remember very much positive with a relationship. But,- the good thing is,- I still have an imagination of a good, loving and healthy relationship- I can “work for” when or if I’m going to be ready for a boyfriend and a relationship again.

But to be honest,- it’s not worth it for me, not when I think, feel and do remember how it was to be in a relationship, how it was to be together with a boyfriend. It’s not worth it,- to feel so incredibly miserable closely all the time. At least not at the moment, maybe never, to go through this again.

I probably sounds bitter, but I’m not. I just know that this is my life and I don’t want to have something like that in my life ever again. I’m lucky- lucky that was dropped off in Spain, if not I don’t think I have been here today.

I really need to resett my self, and I don’t know how long time that will take. But what I do know is that a new man in my life will not “fix” this at the moment, fix my mind and soul. My heart, I think my heart is actually fine, because I was never heartbroken to be dropped off in Spain, just in a very big shock.

This Easter I did started to paint the pain, my not to good experiences when it comes to a relationship. I’m going to show you when it’s finish, but it will take a bit time before it’s finished. It’s a bit painful process to paint at the same time an incredible relief feeling too.

Of course I do think about my “why” I wanted to date and hopefully get into a relationship again, but I don’t know at the moment if my “why” is worth it. And I do know that it’s not worth to be in a relationship if it’s like my experiences are.

So that’s why I don’t date, and are not “looking” for a boyfriend and relationship, because I’m worried and scared, and it was not worth it.

Time will show what’s happens, and if I’m changing my mind when it comes to boyfriend and relationship, and if I manage to resett my heart, soul and mind 🌹. But at the moment I’m here I’m and that’s fine, I’m fine 🌹.

I wish you a great day or evening wherever in the world you are 🧡. Thank you so much for using your time and dropping by my blog today 🧡

See you soon 😊

Fixing a broken heart- finish painted by me in 2016.

My experiences from a relationship are not the best, I know that. And it’s actually not my heart that’s broken, I think my heart is very good 🧡. But my experiences that are in my mind and soul still need time to be resett before I will be able to think and believe that a relationship can be different from my experiences 🌹.

#experiences #differences #imagenation #love #unconditionallove #relationship #treatment #dating resettmyself #challenges #changes